Venting You know you’re doomed if thinking about death is the only thing that makes you feel better

[Neogoloid]

I kid you not man, I literally think about death all day everyday. I'm a 19 year old virgin neet with no hope. I have absolutely nothing to lose and nothing to look forward to except death. I've just been playing video games everyday, eating and jerking off for the past two years since I graduated at 17. I have no desire to continue this life. I don't wanna be me anymore, I wanna be someone else.

I originally planned to be dead before I even graduated, I was gonna jump off a mountain. But that's too scary so I couldn't do it. I just couldn't get the courage no matter how hard I tried. I stood as close to the edge as I possibly could, enough to slip off.

I've since moved on to partial hanging, seems like a much easier and less painful method. And I'm only getting better at it. Plus no one ever comes to my room really, so I know I'll have enough time to pull this off. To be extra careful I'll wait till everyone is busy when that day finally comes.

 

[SilentSadness]

I don't think you're doomed, but I completely understand that you want to ctb. Ctb is also often the only thing that comforts me. However, partial hanging is risky and has resulted in permanent brain damage so be careful.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Thoughts of finally ending my existence are the only things that get me through the day.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I also see death as the only relief, all that appeals to me is the eternity of non-existence where all is forgotten about. But anyway it's really understandable just wishing to be free from this existence, I wish you the best of luck with your plans.

 

[todienomore]

"playing video games everyday, eating and jerking off"

try a 3 day fast and a 2 week break from the others incl all other digital dopamine

suicidal ideation is also a cope

 

[lonelysadman89]

I completely empathize with you since that's basically my life. The only difference is that right now I'm studying my bachelor, but it stresses me at the point that I just want to disappear. It's not intellectually difficult, but emotionally it's quite exhausting. I think after my second year of bachelor, my brain thinks in suiciding everyday and it's kind of weird since I want to pursue a masters and a PhD, but I don't think I'll be able to do it since I'm quite mentally unstable.

These days I have ZERO energy to do anything.. I barely get out of my bed and I'm not even caring about school at this point even though I'm in my last year of bachelor and I should be doing a lot of things, but I'm really feeling very down and all the things I used to like, are now very boring to me. I can't find any hopes now and I genuinely think that nobody likes or cares about me or my life.

 

[ceriseange♡]

I understand what you mean - different circumstances, but I relate. It's all I can bring myself to do most days if I'm not working. The thought of dying crosses my mind at least once everyday.. The thought of jus continuing as is and as me is just...very draining to think about and knowing theres a way out and a way to rest is the only thing that helps me push forward (knowing theres an out if it gets too much). I'm so sorry you're going through this, sending you love and strength :( <3