You have to recover for yourself!

[Cloud Busting]

What the hell… does that even mean?

I mean I've certainly entered recovery to avoid consequences or to get people off my back, and most certainly it wasn't what I truly wanted at the time.

Even now though, as a person who genuinely wants to recover, and increase my wellbeing, this still leaves me dumbfounded. Who even am I? Do I even matter as a tiny speck in the universe? Why would I do things for me? I do things because all people are the fabric of the universe. My bothers and sisters, my family, my tribe, the earth, the cosmos… these are grander for me. I want to live for these things, not for myself. I'm nothing special. To live for myself seems… sad and shallow

Yet I hear it all the time- especially in the context of addiction- that I ought to recover for me. It feels like such a neoliberal, capitalistic "pull yourself by your bootstraps" mentality to me. I live for a grander purpose, for the collective greater good, not for myself… individualism doesn't appeal to me. Yet if I say this to normies it's as if I've grown two heads.

I don't think these are bad reasons to acquire motivation at all. I wonder what yall think, since you guys seem to dig a lil deeper than the average populace

 

[timf]

The question of identity and purpose can be difficult to get a handle on. Some offer perspectives that serve their purposes. Obviously communists want us to see our purpose as serving the collective. Capitalists might want us to see ourselves as consumers. Even in therapeutic circles one often encounters those who issue directives ("you should"). Consideration of individual agency can suggest experiments or courses of action, but leave room for individual choice.

One can understand well intentioned exhortations to motivate. However, if one sees in these that which is not relatable, one is left to discover their own motivation. There are transient motivations such as looking for food when one is hungry. However longer term motivation can com from career ambitions, the need for money, or a hunger to seek truth, grow in knowledge and understanding, or even to be able to help others.

There are two basic views of the universe. The evolutionary view that life has no larger purpose which leaves one finding his own purpose. The alternative is a creator view that leaves one trying to discover what a creator would be looking for. Making either of these even more difficult are all the many ways people have contributed confusion.

 

[Pale_Rider]

As a person with DID I have been through things that have irrecoverable cut me to my core. PTSD has also traumatized me further. I think I'm as recovered as I can ever be. My thought will always be dark, and far from the mainstream, Indeed frightening to the mainstream. Science itself will say there is no fixing DID, and truth be told why would I want parts of me killed off?

 

[endlessmelancholy]

Whatever works for you. Personally I want to recover for myself and I don't care about the universe.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Whatever works for you. Personally I want to recover for myself and I don't care about the universe.

Why for yourself!

 

[Namelesa]

Yea I totally understand not to be able to understand recovering for oneself. While I would like my life to be easier for myself, I wouldn't do this just for myself at all as I don't see the point in it when I see death as less risky and equal to a good life as there I don't have to suffer at all forever. I however would want to live for others as I feel like my existence is of some value and be able to lessen the suffering of others which I think I should do if I can.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I suppose because- in terms of action or, non action- we ultimately have the final say. I used to struggle a great deal with binge eating. I read a self help book that put it in very basic but brutal terms- YOU ultimately choose whether you overeat or not.

When it comes to recovery- there are probably things we know help and harm us. Ultimately- we have control over whether or not to do those things. We could go to a therapist and then, ignore all their advice. Not to say we should just do all we're told but, I think a person has to be open to recovery for it to work.

I'm a bit of an imposter in this section to be honest. I'm not really aiming for recovery. I just look for maintenance tips here. But, in my case- it would waste a therapist's time and my own if I went because, I'm simply not invested in it. I likely woudn't be that open to their suggestions or things to try etc.

As for the underlying motivation- recovering for ourself or, for others. Maybe that matters less. Still- the motivation needs to be constant. I lost a lot of weight in the hopes of impressing a guy once. They eventually got a girlfriend and I put all the weight back on! It would have been more sustainable had I done it for myself. So, if we're recovering for the sake of this or that person/ relationship- it probably also needs to be stable for the recovery to be stable. That's my feeling anyway.

 

[endlessmelancholy]

Why for yourself!

I want to be happy and fulfilled. I can't save others. Each to their own.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I can remembering being in a drug program where they said; "faking it to make it is a valid start".

 

[Cloud Busting]

I suppose because- in terms of action or, non action- we ultimately have the final say. I used to struggle a great deal with binge eating. I read a self help book that put it in very basic but brutal terms- YOU ultimately choose whether you overeat or not.

When it comes to recovery- there are probably things we know help and harm us. Ultimately- we have control over whether or not to do those things. We could go to a therapist and then, ignore all their advice. Not to say we should just do all we're told but, I think a person has to be open to recovery for it to work.

I'm a bit of an imposter in this section to be honest. I'm not really aiming for recovery. I just look for maintenance tips here. But, in my case- it would waste a therapist's time and my own if I went because, I'm simply not invested in it. I likely woudn't be that open to their suggestions or things to try etc.

As for the underlying motivation- recovering for ourself or, for others. Maybe that matters less. Still- the motivation needs to be constant. I lost a lot of weight in the hopes of impressing a guy once. They eventually got a girlfriend and I put all the weight back on! It would have been more sustainable had I done it for myself. So, if we're recovering for the sake of this or that person/ relationship- it probably also needs to be stable for the recovery to be stable. That's my feeling anyway.

Now I'm wondering if the real question isn't who you're recovering for, but if your motivation is long or short term. Obviously relationships come and go. My sister is one of the reasons I want to recover. She could die tomorrow. We could have a falling out in the unseen future. It serves a driving purpose now, but clearly I'll need other reasons to stay healthy. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, I guess.

not everyone perceives it this way but I view exiting or abusing substances as becoming a victim of one's circumstances. I want to rise above. And pay back the community in some way. Life is suffering, and I view life's purpose as causing the least amount of suffering for the greater good. Basically @Namelesa echos my sentiments exactly. Recovery to me is a way to eliminate suffering for others, as my pain affects all living things that interact with me. We're all in this shit together namaste hippie nonsense basically lol

I guess it depends on what "yourself" means. Living for nature- the sun, the moon, the trees, the lakes, the rivers, and the stars- doesn't feel like living for me because these things are grander than me. But ultimately I think I agree with your message.

Chasing pleasure and avoiding pain have just gotten me nowhere, and it's a trap I'm learning to evade. Call that whatever you want, but I think it's an everlasting and true reason to recover.

I can remembering being in a drug program where they said; "faking it to make it is a valid start".

Why would they say that? Because they know most people there don't want to recover and are either court ordered or heavily pushed to do so by a third party? lol

What was your experience like?

 

[Pale_Rider]

Now I'm wondering if the real question isn't who you're recovering for, but if your motivation is long or short term. Obviously relationships come and go. My sister is one of the reasons I want to recover. She could die tomorrow. We could have a falling out in the unseen future. It serves a driving purpose now, but clearly I'll need other reasons to stay healthy. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, I guess.

not everyone perceives it this way but I view exiting or abusing substances as becoming a victim of one's circumstances. I want to rise above. And pay back the community in some way. Life is suffering, and I view life's purpose as causing the least amount of suffering for the greater good. Basically @Namelesa echos my sentiments exactly. Recovery to me is a way to eliminate suffering for others, as my pain affects all living things that interact with me. We're all in this shit together namaste hippie nonsense basically lol

I guess it depends on what "yourself" means. Living for nature- the sun, the moon, the trees, the lakes, the rivers, and the stars- doesn't feel like living for me because these things are grander than me. But ultimately I think I agree with your message.

Chasing pleasure and avoiding pain have just gotten me nowhere, and it's a trap I'm learning to evade. Call that whatever you want, but I think it's an everlasting and true reason to recover.




Why would they say that? Because they know most people there don't want to recover and are either court ordered or heavily pushed to do so by a third party? lol

What was your experience like?

I didn't last long, but yes agree. Stay, and be brainwashed is the basics I would think. Just repeat what you are told to repeat. Thats how drug programs work. If you dont you may sweep a lot of floors, or get kicked out! oh my. lol

 

[Cloud Busting]

I didn't last long, but yes agree. Stay, and be brainwashed is the basics I would think. Just repeat what you are told to repeat. Thats how drug programs work. If you dont you may sweep a lot of floors, or get kicked out! oh my. lol

Was it rehab? And your choice or were you mandated?

 

[Pale_Rider]

Was it rehab? And your choice or were you mandated?

Kind of . I was locked up, and it was a chance to get out early.( before I was even sentenced ) I screwed it up cause I cant do that, but oh well I know what it is now. har har.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Kind of . I was locked up, and it was a chance to get out early.( before I was even sentenced ) I screwed it up cause I cant do that, but oh well I know what it is now. har har.

Ah so court ordered lol. I went to an IOP. I didn't get locked up but it was either treatment or get fired (referred via employer, was caught at work lol) The first place I went to claimed my treatment was "voluntary" despite being forced to go to group therapy lol. I ended up doing it anyway cuz the second place determined I needed it. I was still using and only quit entirely because I now qualified for rehab and I didn't want to go cuz then boss would know I was cheating my drug tests lol

I wonder how the workers feel knowing most ppl don't wanna be there and likely won't stay sober lol

That's a shit deal. What are you facing now?

 

[Pale_Rider]

Ah so court ordered lol. I went to an IOP. I didn't get locked up but it was either treatment or get fired (referred via employer, was caught at work lol) The first place I went to claimed my treatment was "voluntary" despite being forced to go to group therapy lol. I ended up doing it anyway cuz the second place determined I needed it. I was still using and only quit entirely because I now qualified for rehab and I didn't want to go cuz then boss would know I was cheating my drug tests lol

I wonder how the workers feel knowing most ppl don't wanna be there and likely won't stay sober lol

That's a shit deal. What are you facing now?

No it was in the county jail, and its something that the court would have recognized, but I got probation, and went to a program on the streets anyway.

At the time I wanted to be sober, but didn't realize the extent of my issues. I was in a lot of pain point blank. I can tell you nobody there could recognize it. As I said at the time I wanted to be a normal person, but was incapable due to what I was, and nobody could point me in the right direction.

 

[Cloud Busting]

No it was in the county jail, and its something that the court would have recognized, but I got probation, and went to a program on the streets anyway.

At the time I wanted to be sober, but didn't realize the extent of my issues. I was in a lot of pain point blank. I can tell you nobody there could recognize it. As I said at the time I wanted to be a normal person, but was incapable due to what I was, and nobody could point me in the right direction.

Were there any duals? They tend to be much better than most standard sud counselors in my experience. They have a broader scope of practice, so to speak. Being able to address both addiction and mental health is useful.

What was the program like? I asked my employer if I could switch to another treatment center cuz I hated the one I was in. They required me to abstain from weed despite my employer approving off-duty use (which is legal in my state.) Their tests were sent to a lab so I wasn't sure if I wanted to risk cheating them (haha idk why I ever denied having a problem.) I asked them why society is against street drugs but ok with psychiatric drugs and they went silent. I also lied on the trauma history segment because they were going to fax that info to my employer. All my employer needed to know is that I was meeting treatment requirements and sober. Fuck that. I ended up switching to a laxer harm reduction based program, which was much better.

 

[voidangel]

the idea of recovering for myself disgusts me. it feels so narcissistic. i'd want to recover for the people i care about!

 

[Cloud Busting]

the idea of recovering for myself disgusts me. it feels so narcissistic. i'd want to recover for the people i care about!

Or for the universe in a grander sense.

Honestly I kinda get what is meant by a "higher power" in the twelve steps. I don't believe in a creator God but something outside of myself that's greater than me… to reach towards something like that is humbling and healthy I think.