Story Yew poisoning

[Manaaja]

(I wrote this some time ago, saved it, but forgot to post.)

I have always disliked the idea of poisoning because of the low success rates. The doze may be off, the poison might not do anything, you might puke, it takes a long time, you might call the ambulance, you might change your mind etc. But because none of the hanging attempts have worked and because I happened to read that yews are highly poisonous and I happened to find some, I thought "What the hell, might as well try, better than living".

I read that the berries are the least poisonous parts (and all other parts of the whole yew contain poison except for the red part of the berry), so I didn't use them. (I did taste a few and they tasted good.) I used needles and branches (which tasted okay, like birch leaves but a bit less bitter, but still a strong taste).

On the first day after reading about yews, I ate one needle just to see what would happen, nothing. Then I slowly built my courage by eating it a tiny bit more and more each day (five needles, one tea spoonful, two tea spoonfuls etc.). No effects. Then I think I might have had one day when I didn't take any, and then I ate it again, two spoonfuls (kitchen spoons, btw), again nothing much happened.

Then, on the same day that I had eaten two kitchen spoonfuls of it, I brew one cup of tea using the needles and branches, I don't remember how much of it I drank (it wasn't more than one cup, but it might have been only half or even only one fourth of it). And I can't remember how much time (maybe 15 minutes, maybe an hour, I can't remember the exact time) after that I started feeling really dizzy and fainty, heart beat went up, brainfog came and thinking became hard, several body parts went numb, walking and moving my body became more difficult (though I was still able to use the toilet for example, but it was hard). I felt I would die there and then. I got a small panic attack and survival instinct hit hard, thinking was hard, doing anything was hard. I almost called the ambulance, because I really felt that I needed to be around people, I didn't want to die alone. I felt like running to neighbor and asking for help. I just didn't want to be alone. Part of me wanted to die, part of me didn't want to die, part of me wanted to drink more of the tea and lay in bed alone and die, but the bigger part of me wanted to be around people.

I started quickly hiding the poison and all evidence and thought about deleting everything on my browser history and locking my phone in case someone wanted to check my phone to see if I had suicidal thoughts. Thankfully even though I was dying and could barely think I was still smart enough to know that I couldn't let anyone know it was a ctb attempt, I would just lie that I had no idea why I was suddenly dying. Better let them think that it was a disease or an accidental poisoning. It was strange but great that even though I could hardly remember my own name I still had the sense of mind to know that I couldn't tell anyone it was a suicide attempt. I want to thank this forum for that.

In the end I didn't end up calling the ambulance thankfully. I took six tablets of medical charcoal that drains poison and drank a few cups of water and alternated between lying in bed and walking around. I felt a bit better after one hour, and much better after two hours. I don't think I got any permanent physical damage out of it, but I was definitely scarred mentally, hanging is mentally much easier for me than eating/drinking poison and wondering whether I will die or not and when.

I still find it hard to believe that it went from doing nothing to almost killing me. I wonder if I hadn't taken the charcoal would I be dead...

What I found strange was that my stomach didn't hurt at all (I thought it would hurt in the tummy but my tummy was fine), though some parts of my body went numb. It wasn't painful at all. If only I didn't get a panic attack and survival instinct didn't exist it could have been a really peaceful way out. I didn't experience any puking. I didn't feel nauseous either. I didn't fast before it or anything. If anyone is curious, the leaves and branches had been inside (on table, in room temperature) for about a week on the day I drank the cup.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

For a while, I considered eating a mix of fool's parsley, foxglove and lily of the valley. They all grow in abundance where I live and are very poisonous, but I dismissed this method as too agonising. Eating 2,5g of foxglove can be fatal, and one person even used it as a suicide method:

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[FentIsMyWay]

Tiennykkään että marjakuuset on myrkyllisii :D Uskoisin kyllä että opiaatti yliannostus olis helpompi ja kivuttomampi tapa kuolla, sipulikanavilta saa helposti vahvoja opiaatteja + ilman toleransseja pienenkin määrän pitäisi riittää! Ensimmäinen kerta ku näkkee toisiaki suomalaisia täälä

 

[drune11]

For a while, I considered eating a mix of fool's parsley, foxglove and lily of the valley. They all grow in abundance where I live and are very poisonous, but I dismissed this method as too agonising. Eating 2,5g of foxglove can be fatal, and one person even used it as a suicide method:

Access Blocked

This would be interesting. What would happen if you ate a bunch of foxglove and sleeping pills? Would you still feel any pain?

 

[FuneralCry]

Thanks for sharing. I can imagine it must be awful going through that. I have never heard of anyone ctb using that method. I wish you the best.

 

[obliviousatbest]

Thanks for sharing your experience, I'm sorry the night didnt go as you intended. Yew poisoning is realistically my preferred method. The pain and body's natural purging of the poison to prevent its death freaks me out a lil so your post was reassuring to read. It's strange how yew can cause both pain and numbing at the same time. Wishing you peace and tranquility

 

[Manaaja]

For a while, I considered eating a mix of fool's parsley, foxglove and lily of the valley. They all grow in abundance where I live and are very poisonous, but I dismissed this method as too agonising. Eating 2,5g of foxglove can be fatal, and one person even used it as a suicide method:

Access Blocked

I was always taught that lily of the valley is really poisonous, but then I read that you'd have to eat lots of them to die. The same with most poisonous plants. It's good that it reduces the risk of dying accidentally, but bad too in a way because it's harder to ctb willingly.

Thanks for the link! I'll have to check it out.

The yew poisoning was painless and there was no vomiting or nausea, I'm just a person who gets a panic attack the second I get dizzy. I probably wrote the OP post in a way that makes people think that yew poisoning is the worst thing in the world. My bad.

Tiennykkään että marjakuuset on myrkyllisii :D Uskoisin kyllä että opiaatti yliannostus olis helpompi ja kivuttomampi tapa kuolla, sipulikanavilta saa helposti vahvoja opiaatteja + ilman toleransseja pienenkin määrän pitäisi riittää! Ensimmäinen kerta ku näkkee toisiaki suomalaisia täälä

I'll write in English, sorry.

The European (and Japanese) Yew trees are really poisonous, all parts except for the red part of the berry.

This was a really painless way to die. I'm just a person who gets a panic attack the second I get dizzy so it was mentally scary for me. But I believe it can be a good way for people who don't mind getting dizzy.

Sipulikanava? You mean the Onion browser and dark web sites or something? I don't know much about opioids, but sounds interesting.

I've met about five Finns in here during my time in here.

This would be interesting. What would happen if you ate a bunch of foxglove and sleeping pills? Would you still feel any pain?

I don't know. I felt no pain what so ever and there was no nausea. I'm just a person with who gets a panic attack easily when I get dizzy.

If you want a painless way to die, I can't imagine a more physically painless way than yew poisoning (except for Nembutal). It's just mentally hard for me.

I have no idea what kind of plant foxglove is, and sleeping pills... I don't know. I'm really bad at falling asleep even with sleeping pills. Maybe if you first took strong sleeping pills, then the yew poison, and then died in your sleep it would be nice. Too bad I don't have strong sleeping pills.

Thanks for sharing. I can imagine it must be awful going through that. I have never heard of anyone ctb using that method. I wish you the best.

You're welcome. It was physically painless, but mentally I'm easily scared and get a panic attack the second I get dizzy so it was a bit traumatizing. I should have done it by first taking strong sleeping pills, then drinking the tea, and then dying in sleep. It's a pretty rare way to die, I've only found a few posts about it on this forum, though I've read that it can even kill a horse, though horses usually only eat it when they have nothing else to eat. I've read about a few human deaths too. Iirc there's no antidote for it, so if you take a big lethal amount of it there's not much anyone can do to save you.

Thank you! I'm feeling mentally better. I just wish I was mentally stronger and didn't get panic attacks so easily.

Thanks for sharing your experience, I'm sorry the night didnt go as you intended. Yew poisoning is realistically my preferred method. The pain and body's natural purging of the poison to prevent its death freaks me out a lil so your post was reassuring to read. It's strange how yew can cause both pain and numbing at the same time. Wishing you peace and tranquility

You're welcome. Thanks! I get panic attacks easily the second I get dizzy so this was a traumatic experience. Luckily it was physically completely painless. I wish I was mentally stronger. I think that if I was, I could try this method again and succeed.

It wasn't physically painful at all. I felt absolutely no pain during it. I didn't feel nauseous either. It was all mental pain. Heart beat went up and I got dizzy, but it didn't hurt in any way physically.

It was physically painless but mentally hard for me since I get panic attacks easily. If I took very strong sleeping pills first and then drank the poison, it would probably be a much easier way out for me.

If you want to try it, don't use the berries since they barely contain the poison, use the branches and needles. And remember that it's the European and Japanese trees that are poisonous. And it's most poisonous during the winter.

Thanks! I'm physically okay, I'm beginning to be mentally better too. I just need to build up courage again.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

This would be interesting. What would happen if you ate a bunch of foxglove and sleeping pills? Would you still feel any pain?

I would like to preface the following by saying that I am neither a medical professional nor a botanist.
I haven't been able to find any information on how quickly foxglove poisoning can kill someone, so my worst guess is that it could take a while. Here is a list of symptoms:
Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, severe headache, irregular and slow pulse, tremors, unusual colour visions, convulsions, Cardiac arrhythmias

I've just looked it up again, and the sources differ on the lethal amount; I've now seen anything ranging from 0,3-10g of dried leaves or 2,5-40g of fresh leaves (the leaves are the most poisonous part). According to one source, 25g of dried leaves or 100g of fresh leaves can kill a horse.
Death is not necessarily guaranteed, which is why I wanted to ingest as much of it as possible, although the leaves are supposed to be extremely bitter.

Then there's also monkshood/wolf's-bane, which is so poisonous that, according to Wiki, "with large doses death is almost instantaneous." Another source claims that a large dose can be fatal within 30-40 minutes. Apparently, ingesting 4g of the tuber can be lethal. Combining that with sleeping pills sounds like a really interesting idea, although I personally wouldn't try it.

 

[obliviousatbest]

You're welcome. Thanks! I get panic attacks easily the second I get dizzy so this was a traumatic experience. Luckily it was physically completely painless. I wish I was mentally stronger. I think that if I was, I could try this method again and succeed.

It wasn't physically painful at all. I felt absolutely no pain during it. I didn't feel nauseous either. It was all mental pain. Heart beat went up and I got dizzy, but it didn't hurt in any way physically.

It was physically painless but mentally hard for me since I get panic attacks easily. If I took very strong sleeping pills first and then drank the poison, it would probably be a much easier way out for me.

If you want to try it, don't use the berries since they barely contain the poison, use the branches and needles. And remember that it's the European and Japanese trees that are poisonous. And it's most poisonous during the winter.

Thanks! I'm physically okay, I'm beginning to be mentally better too. I just need to build up courage again.

Thanks for your insight! It's hard to find people who live to tell the tale and I'm glad you're doing better. May I ask how you made the tea and how many g of needles you used if you remember? English Yew grows abundantly in churchyards and cemetaries near me thank the lord haha

 

[Manaaja]

Thanks for your insight! It's hard to find people who live to tell the tale and I'm glad you're doing better. May I ask how you made the tea and how many g of needles you used if you remember? English Yew grows abundantly in churchyards and cemetaries near me thank the lord haha

You're welcome! Thanks!

I just boiled the water in an electric kettle, and then threw some needles (with branches) in it. I don't know. I recall it was about two kitchen spoons, I don't know how much that is in grams.

I think that the fact that I had eaten those needles and branches twice on the same day helped the tea in being so effective. And I've read that when they dry they get even more poisonous, and they had been inside for about a week. I've read that the half life (if it's the correct term) for yew poison is about 12 hours (iirc), so maybe there were tiny traces left from previous days.

I completely forgot to mention this previously, but I had breathed the smell of those yew branches, needles, berries for about a week (not purposely, but they had been on the kitchen table and so when I spent time in kitchen, I automatically breathed them), and they made me feel a little bit...how should I say, not nauseous, not sick, but poisoned. I don't know if that helped in their effect or not.

(I didn't separate the needles from the branches, but I did cut the branches into about 2cm long parts, so I had tiny pieces of branches with the needles intact).

I read that they are popular in graveyards, because in ancient times, priests used them to keep animals away from graveyards and the church. The tree is poisonous and deadly to animals too, so cows and all other animals usually avoid them.

 

[obliviousatbest]

Hey thanks for the in depth info, it makes a lot of sense that an elongated poisoning followed by a larger dose might do the job. Was wondering if doing that would inadvertently build up tolerance but apparently not haha. That's a cool fact, I heard some graveyard yews were planted in the old pagan belief that they would the spirits of the dead from rising, amongst other things, before Christianity took over the lands. Cheers for everything, wishing you peace x

 

[Manaaja]

Hey thanks for the in depth info, it makes a lot of sense that an elongated poisoning followed by a larger dose might do the job. Was wondering if doing that would inadvertently build up tolerance but apparently not haha. That's a cool fact, I heard some graveyard yews were planted in the old pagan belief that they would the spirits of the dead from rising, amongst other things, before Christianity took over the lands. Cheers for everything, wishing you peace x

You're welcome!

I don't know about tolerance, but I read there's no antidote.

I read that they planted yew trees in graveyards and near churches to keep the animals away, because the tree is poisonous to animals. I also read about the spirit thing you mentioned. Kinda funny, it was called both the tree of death and tree of rebirth. They also used it to make bows (and then got poisoned when they breathed in the dust). (It would have been interesting to experience the pagan times before Christianity.)

Thanks!

 

[FentIsMyWay]

I'll write in English, sorry.

The European (and Japanese) Yew trees are really poisonous, all parts except for the red part of the berry.

This was a really painless way to die. I'm just a person who gets a panic attack the second I get dizzy so it was mentally scary for me. But I believe it can be a good way for people who don't mind getting dizzy.

Sipulikanava? You mean the Onion browser and dark web sites or something? I don't know much about opioids, but sounds interesting.

I've met about five Finns in here during my time in here.

I'm positive opiates might be good for you since you don't like dizziness, since if you are alright with needles you could be out in just a few minutes and the dizziness would be overshadowed by euphoria. Also if you don't want to use "illegal" substances you can order research chemicals, atleast a few months ago the Finnish goverment hadn't banned Etonitazepyne/Isotonitazene/Metonitazene. (They might be banned now though so if you order them to stay legal so to say, check Finlex for the up to date bans.)

Yeah by Sipulikanava, I mean deep web forums. The major finnish one closed recently, but Im certain theres already an alternative(most likely numerous) up, to find it you just need to use the search function on ylilauta and search for sipulikanava or something tor-related. In the forums there are usually subforums for cities in Finland where dealers post what they are selling! You just need to download tor, wickr/telegram and you should be good to go. The only main drawback from this is, if you are socially anxious and not used to dealing with people that sell drugs it might be pretty hard. But usually the people are nice and are just in it for the money, they are people too so no hopefully that would help with possible anxiety!