Method Yew Jelly

[EddieAllenPoe]

1 lb of fresh Yew "berries"(i.e., arils), washed with seeds in tact.
2/3 cup of sugar.

Step 1 - Mix together the Yew "berries" and sugar in a wide saucepan or skillet.
Step 2 - Over low to medium heat, cook the Yew "berry"/sugar mixture, stirring constantly, until it is gently boiling. Keep cooking, and stirring until the mixture thickens. You must stir constantly or your jam will burn.
Step 3 - Cook the mixture for about 10-15 minutes. You will know the jam is ready when the mixture is thick enough to leave an open trail behind the spoon.
Step 4 - Remove from heat, and let cool completely before serving.

Step 5 - Stare desolately at your new creation and ponder the meaning of life.
Step 6 - Spread the jam onto a piece of fresh toast.
Step 7 - Visualize eating the toast. Imagine the horrific unknown possibilities of your body reacting to the ingested poison.

Step 8 - Throw away the whole batch of Jelly and realize it's time for you to go to sleep.
Step 9 - Watch FUZZY KITTENS ON YOUTUBE. THEY'RE HILARIOUS LITTLE FURBALLS. OMG. OMG. SO CUTE. OMG.

(Day 2 - optional)

Step 9 - Wake up.
Step 10 - Drink coffee.
Step 11 - Read a few lines of Marcus Aurelius.
Step 12 - Breathe deeply in. Breathe deeply out.
Step 11 - Google "hemlock poisoning"...

 

[CoolGuy9]

No clue what this is, but here, take my like.

 

[Rex2019]

1 lb of fresh Yew "berries"(i.e., arils), washed with seeds in tact.
2/3 cup of sugar.

Step 1 - Mix together the Yew "berries" and sugar in a wide saucepan or skillet.
Step 2 - Over low to medium heat, cook the Yew "berry"/sugar mixture, stirring constantly, until it is gently boiling. Keep cooking, and stirring until the mixture thickens. You must stir constantly or your jam will burn.
Step 3 - Cook the mixture for about 10-15 minutes. You will know the jam is ready when the mixture is thick enough to leave an open trail behind the spoon.
Step 4 - Remove from heat, and let cool completely before serving.

Step 5 - Stare desolately at your new creation and ponder the meaning of life.
Step 6 - Spread the jam onto a piece of fresh toast.
Step 7 - Visualize eating the toast. Imagine the horrific unknown possibilities of your body reacting to the ingested poison.

Step 8 - Throw away the whole batch of Jelly and realize it's time for you to go to sleep.
Step 9 - Watch FUZZY KITTENS ON YOUTUBE. THEY'RE HILARIOUS LITTLE FURBALLS. OMG. OMG. SO CUTE. OMG.

(Day 2 - optional)

Step 9 - Wake up.
Step 10 - Drink coffee.
Step 11 - Read a few lines of Marcus Aurelius.
Step 12 - Breathe deeply in. Breathe deeply out.
Step 11 - Google "hemlock poisoning"...

Story of my life. Except I visualize the cooking part too. Lol