Venting yet another first time poster

[sweet_tooth]

hi, i've been lurking off and on for a few months now, and i've been meaning to post here because i have no where else to go. i've already vented all i could to my friends. i'm 22, i live with my mom and her fiance. i'm unemployed, only had been employed for 6 months when i was 17/18, and haven't been able to land a job since. i was homeless, i'm about to be homeless again. i don't even want to try anymore, i have a friend in a similar situation, where neither of us want to actually get our shit together. i don't see myself five years into the future. i don't see myself living independently or having an actual good job. i'm genuinely useless and lazy and i don't even want to change. why can't i just fucking die?? if i was given a pill right now that would kill me, and it was the only opportunity in my life, i would take it with no hesitation. i am sick of existing. there is no justice in this world. i don't want anything to do with this fucking society and i don't give a shit if that makes me childish. i've already relapsed back into my eating disorder and pot usage. i've been on medication for about 4 years now, it works, i guess, but the pot is definitely making my suicide ideation worse. that, with my life circumstances, which i acknowledge is more priviledged than others, and just my own self hatred... i don't know what i want to do in life anymore. i want to quit therapy, be homeless, and die of a heatstroke in my dads vehicle. i'm sick of listening to so many stories of evil of this world and no justice being done. i am sick of living in the united states. i'm morally corrupt in many ways, i should die. and don't try to tell me i'm not, you don't know me.

i suppose that's all for now, thank you for reading my ramblings.

 

[hurb]

the I dont wanna try anymore , resonates with me.
there was always a glimmer of hope before , but age and life made me realise how cruel everything was. i never had a goal in my life but deep i always believed things will work out. but they didnt.
fucking hate being unemployed too , because life didnt even give us a chance to start going. the route was shut before we started the race. sure some people manage , but im not most people i have been suicidal since forever.
fuck this timeline

 

[sweet_tooth]

the I dont wanna try anymore , resonates with me.
there was always a glimmer of hope before , but age and life made me realise how cruel everything was. i never had a goal in my life but deep i always believed things will work out. but they didnt.
fucking hate being unemployed too , because life didnt even give us a chance to start going. the route was shut before we started the race. sure some people manage , but im not most people i have been suicidal since forever.
fuck this timeline

sometimes i think it's genuinely pointless to try. i don't think any of this matters in the end anyways, if i can't have complete and total freedom, then what's the point? why should i be forced to stay here even though i clearly don't want to contribute to society? i'm glad i'm not the only one who thinks like this, though, thank you.

 

[pax420]

,

hi, i've been lurking off and on for a few months now, and i've been meaning to post here because i have no where else to go. i've already vented all i could to my friends. i'm 22, i live with my mom and her fiance. i'm unemployed, only had been employed for 6 months when i was 17/18, and haven't been able to land a job since. i was homeless, i'm about to be homeless again. i don't even want to try anymore, i have a friend in a similar situation, where neither of us want to actually get our shit together. i don't see myself five years into the future. i don't see myself living independently or having an actual good job. i'm genuinely useless and lazy and i don't even want to change. why can't i just fucking die?? if i was given a pill right now that would kill me, and it was the only opportunity in my life, i would take it with no hesitation. i am sick of existing. there is no justice in this world. i don't want anything to do with this fucking society and i don't give a shit if that makes me childish. i've already relapsed back into my eating disorder and pot usage. i've been on medication for about 4 years now, it works, i guess, but the pot is definitely making my suicide ideation worse. that, with my life circumstances, which i acknowledge is more priviledged than others, and just my own self hatred... i don't know what i want to do in life anymore. i want to quit therapy, be homeless, and die of a heatstroke in my dads vehicle. i'm sick of listening to so many stories of evil of this world and no justice being done. i am sick of living in the united states. i'm morally corrupt in many ways, i should die. and don't try to tell me i'm not, you don't know me.

i suppose that's all for now, thank you for reading my ramblings.

Your 100% correct, I don't know you and nobody else on here really knows you either. That being said part of me wants to throw my arms around you, give you a hug and tell you shits young to be ok. The other part of me, well most of the other people on here know what it wants to tell you. But we don't know you. So I won't say shit. If you want to talk to me and you tell me about yourself, I i hit me up. I'll listen, not judge you and try to give you some good advice. I kind of see my younger self in you and I'm offering you a hand up not out. If you want it. If not, that's cool too. I wish the best for you either way.