Venting Yeah, suicide is stupid.

[AkaRed]

So I caved a little and ended up opening up to someone about the fact I was actually planning to CTB. As in I was looking to die fairly soon, actually.

They have been the only person I actually opened up to in the past when I was at different lows, and they know I struggle with suicidal thoughts in general.

I thought they were someone I could like, talk to without being belittled or given the usual default responses.

And well,

They didn't take me seriously at all. Their words exactly: "That's stupid".
So now I really, truly have no one— and an increased desire to CTB.

They basically clearly didn't understand how I felt, and immediately inserted their own feelings into the situation while completely ignoring what I had actually just told them.
Like everybody fucking else does.
I thought they were different.
I thought they'd care.

They don't care.

I've always struggled to have people take me seriously in general. Just another curse of my introverted personality and the way I avoid conflicts. But now I can't even be taken seriously when I am truly and utterly at my lowest, most alone and miserable state of being. Like I don't think they actually believe me at all, and think this just some other type of rant.

It's not comforting knowing you're going to die alone, whether it be now or in 100 years. But it just makes it so, so much worse to know that even the last molecule of hope you could've had, the last possible thing or person that would've cared— doesn't. And they confirm that to you, almost immediately.

I need to die ASAP.

<3

 

[locked*n*loaded]

We come into this world alone, and we go out of it alone.

 

[GreenOctober]

It's a gut wrenching feeling when you trust someone with something and it's just thrown into your face. It's like the idea of them you had in your head was just made up.

 

[AkaRed]

It's a gut wrenching feeling when you trust someone with something and it's just thrown into your face. It's like the idea of them you had in your head was just made up.

Literally. All fucking hope is lost.

Random additional thing: But why does everybody assume that being cruel towards me helps?

I got this with my ED, too.

I try and like, open up about something, anything and people always assume 'tough love' or being rude and mean towards me and yelling at me will break me out of it or something. All it does is make me more miserable and alone. But every time that's all I get. Is that truly all I'm worth to people? All they think I deserve?

 

[sserafim]

The funny thing is how they'll talk about how people with physical illnesses are "so strong" and how they "fought" and "battled", yet they call people with mental illnesses or even just people who ctb "weak" and "cowards"

 

[GreenOctober]

Literally. All fucking hope is lost.

Random additional thing: But why does everybody assume that being cruel towards me helps?

I got this with my ED, too.

I try and like, open up about something, anything and people always assume 'tough love' or being rude and mean towards me and yelling at me will break me out of it or something. All it does is make me more miserable and alone. But every time that's all I get. Is that truly all I'm worth to people? All they think I deserve?

Same. I've had people snap at me and I guess they think it'll change me but it never works. I think I'll always be how I am. I'm sorta ok with that though

The funny thing is how they'll talk about how people with physical illnesses are "so strong" and how they "fought" and "battled", yet they call people with mental illnesses or even just people who ctb "weak" and "cowards"

Even at one point in time physical disabilities were seen as weak or a burden. Eventually though it's hard to deny the truth, that there are people who are suffering. Eventually they have to acknowledge the mental side of it too.

 

[divinemistress36]

The funny thing is how they'll talk about how people with physical illnesses are "so strong" and how they "fought" and "battled", yet they call people with mental illnesses or even just people who ctb "weak" and "cowards"

Yes those with physical illnesses are definitely seen as stronger than those with mental illness

 

[Denza]

Literally. All fucking hope is lost.

Random additional thing: But why does everybody assume that being cruel towards me helps?

I got this with my ED, too.

I try and like, open up about something, anything and people always assume 'tough love' or being rude and mean towards me and yelling at me will break me out of it or something. All it does is make me more miserable and alone. But every time that's all I get. Is that truly all I'm worth to people? All they think I deserve?

It's more like they dont actually understand what you're telling them

Most of them already have their opinion set before you even tell them a word with that opinion being "Oh damn here we go again acting all emotional"

They dont know firsthand what youre going through and it makes them even more unreliable since they either dont know what theyre responding to or choose to completely ignore what youre trying to say.

Whats worse is they also think that matching your energy with agression will actually help fix the problem but instead makes it worse than how it was before.

 

[lnlybnny]

i understand you, i've had a ''friend'' who trowed all my insecurities all over my face
it's such a horrible feeling

 

[Csmith8827]

We come into this world alone, and we go out of it alone.

Not trying to hi-jack the post but that is an untrue statement. Babies are born with people 99.9% of the time. Actually 100% because someone has to deliver the child...even if it's a C-section the doctor is still doing it and grabbing the baby. So we actually don't come into this world alone...

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Not trying to hi-jack the post but that is an untrue statement. Babies are born with people 99.9% of the time. Actually 100% because someone has to deliver the child...even if it's a C-section the doctor is still doing it and grabbing the baby. So we actually don't come into this world alone...

We are always within our own minds. The essence of our existence is within ourselves. Anything on the outside is just window dressing. We are ALWAYS alone.

 

[AkaRed]

We are always within our own minds. The essence of our existence is within ourselves. Anything on the outside is just window dressing. We are ALWAYS alone.

Literally this.

<3

 

[Csmith8827]

We are always within our own minds. The essence of our existence is within ourselves. Anything on the outside is just window dressing. We are ALWAYS alone.

You're so full of it dude... your on SaSu right now. Just completely full of it. You have to interact with someone on some type of level. We are alone sometimes but to go your whole life without interacting with anyone is damn near impossible. I'd say the essence of our existence is in relationship with others honestly. You have to work with people etc...but even if you're a programmer and work for like data annotation you still have to interact with someone about a lease... unless you did it at like Starbucks/the library. The point is you have to interact with other people and you are not alone. Just admit you made a blatantly untrue and false statement. I hate to do this on this guys post. I'll just say we agree to disagree.

 

[PurpleMorality]

So I caved a little and ended up opening up to someone about the fact I was actually planning to CTB. As in I was looking to die fairly soon, actually.

They have been the only person I actually opened up to in the past when I was at different lows, and they know I struggle with suicidal thoughts in general.

I thought they were someone I could like, talk to without being belittled or given the usual default responses.

And well,

They didn't take me seriously at all. Their words exactly: "That's stupid".
So now I really, truly have no one— and an increased desire to CTB.

They basically clearly didn't understand how I felt, and immediately inserted their own feelings into the situation while completely ignoring what I had actually just told them.
Like everybody fucking else does.
I thought they were different.
I thought they'd care.

They don't care.

I've always struggled to have people take me seriously in general. Just another curse of my introverted personality and the way I avoid conflicts. But now I can't even be taken seriously when I am truly and utterly at my lowest, most alone and miserable state of being. Like I don't think they actually believe me at all, and think this just some other type of rant.

It's not comforting knowing you're going to die alone, whether it be now or in 100 years. But it just makes it so, so much worse to know that even the last molecule of hope you could've had, the last possible thing or person that would've cared— doesn't. And they confirm that to you, almost immediately.

I need to die ASAP.

<3

I'm very sorry that happened. What a shitty way to react to someone being vulnerable. Too many people treat suicide as a joke and don't realize or care that some of us are serious, or would at least like to discuss the topic with some dignity.

 

[Zanmato]

They didn't take me seriously at all. Their words exactly: "That's stupid".
So now I really, truly have no one— and an increased desire to CTB.

Sorry to hear this.
They could have used... Better words, for sure.
Or asking you more details, of why you feel all if this.

But... maybe, I don't really think that "they don't care", about you, or your feelings, it's more like... since they don't have to deal with these kind of thoughts (luckily?), they just can't... completly understand you?

Plus, usually people (talking in general) just see the suicide as an "easy escape".
(Sure, easy, I wish so. It's easy if you don't have to deal with it)

But sure, their response was... Awful.
Sorry again

 

[Dark Moon]

That's why I just keep suicidal thoughts to myself because my family won't care. This is the only place where I can express it.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's dreadful to me how some humans are just so cruel and insensitive, sadly I just don't believe they can be relied on after all. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Dark Window]

Literally. All fucking hope is lost.

Random additional thing: But why does everybody assume that being cruel towards me helps?

I got this with my ED, too.

I try and like, open up about something, anything and people always assume 'tough love' or being rude and mean towards me and yelling at me will break me out of it or something. All it does is make me more miserable and alone. But every time that's all I get. Is that truly all I'm worth to people? All they think I deserve?

Remember we on this forum are here.

I know its not the same as IRL friends, but at least you know there are others here than can understand and will listen without judgment.

I hope you get better and have a good life but if that's not possible then I respect your right to CTB.

 

[Mi Mi]

So I caved a little and ended up opening up to someone about the fact I was actually planning to CTB. As in I was looking to die fairly soon, actually.

They have been the only person I actually opened up to in the past when I was at different lows, and they know I struggle with suicidal thoughts in general.

I thought they were someone I could like, talk to without being belittled or given the usual default responses.

And well,

They didn't take me seriously at all. Their words exactly: "That's stupid".
So now I really, truly have no one— and an increased desire to CTB.

They basically clearly didn't understand how I felt, and immediately inserted their own feelings into the situation while completely ignoring what I had actually just told them.
Like everybody fucking else does.
I thought they were different.
I thought they'd care.

They don't care.

I've always struggled to have people take me seriously in general. Just another curse of my introverted personality and the way I avoid conflicts. But now I can't even be taken seriously when I am truly and utterly at my lowest, most alone and miserable state of being. Like I don't think they actually believe me at all, and think this just some other type of rant.

It's not comforting knowing you're going to die alone, whether it be now or in 100 years. But it just makes it so, so much worse to know that even the last molecule of hope you could've had, the last possible thing or person that would've cared— doesn't. And they confirm that to you, almost immediately.

I need to die ASAP.

<3

I'm not taking seriously either
I guess I appear strong
I hear often you speak so well
I mask effortlessly
But it took me about 30 years to realize people don't care
They can't see from where you are
Even if they say they can usually they really can't so it's like you have to vet to make sure just as you would with dating or any personal thing in your life
Also I learned it may not be that they don't care
But they don't know what to say or do
So it comes out in ways we can't understand
We wouldn't react that way so we assume they won't either
And now at 43 I get that
I have to remind myself often that unfortunately that's how it is
And honestly I still hold grudges over it because maybe at the time you did what you did
But over time you could change if you want too
Try not to let it get to you
Hold on to it if you want
Just understand that this may be your outcome and it will trigger you
Knowing that can sometimes help bring you down
We're here for you
We understand you
I'm here for you
I understand you
I hope I didn't ramble much and I hope I helped a little

 

[AkaRed]

I'm not taking seriously either
I guess I appear strong
I hear often you speak so well
I mask effortlessly
But it took me about 30 years to realize people don't care
They can't see from where you are
Even if they say they can usually they really can't so it's like you have to vet to make sure just as you would with dating or any personal thing in your life
Also I learned it may not be that they don't care
But they don't know what to say or do
So it comes out in ways we can't understand
We wouldn't react that way so we assume they won't either
And now at 43 I get that
I have to remind myself often that unfortunately that's how it is
And honestly I still hold grudges over it because maybe at the time you did what you did
But over time you could change if you want too
Try not to let it get to you
Hold on to it if you want
Just understand that this may be your outcome and it will trigger you
Knowing that can sometimes help bring you down
We're here for you
We understand you
I'm here for you
I understand you
I hope I didn't ramble much and I hope I helped a little

Thank you for this, it truly means a lot that you took the time to write.

I thank others too who have also provided an alternative perspective- and I know you're right when you say that it comes from a lack of understanding, not a lack of care.

I'm still hurt, and I don't think I'll forget this experience.
I don't think I have any plans to save my life at this time, so for now I'm going to have to dig for SN sources or any other drug I can take.

But regardless, thank you. People like you on this forum are the only thing providing me any peace.
<3

 

[locked*n*loaded]

You're so full of it dude... your on SaSu right now. Just completely full of it. You have to interact with someone on some type of level. We are alone sometimes but to go your whole life without interacting with anyone is damn near impossible. I'd say the essence of our existence is in relationship with others honestly. You have to work with people etc...but even if you're a programmer and work for like data annotation you still have to interact with someone about a lease... unless you did it at like Starbucks/the library. The point is you have to interact with other people and you are not alone. Just admit you made a blatantly untrue and false statement. I hate to do this on this guys post. I'll just say we agree to disagree.

No, youre effing full of it. No matter how many ppl you interact with in life, youre always alone with your thoughts, and what it feels like to be you. Its pretty sad when someone cant even grasp a simple concept that time starts the moment of any creation, and from that point forward, whatever was created starts getting older. You can have your own opinions as to when human life starts, whether on the inside or outside of a womb, but you dont get to have your own facts about when ageing starts. Its a pretty simple concept to grasp that when the egg and sperm got together to start making you, that THAT was the BEGINNING of you, whatever you are - and from that EXACT moment, in this world that is governed by the physics laws we have, of which TIME is a part, YOU, henceforth from that starting point, IMMEDIATELY start getting older, EVEN WHILE STILL IN THE WOMB - and the ageing process CONTINUES once out of the womb AFTER the 9 months in it. This isnt theoretical calculus here. Its pretty damn straightforward.

 

[theboy]

oh, so bad