Venting Yeah opening up to people... It's hard...

[PersonBeforeLife]

And now I have the guilt of hurting a very decent human being because I opened up too much. Honestly sometimes I just think I'm so broken I just contaminate others.

Anyway so that's a friend gone... I mean jeez if I'm too broken for a friend I don't know if that's the closure right there that I'm too broken to end my loneliness and might as well move to 9 then 10 on the Emmengrad suicidal scale as soon as possible.

Oh and tomorrow is my birthday... Fuck me and fuck my birth that put me in this hell. My mom is coming to talk and we are just going to have endless disagreements because she believes it's my mind that's the problem because the world can't be such a bad place and she really can't get it being a woman... Average straight men have zero value and those that do have basically just won the lottery of life.

 

[solely.pain]

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I hate that people tell you to talk to them and when you finally do they say it's too much.

I had a similar experience with opening up to someone. She basically told me that she felt like she was taking the role of a therapist and what I was saying caused her harm. I haven't opened up to anyone after that because of the guilt of hurting her and the regret from ruining the relationship.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I hate that people tell you to talk to them and when you finally do they say it's too much.

I had a similar experience with opening up to someone. She basically told me that she felt like she was taking the role of a therapist and what I was saying caused her harm. I haven't opened up to anyone after that because of the guilt of hurting her and the regret from ruining the relationship.

Wow that's so much worse. I mean that's someone who's a pillar of your day to day life. Not a friend you see 1ce a month. I'm really sorry.

Guess sometimes we are truly alone... Still no clue how my other friend hasn't bailed yet... Think it's because I saved him from a very dark place recently because he was crippled financially and I got involved giving him a lot more money than he asked for when I did an audit on a minimum standard of living for him... Then I taught him how to budget (I did 1 term in studying accounting and created personal budgeting methods that even impressed a chartered accountant I know from my youth) He paid me back in full and has become very attracted ever since for some reason.

 

[Jonah Byrde]

Last time I started crying and opening up too my family I got yelled at for 30 minutes straight. Hard too open up again after that. Then they tell me I should go back too therapy. Some of these things people say makes me think it's just virtue signaling.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

Last time I started crying and opening up too my family I got yelled at for 30 minutes straight. Hard too open up again after that. Then they tell me I should go back too therapy. Some of these things people say makes me think it's just virtue signaling.

It's a hard one but maybe it's both? It's like I want you to be open with me because I am a good person but I actually can't handle the mental toll of your struggle?

 

[Jonah Byrde]

It's a hard one but maybe it's both? It's like I want you to be open with me because I am a good person but I actually can't handle the mental toll of your struggle?

I hadn't opened up in years at that point in time. I doubt I was putting a toll.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

I hadn't opened up in years at that point in time. I doubt I was putting a toll.

I think it shocks people more than one realises... I mean when my family found out about my first attempt some of them were in tears. Now suicide attempts... Are basically Monday.... And I guess for them it's like waiting for a thermally I'll family member to finally pass on to peace. Perhaps that's the best and cleanest closure for them.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

It isn't their burden to carry.