Wrapping things up

[Egddios]

Hey all. I recently was released from 2 weeks at one of the psychiatric hospitals in this state. I had 5 ECT treatments, bringing my lifetime total of ECT treatments to 14.

I take Lexapro, Klonopin, Prazosin, Haldol w/cogentin, and I'm feeling now I'd be surprised to make it through the next coming week. The two methods I feel most confident in are hanging and the night night method. I don't own or have access to a firearm.

Anyhow, what's most poignant to me now, in the quiet of my apartment, is the lack of places to talk about these feelings without being 5150'd. I wish people who really wanted to end their lives had a legitimate option. As far as I go, I'm looking to end my life by hanging in a few days.

I'm withdrawing a bit, I notice it. I'm not reaching out to by partner. I miss him, I love him, and must hope he will eventually respect and/or understand my decision.

My father I imagine will be angry with my decision, and I take some comfort knowing I won't be alive to hear him berate me. I will miss my sister, she's a total gem.


Show me the way to get out of this world
'Cause that's where everything is
If everything is goin', I don't wanna stay here
Who wants to stick around and watch the world disappear

song by Peggy Lee

 

[Laststop]

I hope you make the decision that's best for you, and what you really want. The few people we leave behind that we care about, and care about us, is the toughest part.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you've been through so much. I hope you'll be good to yourself while deciding how to proceed. Hydrate. Eat your spinach. Breathe deeply. Make good choices for yourself. (((Hugs)))