Iamtired

Iamtired

Experienced
Sep 30, 2023
210
My reasons for ctb are mostly circumstantial, so if everything turned out right for me no I probably wouldn't want to ctb. But in terms of these circumstances they were not really within my control. I think I have largely stuck to my own values and principles throughout my life, i made all the sacrifices I could without complaint, I put my family's needs first. The major problem is that I was too optimistic, too trusting, and really trusted the wrong person and was betrayed at the worst possible time in the worst possible way. The abuse and circumstances has left me unable to trust my own ability to pick the right person or trust others again. I've been betrayed and maliciously abused by my loved one, that's why I want to ctb. If what I had done wrong was to pick the wrong person then yes if I had picked the right person I thjnk I wouldn't have ctbed. But I didn't know, they lied about many things and I was naive.

I guess the point is you could do everything right, but you don't have control over other people's actions and intentions, and those can happen to you because of the hand you were dealt in life or just unlucky in encountering and trusting shitty people.
I feel this. I relate 100%
 
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MiMif

MiMif

I do not live for others to understand me...
Sep 13, 2023
588
Yes...the main reason I want to ctb is myself and I will continue being suicidal unless I become a completely different person. I am in school and I do well I've always gotten good grades...I have okay social relations. The problem is I don't care...and I can't form any real connection with anyone or connect with anyone's pain. I can't even feel real empathy for people not even myself....there honestly is just something wrong with me...when someone around me is sick I feel like they're faking it for attention.

When I'm sick I feel like im lying and faking for attention as well...I'm broken beyond compare and have always been like this
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
9,835
It's difficult to say really. I haven't made the worst decisions in life. I followed my dreams. I worked and still work hard. I've met with limited success and constant struggling. That doesn't really make me happy!

The events that put me on this path weren't down to me. Lots of close family members died. Then, I feel sure I ended up with a (suspected) narcissist who made me feel like this to begin with. The rest of my life has been a coping mechanism really.

I should have made more effort to overcome things like social anxiety and lack of confidence. That probably would have made a difference.

Maybe if I'd learnt a trade, I would have got a more stable job. I doubt I'd be happy in it though. I doubt I would have got much job satisfaction from it. I'd say I was creative. Not to say I'm good at it but- I have a creative drive. I find that people that have that drive but can't express themselves wither and become depressed. So, in a way, I don't feel like any other path for me would have been happier.
 
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WretchedDreams

WretchedDreams

Quiet hopelessness
Feb 20, 2023
37
It isn't easy to know, but I think that I would still have the idea of CTB since, in itself, being content in life is momentaneous at best
 
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NocturnILL

NocturnILL

She will become the wind…
Sep 11, 2023
434
I'm not really sure…I think about my life now and sometimes think back, if I changed certain things to make it better, it doesn't really make a difference. I don't believe I've made horrific decisions. If anything, I think a lot of my more "bad" decisions stemmed from feeling how I feel. It's possible things could've been better but I do strongly believe I'd still long to ctb.
 
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vampire2002

vampire2002

weeb & neet ♡
Oct 8, 2023
145
probably. the main reason i'm suicidal is largely due to things out of my control, being abused as a child especially. i didn't do anything wrong in that situation, but it still affected me greatly. it gave me or at least exacerbated some mental illnesses. most of my situation was out of my control, my poor choices that were influenced by this just made it worse.
 
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