The short answer is yes.
The long answer is that, from my perspective, I believe I have made all the right decisions in my life. I find myself in a place that may not align with societal expectations, but it resonates with my personal desires. If given the opportunity to go back in time and redo each choice, I would still opt to make the same decisions, provided that I could retain the knowledge of each one. I see no alternative world in which I am not grappling with thoughts of suicide. I possess a deep understanding of myself, acknowledging that regardless of the circumstances, I would inevitably question aspects of existence and arrive at the same conclusions that shape who I am today.
I am suicidal primarily because I strive to see beyond the confines of the narrow bubble that proclaims, "Life revolves solely around family, job, and taxes." By doing so, I recognize the insignificance not only of myself but also of humanity as a whole, our civilization, and all life on Earth. Every action we take, every endeavor we pursue, ultimately seems futile. I find it tiresome to repeatedly hear the notion that having a family, a job, and paying taxes constitutes the utmost importance in life. This sentiment often originates from individuals who fail to grasp the profound reality that we inhabit a planet, orbiting a star, which, in turn, revolves around the center of a galaxy. Moreover, this galaxy itself is subject to the gravitational pull of a mysterious force known to scientists as "The Great Attractor." These contemplations encourage me to embrace a broader perspective and question the perceived significance of conventional societal expectations.
Irrespective of the choices I could have made, I consistently arrive at the same conclusion.
Perhaps my perspective would differ if society had a greater appetite for scientific knowledge and intellectual pursuits, prioritizing them over the pursuit of wealth and immediate gratification.
