Discussion Would you still be suicidal if you did everything right in life?

[ultrasharpy123456]

I would. The problem with me is even if I did everything right in life and listened to my mom, went to school and graduated, and got a job I would still have these tendencies. My destructive behavior ruined my life.

I don't like when people scream at me. I was traumatized from that to the point where I screamed in the shower arguing to flashbacks of those who yelled at me, thinking of scenarios of what I would do. People's aggression, my own abuse, and the understanding of how pointless life is lead me down this path. The only reason I don't commit suicide is I don't have the money to get a gun. I have SN but I don't have anywhere to take it except maybe outside or while my brother is sleeping and I don't want to take that chance.

Besides... yesterday I started watching testimonies on Hell and people meeting demons and others being possessed and now I'm afraid if I kill myself I'll go to hell. I don't want to go to hell.

I should have never wanted to make videogames. I should've listened to my mom and went to school and got a job in tech or something even though I don't care for it.

 

[scamper]

My life is no longer worth living to do my own poor decisions. I think if I did everything right in life, I would have been able to craft a future for myself that I would want to live to see. With that being said, I don't think my decision to ctb makes the path I'm on worse than the path I could have taken; it's just different.

 

[Huntfish34]

If I did everything right....... Probably not, but life is so damn unpredictable I suppose it's possible? Who knows -

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I don't know if there is an "Everything Right" for me. Even if there was I don't think I could take care of myself.
I would still be poor.
Everything Right for me would have been to CTB in my teens.

 

[itsallpointless]

Don't think so. Alot of my pain is by my own doing

 

[Higuri]

I don't know, but I certainly would be in a far better mental space. I made a lot of mistakes and they just kept piling up until I turned into a failure.

 

[RW__Asher23]

Yes, First because of the time I was born and what was happening in the world up until 18 I did most things "Right" but the events of the world and what was happening the things that changed my life entirely after I entered the service. From that point on nothing right I could have done would have made a difference in the effects of life and world on me. 2nd At this point in my life regardless of me doing everything right all my life there is my illness that is going to kill me if I don't ctb before it starts to take me. That would be worse than any ctb. Pain and suffering until death. NO! I wish you the best no matter what any of you do which way you go or not from here . Wish you the best journey you can have to the place you need to be. Peace.

 

[Werewolf]

Nobody in the entire world has done everything right you live and you learn, or you don't. If I could go back 15 years and tell myself to do things differently - most definitely I would. Don't treat anxiety with alcohol for one. I'm not disparaging anyone else's situation but for myself the problems I had when I was 20 seem trivial now but of course didn't seem so back then.

 

[liffey]

Yeah, my brain is just not wired to feel that much happiness.

Though, sometimes there aren't right decisions but only difficult decisions - you would've probably still regretted it if you had made another choice. In reality, no one can do everything right.

 

[Homo erectus]

It really doesn't matter. Most parents are just normal people. Only those with exceptional skills and social networks can benefit their children by giving them a head start (but they might have other problems too). Most parents just say the same things: get good grade, go to college, get a good job... Let's say only 5% will actually graduate and get a good job, because the numbers of college space and good jobs are fixed. 95% are bound to "fail", even though they have done all the right thing. It is a feature of modern societies that most people are losers. 95% of losers convince themselves, "It's my choice. I like it", and live. The rest are suicidal.

 

[Viranamari]

Definitely not. No matter who I am, what I do or what happens to me doesn't change the fact that life is ultimately, meaningless. Even if I am successful, I can assure you that it won't change anything. The cruel aspects of this world would sink back to my mind and suicide would be the only way to escape it. But, of course, that's just my assumption of my life at least. I'm sure there are many people out there whose lives could be changed if they didn't make a mistake.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

I like to think my connection to oblivion is stronger

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

I think many of the wrong choices I made on purpose were out of a desire to be closer to death or to make my will to ctb a bit stronger, so I don't know how to answer because it's not like I want to make things "right" and push further away the inevitable end

 

[WonderfulWeatherDIE]

There are some things that are uncontrollable in my life that definetly make it more miserable and shitty than its supposed to be.
But there are also many things I could have done.
If I had the willpower and the brain to go to College and get a real job, not some dead end wagie shit, I wouldnt be here.

 

[Time&Regret]

I feel it depends. There are the stereotypical people who do everything right (house, kids, spouse, good job, good grades, etc) and still become suicidal/CTB. People can collapse under the pressure of being expected to do right all the time.

 

[Pancake]

I probably would not be suicidal if I did everything right. Maybe I'd still feel miserable, but it wouldn't be unbearable, and being happy seems possible. Most of my problems were caused by my mistakes so if I never made them, I wouldn't have so many.

 

[borderline-feline]

I definitely wouldn't be living an ideal life, and I'd probably be suicidal. Even if I'd done everything right, that wouldn't change how much I hate my body and want to tear it apart for how wrong it all is.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I'd be happy right now, all my suffering has mostly been due to poor decisions on my end. Sure I had a bad start with a family that has heavy ties in mental illness and drug abuse but that's something that can be turned around.

I was actually on a fast track to recovery until I went into psychosis and my girlfriend left me. So I believe I 100% would be living an okayish life right now. I guess I might just be prone to psychosis since I had a few episodes during puberty.

You either recover or die trying.

tl;dr Absolutely not since my poor living conditions and other quality of life issues are caused or at least exaggerated by my poor judgement skills.

 

[CompleteControl]

Kind of a loaded question I mean what's a right decision and a wrong decision where we sit in life can be related to a number of variables maybe even consisting of things we had no choice of right or wrong and staticly happened out of our power to have even made a different decision. If you made the right decision everytime I don't think you would learn from your mistakes and vice versa if you live self destructively you will never been able to recall times you used your better judgement too navigate obstacles we face in our lives. If I had made all the right decisions who knows if I would still be here today. But no I don't think it would affect me wanting to CTB.

 

[scorpion]

If I did everything right, I wouldn't have gambled my savings away. I wouldn't have cut off the people who cared about me. I wouldn't have isolated myself in my room day in and day out. I wouldn't have lost her, the one person I loved and would give everything for. If i did everything right and didn't lose her, I wouldn't have done all the previous I mentioned and more. That being said, no, I would definitely not be suicidal.

 

[downndone2]

No, if I wouldn't have ruined my life at 40, I'd still be living the dream. Instead, I made terrible decisions and lost most all in my life. I am a shell of a person, lonely, isolated, anxious, depressed.

 

[FuneralCry]

My wish to die isn't a result of my mistakes or my own actions, it's a logical response to me existing here in this world. I could never wish to exist in this unpredictable world where there is unlimited potential for us to suffer, and I see nothing appealing about existing. The way that I see it, it would always be completely irrational to wish to stay here just to decay from age and die anyway, I see no value in enduring this futile struggle that I was never meant for and never needed to exist in the first place. I would always be suicidal as long as I exist here as I simply despise being conscious and aware, I wish to peacefully pass away into nothingness.

 

[EfiLoneVolon]

No, my life would have been completely different if certain decisions were made earlier in life.

 

[SatouR]

My life is a mistake.
Could have made different decisions but i dont think it would have changed anything.

 

[stermc]

Well, I have been suicidal since 12yo and I don't think I did something "wrong" at that time. I haven't made any big mistakes in this life, to be honest. I think suicide is just the obvious response my soul has found to the way my mind works and how it doesn't match this world and society.

 

[NambaSutra]

It's hard to say. First of all, define "everything right in life"? I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do for most of my life but I still ended up miserable and really depressed. I think it has more to do with messed up brain chemistry/wiring than what I actually did.

So I think I would feel suicidal no matter what.

 

[charlotte_]

life is full of unpredictables, and it's hard to define what's "right", so I'm not sure. but oh well, if I truly did everything "right", I wouldn't even know that suicide is an option so maybe

 

[Elohim]

I would. The problem with me is even if I did everything right in life and listened to my mom, went to school and graduated, and got a job I would still have these tendencies. My destructive behavior ruined my life.

I don't like when people scream at me. I was traumatized from that to the point where I screamed in the shower arguing to flashbacks of those who yelled at me, thinking of scenarios of what I would do. People's aggression, my own abuse, and the understanding of how pointless life is lead me down this path. The only reason I don't commit suicide is I don't have the money to get a gun. I have SN but I don't have anywhere to take it except maybe outside or while my brother is sleeping and I don't want to take that chance.

Besides... yesterday I started watching testimonies on Hell and people meeting demons and others being possessed and now I'm afraid if I kill myself I'll go to hell. I don't want to go to hell.

I should have never wanted to make videogames. I should've listened to my mom and went to school and got a job in tech or something even though I don't care for it.

Man, I don't think anything in my life would make me change my decision, I'm just waiting for my sn and other stuff
My problem is not about my life, but human life nowadays
So many relatives all fucked back in my country
And so many levels of prejudice, to the point to not consider another human been a person, exploration and slavery
I don't think the fault of this are "humans" specifically, perhaps we could have had another path. But this infinity of greed of late capitalism is draining all the world resources and it just works in a way that many people need to be on the slums of society to happen.
I know many people might not agree just because I'm criticizing capitalism, this doesn't mean I don't think other methods wouldn't fail either, but is undeniable how many people living in Brazilian favelas need to be grinded in the machine so we can have 1 Neymar.
Others might say is just the way the things work, just natural. But idk just too much suffering in the world and doesn't matter how much of a good person I try to be, the world is just getting worse and we are all trapped in a net of exploiting and being exploited.
I don't think I wanna be part of it, I'm tired of never being able to make a change, to help someone for real. I can give as much as I want for a homeless in Sao Paulo, 2 steps more and there will be 5 more homeless, I cannot make a change to a system that is doomed to slavery and to kill the world.

 

[coldblood]

No idea. I was abused so there's only so much I can "do right." Unless that means turning into a robot so I didn't have to respond to the abuse through struggling mental health.

 

[Janine]

Yes and no. This is obviously a hard question to answer as you don't know whether you would've ended up having the same realizations, thoughts and feelings about life and yourself. I personally have a harsh outlook on life since I realized various things about myself and the future, and actually think a few decisions wouldn't have changed the way I am. If I'm being honest, I appreciate I turned out this way somehow.