Would you rather die than do 30+ years to life in prison and you're already 40+ years old?

[Jean Améry]

That's a question only those who are unfortunate enough to have to make that choice can answer. Rationally speaking it would seem preferable to erase oneself from existence but the will to live is strong and it might even make a harsh prison sentence seem preferable to death.

What is death? How willing and able are you to attempt CTB with true conviction? What kind of life would you have in prison?

You have to look deep within yourself and find out the answer for yourself.

 

[Rachel74]

That's a question only those who are unfortunate enough to have to make that choice can answer. Rationally speaking it would seem preferable to erase oneself from existence but the will to live is strong and it might even make a harsh prison sentence seem preferable to death.

What is death? How willing and able are you to attempt CTB with true conviction? What kind of life would you have in prison?

You have to look deep within yourself and find out the answer for yourself.

Also what kind of life will you have when you leave, you said you have family waiting for you. You have money. I'd at least try jail if it wasn't for me then I'd ctb.

 

[Sunset Limited]

Damn it! Looks like it's bad. I hate life even when I'm not in jail. Prison is like hell. If there is no choice other than ctb and jail, I will choose ctb.

 

[Rachel74]

Damn it! Looks like it's bad. I hate life even when I'm not in jail. Prison is like hell. If there is no choice other than ctb and jail, I will choose ctb.

See where you live I'd expect jail to be horrible but OP is in USA so hopefully better jails. If it's like orange is the new black then I'll go to jail.

 

[Sunset Limited]

See where you live I'd expect jail to be horrible but OP is in USA so hopefully better jails. If it's like orange is the new black then I'll go to jail.

Yes, Turkey is a fully open mental hospital. For example, wounding someone with a firearm is almost free. If it's your first offense, you won't be fined. Funny country if you don't live in it. Do not mess with people if you come to Turkey.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I traveled across a large portion of Turkey by rental car from Rize to Istanbul over 3 weeks. Wonderful country, Picked up hitchhikers, lovely people. Never had a reason to mess with anyone.

Don't underestimate US prisons. It's a different kind if hell, but hell nonetheless.

 

[Sunset Limited]

I traveled across a large portion of Turkey by rental car from Rize to Istanbul over 3 weeks. Wonderful country, Picked up hitchhikers, lovely people. Never had a reason to mess with anyone.

Don't underestimate US prisons. It's a different kind if hell, but hell nonetheless.

Just because the Turks treat you well doesn't mean they're good people dude. They may have been nice to you because you're a stranger. This is a tradition. They can pull a gun on you just for looking at someone. They put collar on women here. The beating of children and women is legal. If a woman goes to the police station for beatings, they tell her to go to her husband's house. Ninety percent of the people on the route you follow have weapons. There's a murder every day. You really have to live there to get to know it. I was born in a city on the same route you followed. Its Samsun. In high school, most of the students came to school with guns. Don't be fooled by their smile, their kindness. If you criticize them, you will see what they are. World Touring cyclists girl, was raped and murdered in Turkey. This is not a safe place. Freedom? No way!

This is the work of an artist. Shoes of murdered women. Most of them were killed because they wanted a divorce. There are almost no women here who are not exposed to violence.

 

[BipolarExpat]

^ fair enough ;)

My apologies regarding my ignorance.

Sorry to hijack thread.

Back to topic please. :)

PS: murder by Turk (instead of cop), possible? :p

 

[mnjkl]

The stories you hear about prison are mostly exaggerated or very rare cases, and the documentaries focus only on the worst prisons. If you like to sleep, read, write, and workout then I would give it a chance. You can always kill yourself in prison, even OD if you want.

But if I was you I would just run. With a sentence that long you don't have anything to lose so why not try? Just don't take your phone with you because they will use the gps to find you.

 

[Soul]

But if I was you I would just run. With a sentence that long you don't have anything to lose so why not try? Just don't take your phone with you because they will use the gps to find you.

@ChristopherWalken's family is evidently important to him. If he goes to prison he can have limited contact with them. If he flees to somewhere without extradition his contact with them will be minimal. If he kills himself, contact with his family will be over (unless it's not - tba).

But @ChristopherWalken told us already that fleeing doesn't seem viable, so ...

When parole would be possible seems critical to making an informed decision.

 

[Meretlein]

I would definitely ctb. If I were in your position I would try and ctb fast before it is too late.

 

[mnjkl]

@ChristopherWalken's family is evidently important to him. If he goes to prison he can have limited contact with them. If he flees to somewhere without extradition his contact with them will be minimal. If he kills himself, contact with his family will be over (unless it's not - tba).

But @ChristopherWalken told us already that fleeing doesn't seem viable, so ...

When parole would be possible seems critical to making an informed decision.

If it were my family member, I would much rather know that they're free than be able to visit them in prison. He could still call them which is pretty much the same as a prison visit. Of course he might not make it, but if he's going to CTB because of this then he might as well try an alternative solution first.

 

[Soul]

I would definitely ctb. If I were in your position I would try and ctb fast before it is too late.

If it were my family member, I would much rather know that they're free than be able to visit them in prison. He could still call them which is pretty much the same as a prison visit. Of course he might not make it, but if he's going to CTB because of this then he might as well try an alternative solution first.

Both of you make good clear sense to me - as does the option of counting on reading and writing to see me through until parole. That's the whole problem with @ChristopherWalken's dilemma. None of the options are really good, but they all make sense in their way.

@ChristopherWalken, I know what I would do, but not what you should do. All I can say is that if you don't *want* to die, then find some other way.

Keep us updated, okay?

 

[RememberWhatUCameFor]

cant you just leave the country and leave somewhere in south america?

 

[Stan]

Your time will there will also depend on the crime you have been sent down for. If its something like a bank robbery, fine, if its something that goes against the grain of even the most hardened career criminal then you will have a constant target on you. Epstein.....

 

[RedShoes]

Exactly. I don't see the point in going there to suffer for all those years and probably die in there. The real issue is I kinda have a little ptsd from jail and it would be so much easier to ctb at home than to try and do it in prison. They make it really hard in prison. Unless I could study up and become an expert at night night method with a bedsheet or something before I go in.
Maybe I can survive prison though... I have this little hope but I know hope is a delusion. But if I could manage to delude myself for all those years I'd finally be free. Dammit. Thank you all for helping me through this I am completely losing my mind over here. This shock and ptsd are real from just a few well several days in there but maybe it would be bearable I mean others have done it. If I just had a pen and paper and something to read I think I could do it. And maybe in the future the world would become kinder? Hahahaha how stupid that sounds now that I say it.

I know you can't talk about it but can you at least answer this question: do you, regardless of whatever plea you actually enter, believe you're being tried for a crime you committed?

I'll refer to Kai the Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker as I'm 100% convinced his story is correct (he beat a guy up who'd drugged and raped him, upon waking, and this guy was old and ended up dying from his injuries -- I don't blame Kai for his death and think the correct conviction would've been some form of actual bodily harm on the grounds of diminished responsibility); he's just been convicted of murder for 57 years. Idk. If it were me and I was innocent of what they'd accused me of, I'd use it to fight a system that's fucking people over.

Maybe you could spend your time helping Kai? Lol. Sorry. It's really shit. I got a simple caution a few years ago and life's been over for me since...miscarriages of justice suck on all levels and being innocent (or innocent of the exact crime you're being convicted of) doesn't mean it's at all easy to prove innocence...

In terms of actually killing yourself, I don't ever think it's okay to tell someone what to do. If you can't face it, then you're going to have to work that one out for yourself. I hope you stay in touch though.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

i'd rather die. death is the only beautiful way. no more problems

 

[TAW122]

Death over being imprisoned because spending time (especially decades to an entire lifespan) in prison is mental torture and also not to mention having to defend yourself constantly from other inmates and the general population doesn't sound fun at all.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I would rather die at any age than spend 30 years in prison.

This is something I don't think people on here can truly comment on, considering the majority of the users here are here for CTB reasons.

That's the choice I would've made even when I wasn't suicidal.

 

[ChristopherWalken]

Thanks everyone for your input I really appreciate it. I think everybody's point is valid. I see the futility of life, even without the threat of prison, and I respect anyone's choice to check out of this cruel world. I still may depending on what happens tomorrow. But for now since I'm getting so much support from my loved ones, I think I'll try to give it a chance. If only for their sake. Even if it's a long prison term, maybe I can make it. I think I'm spoiled in this world, back in the early days of civilization people used to live in worse conditions and survived, I just need to adapt to a much lower standard of living.
If happiness is an illusion and hope is a lie and I'm leaning towards yes they are, the people important to me seem to believe in them, so if it means I have to suffer for their sake for all these years I guess I'll do it. Or maybe I'll get in there and catch the bus after 6 months who knows lol.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I think I'm spoiled in this world, back in the early days of civilization people used to live in worse conditions and survived, I just need to adapt to a much lower standard of living.

That's because they were laughably ignorant and thought that they would go to hell if they checked out early. You'll be almost dead by the time you get out so it seems pointless to me, but don't take that as criticism though. I think the fact that you are willing to do it just for your family is very noble, although in my honest and humble opinion it's very misguided. I believe that your family is unconsciously manipulating you to stay alive purely for their sake but that is only my speculation. Just remember that once you're in, you will be trapped there until your term ends and very likely won't be able to ctb (or it will be very risky.) 30 years is a LONG time, especially at your age. Anyway, I'm crossing my fingers that you won't end up regretting it.

Good luck in there.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm falling heavily on the side of killing myself would be preferable to prison but I'm having some doubts. My experience with jail (never been in my life until these past couple months), has been horrible. I'm pretty healthy and don't have any mental issues, but I'm 48 and I've been told the possibilities of getting out early are pretty slim.

I hate it here … I'm already in prison. Being in an actual prison would be a thousand times worse.

 

[ManWithNoName]

I'll make sure I go out in a fucking hail of gunfire.

Suicide by cop. I always thought that was just an expression, but it's a real thing now that the police are so trigger happy.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

30 + Years? Did you say what the charges are?
And 47?
Is that your personal pic for your Avatar?
You look 27 if so.
Sorry.
I shoulda added.
I wanna die now.
I am nearing half a century and my whole "life" has been a torturous existence. I am here in desperation now.

I think the Avatar pic is Chad Kroeger from Nickelback. If not … then they were separated at birth.

 

[ManWithNoName]

The prison system is ultimately designed to break the spirit /soul of anyone who goes in there. So you may have the strength now, but after 30 years?

Then there are those who can adjust to prison life ok, but will be at a major disadvantage to readjust to life once they get out - very old and a prison record = unemployed.

Do you mind if I ask what you were convicted of? Over criminalization has become the new norm in dystopian America.

Living confined in a small cell somehow seems peacefull to me (if I don't have to share it).

But if the prison denies you things to occupy your time it will get torturous. This is solitary confinement and is considered hell. No books, no internet, no excercise.

 

[Soul]

@ChristopherWalken, any updates you can share?

 

[Sweet emotion]

Wait, I'm sorry but this original post, I just don't understand it.i understand you want to die. So why is the thought of going to prison even in your head? Why would you rather go to prison then die? An I the only one asking myself this instead of going through all the little details? I don't even understand the question.

 

[Rachel74]

@ChristopherWalken, any updates you can share?

was wondering this also.

 

[gingerplum]

Keep us posted!

 

[ddim]

Is it a regular prison in America (39:05)?
It looks like a homeless shelter, I thought that a prison should full of cells.

Thanks everyone for your input I really appreciate it. I think everybody's point is valid. I see the futility of life, even without the threat of prison, and I respect anyone's choice to check out of this cruel world. I still may depending on what happens tomorrow. But for now since I'm getting so much support from my loved ones, I think I'll try to give it a chance. If only for their sake. Even if it's a long prison term, maybe I can make it. I think I'm spoiled in this world, back in the early days of civilization people used to live in worse conditions and survived, I just need to adapt to a much lower standard of living.
If happiness is an illusion and hope is a lie and I'm leaning towards yes they are, the people important to me seem to believe in them, so if it means I have to suffer for their sake for all these years I guess I'll do it. Or maybe I'll get in there and catch the bus after 6 months who knows lol.

Since you still get some love, support and attachment in this world, I think serving the sentence is a reasonable choice.
Maybe you can try to behave well and then join some special programs as the movie "The Mustang (2019)" or sentence outside of jail.

Anyway, all the best to you, no matter what your final decision is.