Would you rather be less suicidal or more suicidal?

[heartisbroken]

I know this seems like a silly question at first but hear me out:

I was talking to someone the other day about the benefits of taking medication, which they pointed out can lessen suicidal thoughts. And that got me thinking. Personally, I wouldn't wanna be less suicidal at all. I would want to be more suicidal, just to move me over that edge, get me past that survival instinct and fear that is preventing me from following through on suicide.

What about you all?

 

[Opichi]

Probably less suicidal so I can continue a lazy existence without being pestered by mental illness.

 

[Hurt]

I can't be more suicidal. I'm everyday on the edge. I don't know how it feels not to be suicidal. I can't remember that feeling. I had everything ahead and now my life is ruined. I'm just waiting for the proper time to attempt

 

[Zegers]

I dont know, i dont like this life so i guess there's no choice but to walk out the door and reset it.

 

[symphony]

Yeah, more. Then I might actually get dead soon. One of my biggest fears in continued treatment is that I'll get better enough that I'm still miserable as fuck, but not suicidal enough to do anything about it, so I'll just go on suffering indefinitely.

 

[heartisbroken]

I dont know, i dont like this life so i guess there's no choice but to walk out the door and reset it.

This is exactly how I feel. Like yeah, I could be less suicidal but my life would still be my life.

 

[Everydayismisery]

Literally the latter & couldn't agree more. I'm already like a 10/10 suicidal but I need that extra push to get me over the edge. I'm almost hoping a close family member would die as that's like the only thing I can see pushing me.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case it would be impossible for me to be less suicidal. Wanting suicide is perfectly rational in a world like this and it is what makes sense for me. However my problem is the fact that suicide is very difficult for me and I have the fear of failing the method. If I was even more suicidal I would be trapped in endless misery and pain with no way out and that would be awful. I think if I got to that point I would try to attempt and would probably fail and that is my worst nightmare.

I don't want to be less suicidal as I want nothing to do with life at all and I simply don't want to exist. I think that the answer for me is that it is best to not exist at all. I do not want to 'be' anything. As long as I exist I will suffer no matter what. Death is the only thing that would solve the problem that is existing.

 

[keitaro]

this is an interesting question. i am more certain of wanting to commit suicide than ever before, but having even more confidence would certainly help. however, i don't want to feel the type of suicidal state that gives me a lot of anguish and anxiety, which i've experienced frequently in the past. my current suicidal state is very calm, which i am grateful for.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I'm 'happy' with my current level of suicidal ideation. I don't think I'd recognise myself if I didn't feel suicidal or felt any less suicidal.

Honestly though, I'm not sure I'll ever have the guts to actually do it. I actually joined this site a few months back when I was feeling a lot worse- to try and get myself nearer to a method. It frightens me so much though. (The physicality of doing it plus any possible repercussions in an afterlife- would love to believe there's nothing but raised around the concept that suicides go to hell).

It was horrible to be feeling so intensely suicidal and still feeling that I couldn't do it. I don't want to do it while my Dad is still alive anyhow. Perhaps, when he goes, I will have the push I need but I don't know. Think it's worse to feel it more intensely if there's still something or other preventing you from following through on it.

 

[Nlis2244]

More suicidal, for your same reasons. So I could continue living my last weeks without worrying if I'll be able to Ctb.

 

[hellispink]

I would just prefer not having existed. I don't like the fact of recurring to difficult methods to leave, neither I enjoy the fact of living a pointless life with less suicidal thoughts. I prefer I wasn't a thing whatsoever.

 

[WaitingAllMyLife]

I would choose to be more suicidal. One of my greatest fears is chickening out when the time comes. My doctor (who knows nothing of my plans) first tried upping my sertraline and when I didn't like that, she attempted to add wellbutrin. First I did not have approval and then there was another delay which I decided to see as a sign I shouldn't take it. But the truth is I'm scared it will take away my resolve.

 

[lofticries]

More suicidal to the point where I make si my bitch.

 

[Klophy]

I'd also prefer to be more suicidal, so it would finally push me over the edge.

If the less suicidal option came with drastic improvements to my life, I would honestly go for it...

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'd rather no longer be suicidal, and be suicide-ed.

 

[aeri]

I know this seems like a silly question at first but hear me out:

I was talking to someone the other day about the benefits of taking medication, which they pointed out can lessen suicidal thoughts. And that got me thinking. Personally, I wouldn't wanna be less suicidal at all. I would want to be more suicidal, just to move me over that edge, get me past that survival instinct and fear that is preventing me from following through on suicide.

What about you all?

tbh same

 

[ctb-soon]

Depends on where I am at that moment. If I am walking up the steps to put a noose around my head, my guess is I would wish I were a whole lot more suicidal to make it easier to fight SI which will start very soon.

 

[Sapphire]

I would rather not be suicidal at all.

 

[jazzcat]

I don't really know how my life would be if I was less suicidal, it seems impossible to still be myself and not be suicidal

 

[lethargic]

I would rather just not be suicidal. All of this shit is, ultimately, in my own head. Even if I continued to live a wholly average life with barely any purpose, as long as I've convinced myself that it does not matter at all and have that inner peace that most people seem to have and were born with, then that's all that matters.

 

[Kikoo]

I know this seems like a silly question at first but hear me out:

I was talking to someone the other day about the benefits of taking medication, which they pointed out can lessen suicidal thoughts. And that got me thinking. Personally, I wouldn't wanna be less suicidal at all. I would want to be more suicidal, just to move me over that edge, get me past that survival instinct and fear that is preventing me from following through on suicide.

What about you all?

Same as you actually.

 

[TRIXI3]

This depends on how you look at it… my answer is either. If I'm less suicidal, I'd be happier and life would seem okay, as if there is a reason for it all. Being more suicidal would mean that I would have the ability to try and kill myself without feeling that maybe there was something in life that I should've waited for and missed out on. I'm at that middle ground right now where there's still hope, but I fucking hate my life and dread every single day that comes at me.

I want it to end, but maybe there's something out there. The middle of the road, on the fence feeling SUCKS and I don't wish it on anyone.

Either option is a better option than this.

 

[ixocat]

Probably less suicidal so I can continue a lazy existence without being pestered by mental illness.

Felt this in the depth of my soul. I as well feel a sense of guilt for being alive, lazy, useless and not contributing to anything. Not saying you are these things. I have borderline personality disorder and it cripples me dead God. I feel like an angry, shitty miserable person who takes up the time and money of others. I don't know if you share this feeling or if it's universal. Just my thoughts :T