Discussion Would you guys tell your partner that you're suicidal?

[keroppi4406]

So this was really unexpected for me.. just at one of my lowest points in life when I feel so ugly and insecure about myself this guy at work asked me if we could hang out sometime. I genuinely don't understand why he would want to hang out with me. I don't know what to do I'm going out with a guy for the first time. I feel kinda undeserving like hes going to get bored of me once he gets to know me because my depression has made me a shell of how I used to be. I can't lie, I've always felt a little resentful or jealous for couples because I didn't think I could ever experience what thats like. My plan was to make it two more years because there are somethings I want to see first and I need to save enough money to move out and get a shotgun. I'm pretty certain I will go through with it. I feel like I'm being selfish for allowing a potential relationship in my life so I can feel less alone in the mean time before I ctb. I don't want to hurt more people he seems like a nice guy. I don't know if I should tell him or not. If he would tell on me, and I don't want to hear him pitty me or try to change my mind which I've up a long time ago. But I also wonder that what if he has the same thoughts as me. Would you guys tell your partner that you're suicidal? And if you have, how did it go telling them?

 

[shampoo sniffer]

If I had a partner, maybe I wouldn't be suicidal in the first place.

In answer to your question, probably yes.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

Not at all. I don't trust anyone to not report me.

 

[keroppi4406]

If I had a partner, maybe I wouldn't be suicidal in the first place.

In answer to your question, probably yes.

I truly hope you can be happy and find a partner I understand how you feel

 

[Jisatsu]

Of course, I mame sure to tell anyone before we do date to let them know I'm chronically suicidal.

 

[Anonymousa]

Yes I would cus suicidalness its a major part of me. If they can't accept then they aren't a good partner I would say. Tho all my relationships I been in and the one I am currently in are of people who are also suicidal to some degree so literally no risk of hiding it with them at all.

 

[keroppi4406]

Thank you guys I really appreciate the advice I think I will tell him then when I get to know him a bit better if I sense that he would not tell. I have a feeling this might not go anywhere though. If he doesn't accept that, then I'll just try to find someone who I know feels the same way or I'll just ctb by myself. Even if he reports me there is nothing thats going to stop me from committing so I've got nothing to lose. But if anyone has different thoughts or experiences feel free to share!

 

[penguinl0v3s]

If suicide is something that you think about every day, then I'd argue that it's a significant part of your life. Avoiding disclosure about that would be exhausting and I wouldn't tolerate a relationship where I couldn't share my worries. I hope your talk goes well.

 

[torturedmind]

I'd recommend telling them about how you are depressed and insecure before just straight out telling them you're suicidal. Maybe then you can get an idea of their thoughts surrounding depression and mental illness in general before deciding on being open about the suicidal aspect of it all.

 

[keroppi4406]

I'd recommend telling them about how you are depressed and insecure before just straight out telling them you're suicidal. Maybe then you can get an idea of their thoughts surrounding depression and mental illness in general before deciding on being open about the suicidal aspect of it all.

Good idea, I won't tell him yet, I just hope that I can ease into feeling like its ok telling him about it and that when I first open up about my depression to him it won't lead him to ask if I'm suicidal because he'll know somethings up if I try to shy away from answering that straight away. I guess if it does lead to him asking that when I bring up my mental health, I'll have to be honest. And I'll have to at some point anyway to avoid giving him a false pretense of this being a long relationship and giving him the option to leave now if thats too much. I'll just have to hope then he's understanding

 

[bunnƴ]

no if i had one it would instantly go away probably

 

[littlecutecorpse]

not that i've directly told him (or maybe i have, but in the moment of rage), but he probably knows i'm actively suicidal anyways. it doesn't seem like he gives much a damn, yet shames me for such. all he keeps telling me is to have hope like i haven't fucking given up on this life already yet gets upset when i tell him otherwise....and somehow i'm still concerned with how he'll feel once i'm gone from this planet. i wish i wasn't so attatched to him :(

 

[noheart]

If my partner cannot determine when I am suicidal. Then what kind of partner are they?

 

[keroppi4406]

not that i've directly told him (or maybe i have, but in the moment of rage), but he probably knows i'm actively suicidal anyways. it doesn't seem like he gives much a damn, yet shames me for such. all he keeps telling me is to have hope like i haven't fucking given up on this life already yet gets upset when i tell him otherwise....and somehow i'm still concerned with how he'll feel once i'm gone from this planet. i wish i wasn't so attatched to him :(

That must be difficult, I wish people could be more compassionate and understanding instead of dismissive of how you feel always saying to just be happy and get over it when no one knows your feelings and your decisions more than you.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

My partner already knows, and still sticks by my side regardless.

 

[lonergirl_26]

My partner knows. I'm very open about it. Sometimes he has a hard time deciding wether or not I'm making a dark joke or being serious

 

[tamamori]

i'm pretty open about that sort of thing, so they've known. they're also mentally ill and struggle with suicidal thoughts of their own, and we both knew that about each other before we even started dating.

actually, in general, i feel like most of the people i know (or at least am close to) actively struggle with mental health to some degree, so i'm not even too used to talking to people who have never had a suicidal thought in their lives. it's awkward because i tend to joke about it to cope so when i'm talking to someone who isn't in a similar situation i sometimes end up accidentally scaring them because it's so natural for me to joke about it with my partner and my friends. so yeah, they've been aware, and they're similar to me in that regard. i feel like we cause each other a lot of worry at times because of it.

 

[Quantum_Marten0302]

i wouldnt be suicidal if i had a partner

 

[Forever Sleep]

I hope I would. I've never had a partner but my one friend I keep in sort of regular contact pretty much knew anyway but I've dropped hints recently to let them know it's a viable possibility I may do it some day. They have had ideation too so- it was always easier telling them.

But, it just feels fairer to me. If a person wants to be or wants to continue to be closely connected to us, I think it's only fair to make them aware of the risk of what could be ahead. That way I figure- if they don't feel like they can experience that, they can choose to back away now.

I do understand what you mean though. There is the risk they could try to stop an attempt or that they could react badly. Do you not think maybe having someone may change life for you? But then- that would be my worry too. What if I just stayed the same?

 

[keroppi4406]

I hope I would. I've never had a partner but my one friend I keep in sort of regular contact pretty much knew anyway but I've dropped hints recently to let them know it's a viable possibility I may do it some day. They have had ideation too so- it was always easier telling them.

But, it just feels fairer to me. If a person wants to be or wants to continue to be closely connected to us, I think it's only fair to make them aware of the risk of what could be ahead. That way I figure- if they don't feel like they can experience that, they can choose to back away now.

I do understand what you mean though. There is the risk they could try to stop an attempt or that they could react badly. Do you not think maybe having someone may change life for you? But then- that would be my worry too. What if I just stayed the same?

I agree. For me personally, having a partner won't make me want to continue living. Even if someone could love me, I dont love myself. I've just been kinda over life for a long time I just don't think its for me, and I've come to peace with my decision

 

[meiherasayuri]

probably not

 

[keroppi4406]

So update, I told him about my depression and if he is also depressed he said no, and that it gets better and he wants to offer support but yeah, the usual response and I just quickly moved on from the topic. So yeah, it's not going to work

 

[sohopelessandempty]

So this was really unexpected for me.. just at one of my lowest points in life when I feel so ugly and insecure about myself this guy at work asked me if we could hang out sometime. I genuinely don't understand why he would want to hang out with me. I don't know what to do I'm going out with a guy for the first time. I feel kinda undeserving like hes going to get bored of me once he gets to know me because my depression has made me a shell of how I used to be. I can't lie, I've always felt a little resentful or jealous for couples because I didn't think I could ever experience what thats like. My plan was to make it two more years because there are somethings I want to see first and I need to save enough money to move out and get a shotgun. I'm pretty certain I will go through with it. I feel like I'm being selfish for allowing a potential relationship in my life so I can feel less alone in the mean time before I ctb. I don't want to hurt more people he seems like a nice guy. I don't know if I should tell him or not. If he would tell on me, and I don't want to hear him pitty me or try to change my mind which I've up a long time ago. But I also wonder that what if he has the same thoughts as me. Would you guys tell your partner that you're suicidal? And if you have, how did it go telling them?

I've told my partner. He is very understanding and sweet, but obviously doesn't want me to do it. He wants me to be happy and to get better instead of killing myself, which I understand. It's not his fault I am this way. He helps me feel better, even though he can't fix everything.

 

[LuckyStrike]

Im actively hiding it.

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

I did and they left me, along with other valid reasons. I understand why, it still hurts. I haven't tried again and I wish I had the courage to.

 

[indianachrome]

i elude to it but don't go into details about the hours spent on Sa Su. Nobody wants to hear that i don't think

 

[MapleS]

They know and respect that I have a choice

 

[AprilsForeignWinds]

Did that once, and they left me because I was a sinner for considering it or wtv. Second partner found out from snooping through my shit and literally never addressed it. Not that I'll ever date anyone again, but if I did have a partner right now i probably wouldn't tell them, cause it wouldn't change a thing.
Actually , almost everyone in my life knows I'm suicidal, many even know a bit about my plan. No one thinks I'm gonna go through with it, so they don't care. Some chose their own peace and left me, which is fair enough.

 

[like-spoiledmilk]

I would definitely not. There are three main risks, in my opinion.

First, lots of bad people dig into your vulnerabilities early on to use against you later. Telling them something as personal as being suicidal is like handing them nuclear codes. I'd especially be worried about a coworker telling everyone I work with.

Second, I don't want to be fixed. Not only is that exhausting and setting an early power imbalance, but people become frustrated when they inevitably can't. Then, you're 'overly negative' and they have emotional fatigue. I personally had this happen after telling someone I was dating after a decade. Doesn't feel good.

Third, someone might just report me. No thank you.

Good idea starting with telling him about depression, though. I'll keep that in mind.