Would prefer to just do nothing forever

[HealMyBrain]

Hey everyone. I'm back after a slight hiatus. Things actually got a little better for a time, but alas, things came back crashing hard.

I really do not want to continue living any longer. At the same time, I don't have the motivation to off myself. Because truthfully, I don't have the motivation to do anything at all. I don't have the motivation to die, or to improve, or to be happy. Every day is a struggle to just get up and do things. At the beginning of last fall, I was so motivated and peppy. Now, I want out, but I'm not even motivated to do it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still gonna try to CTB very soon. Just wanted to vent a moment about not having the motivation to do anything at all, positive or negative. I just want to sit here and melt into my bed and just do nothing for the rest of eternity.

 

[notforl0ng]

I'm glad it's not just me. This is my plan until mid-March when the escape plan arrives. Rent is paid with the last of my money (month to month rent) and I'm going to get every last dime's worth of this overpriced bullshit before I go for an extremely long walk into the woods and CTB.

 

[qu13t5l33p]

Nothing is better than nothing. Depression hits us so hard and forces us to ignore whatever we know will make us better, rather that be CTB or trying to recover.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I want to do nothing too which is why I like death as then I wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again. Though doing nothing whilst being alive sucks as that just means that our inevitable responsibilities that we have to take will be getting delayed (unless if we're dead that is). It would be nice to do nothing and not have to worry about anything as well

Either way, I wish you the best of luck

 

[xmissellax]

I feel this. At the moment, the only thing keeping me going is potentially being able to source reliable SN. I'm despairing as time goes on though as I just don't know where to find a reliable source. And then I fade into nothingness. The only other accessible options to me are the train or throwing myself off a bridge into the Thames. Both extremely painful.

 

[Valky]

Feeling the same atm but it is important to remember that sessional depression is still a thing and the current weather is affecting a lot of people. Obviously, the decision is up to you but since you are not certain/don't have the motivation I just wanna throw in that the summer might probably get better again, since the weather lightens the mood.

Though I totally get you, I hate this constant up and down but it does get better for me personally, every year, a little bit. I wish that it can/could be the same for you too!!
Wishing you all the best!

 

[HealMyBrain]

Feeling the same atm but it is important to remember that sessional depression is still a thing and the current weather is affecting a lot of people. Obviously, the decision is up to you but since you are not certain/don't have the motivation I just wanna throw in that the summer might probably get better again, since the weather lightens the mood.

Though I totally get you, I hate this constant up and down but it does get better for me personally, every year, a little bit. I wish that it can/could be the same for you too!!
Wishing you all the best!

I do understand the potential for it to be seasonal. But for me, it's mostly health related anyway. I wish it was something as simple as "it being winter," but unfortunately the problem runs much deeper. I am not who I was before.

 

[Valky]

I do understand the potential for it to be seasonal. But for me, it's mostly health related anyway. I wish it was something as simple as "it being winter," but unfortunately the problem runs much deeper. I am not who I was before.

Oh yea no, that is not what I mean!! :)
I do have diagnosed depression and winter is always worse for me and many others. I am not saying, you are gonna be completely fine and happy in summer, but it is likely that you will feel better than in winter.

 

[LostInTheWoods]

For me is the same, I just want to stay in bed doing nothing apart from helping my family if they need to, and honestly I don't even think why I should do something?! For whom? For myself? I hate myself

 

[lotus11]

This so relatable. For me, I know I won't manage it until I am somewhere far away and that is going to be both very expensive and involve some planning. If I was in a position to just do it where I live honestly I've lost everything and all motivation for life so I think I could do it right now