Would it have been better to receive an Asian-mom type of education?

[BeansOfRequirement]

Why? Because your parents were too nice to you? Is that why you ended up here? Don't you think you'd still be fucked up from that anyway? I'm not going to dismiss what you say but I really just wanna know why you think being abused would have made things better for you.

Already answered this.

Tiger parenting is inherently abusive no matter how you slice it because you have to resort to depriving them of physical or emotional needs in order to create discipline whenever the child decides they've had enough of it or anytime they do something that they didn't realize was wrong.

Semantics.

If your genetics made you a super compliant automaton who just listens to any authority with a smile then maybe tiger parenting could have worked on you but if that's all you needed, you could say the same about some types of military training. Go join your local army.

Too late now, you have to capitalize early on the adaptive traits (imo).

 

[aneurysm]

We can fuck whoever we want

You're just bitter because you can't fuck Muslim women

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

My parents had the ''he's smart, he'll figure it out ! That means we can leave him completly alone, drink beer and watch tv all we want and everything will be A ok '' type of education, with occasional outburst of ''youre worthless and no one will ever love you'' kind of parenting if i dared bring home a 98% instead of 100% on my exams.
*They were right about no one ever loving me though i guess*

 

[summers]

You're just bitter because you can't fuck Muslim women

I like my women to still have a clit.

Edit: And I like to have the option to fuck guys without fearing for my life too.

Female genital mutilation - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

for those of us who have no self-discipline whatsoever. Sometimes, I wish I was tiger-parented.

I wish I didn't waste my childhood daydreaming, watching animes and depressing about lack of friendship.

What a waste.

I spent every second of my life watching TV and now youtube videos so yeah i would've benefitted from that. I wasn't taught any discipline, how to live well , work ethic, how to get things done, nor any of the rules of life nor anything really . Just now beginning to even learn what reality is .

I'll be homeless within 2 years if i don't get a work ethic , self-discipline , learn a job skill and get a job and be able to get up every morning work 40 hours and keep the job

 

[aneurysm]

I like my women to still have a clit.

Female genital mutilation - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

you probably meant a dick. Women are getting instinct in your society anyway, aren't they.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Already answered this.

So your parents didn't care at all about your success, right? Then what about that is stopping you from reaching for it now? It must have nothing to do with them I'd imagine. It genuinely sucks that they didn't care enough about you succeeding at all but you're an adult now and that means you can probably at least find it in you to want to learn about things for yourself instead of for them. I still don't think the answer to them not caring about you is caring so much that they would hurt you and call it love.

Me on the other hand, everytime I even think of learning anything to do with math, science, or computers I wince because I think of how it would have made my dad happy because of his stupid PhD in Computer Engineering. I honestly wish he never cared about me or that he had died at an early age. At least that would have given me plenty of room to move on instead of having to dwell on all the physical and psychological torture that's permanently stuck in my brain that he implanted all because he "loves me and just cared about me having a successful career".

 

[summers]

you probably meant a dick. Women are getting instinct in your society anyway, aren't they.

That's kind of homophobic.

Read my last post's edit.

 

[aneurysm]

I like my women to still have a clit.

That's kind of not true? (most of us have clits)

That's kind of homophobic.

also, homophobia is praised where I live. Just being a good citizen

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

So your parents didn't care at all about your success, right? Then what about that is stopping you from reaching for it now? It must have nothing to do with them I'd imagine. It genuinely sucks that they didn't care enough about you succeeding at all but you're an adult now and that means you can probably at least find it in you to want to learn about things for yourself instead of for them. I still don't think the answer to them not caring about you is caring so much that they would hurt you and call it love.

Me on the other hand, everytime I even think of learning anything to do with math, science, or computers I wince because I think of how it would have made my dad happy because of his stupid PhD in Computer Engineering. I honestly wish he never cared about me or that he had died at an early age. At least that would have given me plenty of room to move on instead of having to dwell on all the physical and psychological torture that's permanently stuck in my brain that he implanted all because he "loves me and just cared about me having a successful career".

Not sure what you're trying to convey here, comparing us or our parents isn't really going to shine any light on anything. I disagree with the idea that my lack of success would be completely unrelated to my genes and environment.

 

[Fragile]

I'd doubt that. How come scientists and mathematicians only observe the disastrous effect of their creations only 20 decades laters. Not very observing of science. Also, intangible science is a thing. You can't perceive in any way because it's the point, it's it's essence. Just like birds don't hit each other's when flying together, because they communicate. You just don't see how.

Obviously there's an intangible part to science, that's why some people design devices that can measure it, or through time they can observe different process that are affected by it and then have a clearer picture about what we can't feel with our senses, and yet, it's undeniably there.

In a way this may be similar to the essence of religion, but in a more complex and less spiritual way. Also, science is supposed to evolve, religion is something that doesn't change and there's no one to answer our questions, when was the last time that some god has communicated with us, he (it's definitely a he in most religious texts) seems to be awfully quiet lately.

But who knows, maybe science will reach the point where we discover that there are creators who used to communicate with us.

 

[summers]

also, homophobia is praised where I live. Just being a good citizen

Wow, you really just said that on ss. I'll tell you what, I'm going to drop this. You win, you and your society are better. Congrats.

Plenty of LGBTQ members who have dealt with a lot. They don't need to be subjected to your ignorance.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Not sure what you're trying to convey here, comparing us or our parents isn't really going to shine any light on anything. I disagree with the idea that my lack of success would be completely unrelated to my genes and environment.

Well it's in your name so I guess I can't fault you on that. To be honest I don't quite know myself what I'm truly trying to say at this point. Let's agree to disagree.

I guess maybe I'm just saying that the environment you're asking for would be very unlikely to make a positive difference even if it replaced the one you got because it's very unlikely you actually have the genes for it. I say that because even I have the genes for it and I still wasn't ready for that environment. I'm naturally submissive and overall compliant to authority but I also just wanted to have fun and be free just a little bit like any other human being.

Maybe that's my mom's genes mucking it all up because that 0.02% central Asian in my dna is likely actually the Dutch trader who was my mother's grandmother's grandmother in Taiwan over 400 years ago (a Dutch trader in Taiwan would likely have had lots of genes from the Central Asia region because of the Silk Road).

Either way, I'm really sorry I lashed out at you and others. I'm just really mad that it felt like some of my most traumatizing experiences were being invalidated by some people here even if it wasn't meant that way. I sincerely wish you could at least have the chance to try it out for yourselves if that's what you really want and if it works, then hooray. Timeline changed. Sorry again, I'm trying really hard to sleep because it's like 4:30 am where I live so that's my excuse...

 

[aneurysm]

They don't need to be subjected to your ignorance.

I'm a bisexual woman in a Muslim country. If I have a sense of humor and can turn myself into derision, they can too.

I'm going to drop this

K bye.

 

[Ashley_1988]

I think the discourse we are having is a little confusing.
From my point of view it is comprehensive that we are getting somewhat emotional when we talk about the our various upbringings. Nevertheless i guess we actually can´t compare different education styles in the means of creating boxes like "tiger-parenting", "tough love" as well as in regard to an "anti-authoritarian education". I think it is important to understand that every parenting style has to be sharply criticized when its taking to its extremist form.

If parents are strict but are still caring and respecting u as a person and in particular make their actions/consequences transparent and are not acting out of pure arbitrariness. Yes strict parents are oftentimes a pain in the ass and as a rebellious teenager u surely wish them to be more chilled. But if u know in the end of the day they just love u and want the best for u that sound pretty good to me.

And on the other hand if u are having so "chilled" parents that u feel like u can do anything u want, and they don´t give a shit- it is plausible u feel like they don´t care at all. For example u get into trouble with the police u actually rebel cause u want them to finally see u but nothing happens..it hurts.But relaxed parents who are positive u need to learn from ur own mistakes but are here to catch u when u fall. Than u as a kid know they do care...

sorry for blabbeling...to Summarize.."the most important part is that u know the parents love u, and are respecting ur choices (in dependence to your age) if their parenting style no matter which (from the above mentioned) is truning into neglect and a abusive on a emotional or physical level. Than it is not acceptable at all and surely as a victim u tend to feel like the total opposite upbringing must felt like heaven but its not that simple i am afraid.

 

[Lupgevif]

My parents were really bent on my future sucess, but I am where I am right now, so I don't know if they were more strict it would've helped me at all.

 

[Symbiote]

My mom had no hope of me ever succeeding in life, but figured she just force me to do things I didn't want to. I carved my own path, made my own mistakes, own up to it, voila....back to suicide.

 

[WornOutLife]

I would've probably ended up being the same and had told them my parents to go f*ck themselves.
To make matters worse, I might've ended up being a homeless because if I don't want to do something, there's nothing you can do to force me do it. I just won't lol.

It's amazing an individual like me has got a degree and become an independent person in spite of having overprotective parents.

 

[Makko]

Authoritarian parenting can be good. Tiger parenting is not. The difference between good and bad authoritarian parenting is in the pedagogy. Tiger parents are those who think that parenting is 100 % about giving orders, which is why they are so notorious for mentally ruining their children. Authoritarian parents who raise successful and well-adjusted children know the soft factors of teaching so that they can properly shape the mentality of their children. They also know that children who are never given any choice in anything will grow up into passive slaves, which means that they must be allowed choice in matters of taste.

 

[Into The Void]

1. You almost certainly mean "authoritarian". "Authoritative parenting" is a nonsense phrase – it simply doesn't contain any meaning in conventional English.

2. What research? This claim sounds wildly implausible.

It's all over google. Just google what's the best parenting style according to science.

Why are my parents so retarded? JUST READ A BOOK BEFORE YOU FUCK, GOD DAMN!

I'm assuming you don't mean that literally. Parenting is hard for many because what it means to be a parent cuts to the heart of many peoples personality. Some parents just have really shitty personalities are not conducive to health parenting.

 

[BandAddict]

My mom and stepfather were very strict, but not in areas that would "lead to success". I didn't go to school for most of my life, I was homeschooled, and I hated it. I got yelled at all the time and was criticized for not getting things right away. It made me hate school, and I went through periods where I'd say I didn't want to learn that day, which turned into many days.

Most of my childhood memories were either making up imaginary worlds in my room to escape, or being disciplined or subjected to domestic violence (won't go into that too much). My stepfather gave me a nosebleed when I was 5 because I forgot to wash my hands once, for example. It was small things like that. Walking too slow, walking too fast, being too loud, being too quiet, etc etc. I was reading over the phone one time as a homeschooling assignment and started to stutter on the first sentence. Was yanked out of my chair and had the shit beat out of me with a leather belt, dragged across the floor and beat some more. Happened more than once. Did it fix things? Make me read better? Fuck no. Turned me into a nervous wreck.

At the same time, they were overprotective. Everything was dangerous, people were dangerous, other kids could be dangerous, and we didn't leave our room a lot of days and just played. Didn't have many responsibilities other than simple chores here and there.

When I lived with my grandma for a few years, she was different, but still extremely strict and emotionally/phychologically abusive. I was mopping ceilings and shit, cleaning all day every day, skipped school to help her with all her indoor and outdoor projects, but was still "lazy" and "ungrateful" and "didn't do anything". I mean, I can clean really well now, but it did more harm than good if I'm honest.

That's a lot of frustrated rambling and for my nerves I'm going to stop, but I don't think anything can be cut and dry. I think any kid can look back and think about what should have been done differently. Our parents think that too sometimes, with us and/or their own parents. Sometimes they're just miserable, awful people, to put it simply. I can't say what I would have rathered. I could say I wish they weren't so controlling or aggressive "for my own good", but would things really be much better if they were super relaxed and didn't pay so much attention? I'll never know for sure. Could they have done better? Probably, but also, mental illness is a factor as well. Then kids react differently to different parenting methods, but bottom line is, it can't just be black and white. There has to be checks and balances, and no matter what, abuse (physical/mental) should NEVER be used to control a kid.

This was probably a mess, so sorry. This topic gets me worked up.

 

[whywere]

My mom and stepfather were very strict, but not in areas that would "lead to success". I didn't go to school for most of my life, I was homeschooled, and I hated it. I got yelled at all the time and was criticized for not getting things right away. It made me hate school, and I went through periods where I'd say I didn't want to learn that day, which turned into many days.

Most of my childhood memories were either making up imaginary worlds in my room to escape, or being disciplined or subjected to domestic violence (won't go into that too much). My stepfather gave me a nosebleed when I was 5 because I forgot to wash my hands once, for example. It was small things like that. Walking too slow, walking too fast, being too loud, being too quiet, etc etc. I was reading over the phone one time as a homeschooling assignment and started to stutter on the first sentence. Was yanked out of my chair and had the shit beat out of me with a leather belt, dragged across the floor and beat some more. Happened more than once. Did it fix things? Make me read better? Fuck no. Turned me into a nervous wreck.

At the same time, they were overprotective. Everything was dangerous, people were dangerous, other kids could be dangerous, and we didn't leave our room a lot of days and just played. Didn't have many responsibilities other than simple chores here and there.

When I lived with my grandma for a few years, she was different, but still extremely strict and emotionally/phychologically abusive. I was mopping ceilings and shit, cleaning all day every day, skipped school to help her with all her indoor and outdoor projects, but was still "lazy" and "ungrateful" and "didn't do anything". I mean, I can clean really well now, but it did more harm than good if I'm honest.

That's a lot of frustrated rambling and for my nerves I'm going to stop, but I don't think anything can be cut and dry. I think any kid can look back and think about what should have been done differently. Our parents think that too sometimes, with us and/or their own parents. Sometimes they're just miserable, awful people, to put it simply. I can't say what I would have rathered. I could say I wish they weren't so controlling or aggressive "for my own good", but would things really be much better if they were super relaxed and didn't pay so much attention? I'll never know for sure. Could they have done better? Probably, but also, mental illness is a factor as well. Then kids react differently to different parenting methods, but bottom line is, it can't just be black and white. There has to be checks and balances, and no matter what, abuse (physical/mental) should NEVER be used to control a kid.

This was probably a mess, so sorry. This topic gets me worked up.

HI @BandAddict ! I 100% agree with you so, so much. I am 65 years young and I STILL live with the scars of my "parents". I was NOT wanted, I have a older brother and a younger sister and my "parents" called my "the mistake" to my face, in public everywhere, till I was 18 and got kicked out. I never figured it out but my "dad" used me a a stress punching bag and hit the hell out of me and NEVER EVER once touched my two siblings. When my "parents" died they left my younger sister a hobby farm and cash and my older brother got over 2 million U.S. dollars and I got ZERO. You are so, so wise. when I read your post, my heart filled with love for you, as I know the pain, hell I am still living with it after almost 50 YEARS! You are a GREAT Global Family Member, as you love, care and have empathy towards others without condition. I send you all my love and kindness and support! Walter (yes Walter is my REAL first name, never ever anything phoney about me ever)

 

[Mara09]

I guess given the fact that my lack of education came to haunt me and ended up one of the factors for me wanting to ctb, yeah I would've been better off with a tiger mom probably

 

[BandAddict]

HI @BandAddict ! I 100% agree with you so, so much. I am 65 years young and I STILL live with the scars of my "parents". I was NOT wanted, I have a older brother and a younger sister and my "parents" called my "the mistake" to my face, in public everywhere, till I was 18 and got kicked out. I never figured it out but my "dad" used me a a stress punching bag and hit the hell out of me and NEVER EVER once touched my two siblings. When my "parents" died they left my younger sister a hobby farm and cash and my older brother got over 2 million U.S. dollars and I got ZERO. You are so, so wise. when I read your post, my heart filled with love for you, as I know the pain, hell I am still living with it after almost 50 YEARS! You are a GREAT Global Family Member, as you love, care and have empathy towards others without condition. I send you all my love and kindness and support! Walter (yes Walter is my REAL first name, never ever anything phoney about me ever)

What you went through was horrible, I read your previous posts and couldn't believe what you've been subjected to. (Also others here who have suffered, it's saddening) But I'm glad you were able to stand up for yourself, and are spreading all the love you should have received all your life. That goes for everyone here, too, there just needs to be more fucking love...

Thank you <3

 

[Cashewmilk]

I really hate the "you're an adult now, you can do anything you want", as if I was just born yesterday or something, or as if I came out of my childhood completely fresh and ready. I don't know maybe it's just coming from young people and they just don't get it yet, but your childhood leaves lasting scars on you. I'm in my 30's now and I can't stop having vivid dreams about my childhood, and my sister is 36 and she only began to realize her abuse within the last 10 years, and it's ruined her forever, I don't think she can ever recover, she was sexually abused when she was 5 years old and never told anyone about it until she was 16, and my parents were shit parents (not as bad as some of the parents in this thread though except they did beat up my older sister) but still shitty and not fit for having multiple kids, should have only had 1 because my parents could only focus on 1 at a time. But my parents basically learned from their mistakes with the first 2, and succeeded on the third try. They divorced a long time ago but my dad still always made sure to make time for us (mostly my younger sister) even though he was totally bipolar and a crack head psycho.

Surprise surprise only 1 of my siblings turned out successful and it was obviously the youngest because my parents - mostly my mom gave all their energy to her...I mean she's kind of a spoiled entitled brat though but still was a straight A student and just graduated university and got a great job recently. I foolishly thought my younger sister was a great person until I got to know her more (we lived together all our life but I never talked to her besides hi/bye/congrats etc type of stuff, we're 11 years apart and I was entering dreadful teen years when she was a child). But recently now she's an adult and is allowed to know what's really going on and we have had discussions, and I just really don't like her at all. I hate how she treats and views animals like obedient slaves that only exist to please her, and how she thinks you can just always be flippant and careless about everything (she's still too young and hasn't made major mistakes yet so I'll give her a pass on that), and how she invalidates me and every other person who has severe mental illnesses, she thinks the whole "well you're an adult now, you should just get over it", and "you can't use your mental problems as an excuse, you have to just be normal, you should just control it" bullshit, even to issues like autism and ADHD, all traits which I have, it's so frustrating to hear that I should just "learn to control your anxiety attack", like I can just shut it off like a switch, like I can stop my heart from beating my blood pressure rising, or somehow ignore my learning disabilities and "just do it", I've only NOW figured out I have all of these other things, when I was younger I didn't know because I never got diagnosed with anything because no one cared about my mental health when I was a young child, it wasn't until I attempted suicide at 14 that my mom tried to get me to talk to doctors and stuff. She's very lucky she didn't inherit the mental illnesses and get the horrible parenting and abuse and she had an awesome life and no responsibilities, never had to do chores and housework, was given so many opportunities and was never compared to, yelled at, hit, shamed and forced to do anything. Was shielded from everything and was given so much love and affection. Honestly I'm so disgusted with her I just hope she suffers in her future, I hope something bad happens to her, I hope she breaks down and her mental illness gene kicks in when she's older and has everything to lose. She's such a horrible person, but I won't say anything to anyone about it. I will just wait and see if she changes her mind as she gets older, she's only 22, but I doubt it, she's just like my mom and my mom's 60 and still acts that way. Oops sorry for my off topic rant... I will go away now...

 

[SueySide]

I was tiger parented, not really by my mom but by my dad. You people saying you want this don't know how lucky you are to not have parents like this. My dad would literally beat me if I got anything less than 90 on any of my tests and whenever he caught me lying about my grades he would beat me harder. This may come as a fucking surprise, but you can't fix stupid just by punching it harder. My mom was more like a normal parent but if she had been exactly like my dad I likely would have killed myself even sooner. It got so bad one day that he when he caught me lying about why I was going to summer school for 10th grade biology (I told him everyone was failing when it was really only like a third of the class), he snapped so hard, I had bruises all over my body from the horse whip he used, a black eye, and he made me strip to my underwear, go knock on all my neighbor's houses, and tell them what a liar I was before forcing me to kneel in our backyard. Did I study harder? Not even in the slightest.

I think living under such an authoritative and abusive father just made me even worse off anyway because it gave me values that don't gel with the modern world meaning I'm also ideologically isolated from the few friends I have. If you're dumb enough to think you'll be more motivated to achieve great things just because your parents beat the shit out of you, think again. That motivation still has to come from within like with anything else. It's either there or it isn't.

This happened to me as well, except it was both of my parents who dealt the abuse out on me together. They rationalized that I was the eldest child so it was normal for me to be disciplined more than my younger brother and sister because I needed to be a good 'role model' for them. The result was not only ideological isolation from everyone, but I was unable to connect with my siblings on any level either. I will always have this strange and extremist attitude towards things that no one else understands as a result of my upbringing, and at a very young age I believed that I would kill myself rather than live in shame or without dignity. I am convinced that tiger parenting in my case, even though I consider myself to be extremely mentally resilient, has shaped me into something not really human anymore. I always desired to feel what everyone else felt, and envisioned what it would be like to have a doting mother or a father that treasured his daughter, but I've come to terms that I would never know. I always wanted to know what it feels like to feel 'safe' and 'secure' in an environment that was comforting and accepting, but these very basic human concepts have been denied to me since I was a child. Abuse always accompany tiger parenting, because if these types of parents actually cared or listened to what they're children felt or wanted, then they wouldn't fit the definition of 'tiger parents' anymore. Tactics such as humiliation, physical abuse, emotional abuse, are all employed so that they can control you to do what they want.

 

[SueySide]

So your parents didn't care at all about your success, right? Then what about that is stopping you from reaching for it now? It must have nothing to do with them I'd imagine. It genuinely sucks that they didn't care enough about you succeeding at all but you're an adult now and that means you can probably at least find it in you to want to learn about things for yourself instead of for them. I still don't think the answer to them not caring about you is caring so much that they would hurt you and call it love.

Me on the other hand, everytime I even think of learning anything to do with math, science, or computers I wince because I think of how it would have made my dad happy because of his stupid PhD in Computer Engineering. I honestly wish he never cared about me or that he had died at an early age. At least that would have given me plenty of room to move on instead of having to dwell on all the physical and psychological torture that's permanently stuck in my brain that he implanted all because he "loves me and just cared about me having a successful career".

Wow, my dad also has a PHD in computer science and he is absolutely frightening. Funny how similar Asian parents are.

 

[jenny6391bubbles]

I'd probably be more suicidal if my parents were tiger parents. But what's worse than tiger parenting is parents that don't show any empathy towards you. My parents are slightly more empathic than before, but it still sucks especially with my mom who thinks some mental health disorders are just fake and people with these disorders are just too sensitive and need to get used to the "real world". Pretty sure these people are already used to the said "real world", they're just fucking tired of everything.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'd probably be more suicidal if my parents were tiger parents. But what's worse than tiger parenting is parents that don't show any empathy towards you. My parents are slightly more empathic than before, but it still sucks especially with my mom who thinks some mental health disorders are just fake and people with these disorders are just too sensitive and need to get used to the "real world". Pretty sure these people are already used to the said "real world", they're just fucking tired of everything.

My dad, aka the Tiger Parent of mine, was also very dismissive towards mental health. He believed therapy wasn't a real profession and that psychiatry was just an excuse to push drugs. Funny enough he probably suffered from some form of Asperger's himself but he'd never admit it.

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

I'd probably be more suicidal if my parents were tiger parents. But what's worse than tiger parenting is parents that don't show any empathy towards you..

Hey, why not have parents who are both?

My own family was both tiger parents and treated my feelings as "not real". In other words, they though my depression was just "whining" and my anxiety was just "cowardliness". At the same time, they expected me to show empathy to them and be "their rock for them to lean on" in times of trouble.

I did try telling my therapist about all this, but she just laughed at me and mocked me. She was solidly on my parents' side, despite knowing the whole story, and had no intention of helping me. I turned to drinking alcohol and abusing cold medications instead.