Would heavy, frequent drug abuse be an exclusion criterion for you for a partner or close friend?

[noname223]

So I met this very liberal, progressive woman. We sort of had a date. I think she is in an open relationship.

The second meeting was insane. She invited a friend who she dated with anti-social behavior. And she just accepted his behavior towards me.

But the moment I learned she is into hard drugs my interest in her decreased massively.

The last (and first) woman I had a relationship with smoked cigarettes. I hate cigarettes. But they are not as Bad as LSD. Something the liberal woman seems to take frequently. She said she uses it to heal her traumata. But she is taking it against the advice of her therapist. Also under circumstances where its contraindicated. Of course she gets the drugs from her dealer. And all her friends are into drugs. During the second meeting all of them held an eulogy how great drugs were. And her anti-social friend became really aggressive when I said weed can make psychosis more likely in teenagers.

For the record I never drunk intentionally in my whole life alcohol. I am pretty much against drugs. But I used benzos and z-medication too frequently. But I only got them through my psychiatrist and never took them recreationally. I only take them because I have a very fragile mental health. I even went through a severe withdrawal of benzos. And I did it all on my own because I did not want that in my medical records there is written I abused Medication. I still have psychosomatic issues because of the withdrawal. The peak was 2023. Its insane how damaging they can be.

Maybe you will now consider me a hypocrite. One thing to know
I had psychosis and the use of weed, LSD and mushrooms are way more dangerous to me than alcohol and cigarettes. So its also a consideration how dangerous they are to me personally.

There are some drug users that say alcohol kills people, whereas noone died from smoking weed. I don't buy this at All. I Was in a clinic for psychosis and there were some teenagers who only smoked weed and developed schizophrenia Simplex. I think the suicide rate is pretty high with this condition.

Back to the question. I think I will cut off the contact to her. I think if she has interest she wants me as friend with benefits. The bigger issue for me is the anti-social friend
I have to admit I am a little bit scared about this guy. And I get the feeling she isn't a good human being. I could imagine if I suck in the bed she and her sociaopathic friend will make fun of me. I get the feeling she is a little bit evil. And I don't feel comfortable to make me so vulnerable in front of her.

 

[Alpacachino]

In my opinion, there's no point in any relationship, friendly or romantic, with any chronic drug users or alcoholics.

 

[MyLastTour]

I think it probably comes down to what your perspective is on drug use more broadly I guess. Personally, it really depends on the functional impact and consequences of their use rather than the substance itself. That being said, certain substances are generally going to be associated with more harm than good, and no safe use can really occur in black markets.

If you know what you're taking, how much you're taking, how it affects you, and are in a safe set and setting for it, you're doing it about as safely as you can. You'll pretty much never get those conditions in an unregulated black market though, so anything illicit is automatically risky for that alone, no matter how safe what you think you're taking is. Also. teens should definitely avoid drugs in general, god-forbid uninhibited access, and too much of anything is bad for you.

While I don't blame anyone for putting it in their exclusion criteria, it isn't in mine. People can cope and tolerate different levels of things to varying degrees, and a lot of what we give or do to help frankly isn't good enough. If someone wants to live but the only way they can do that is through cutting, drugs, what have you, it really isn't my place to judge or police. It is always my choice whether to include them in my life though, as it's always yours.

 

[The Blackangel]

I'm a former addict. I've done things that to this day I have no clue what it was. I did whatever I could get my hands on. The things I did to get drug money would have landed me in both rehab and likely prison too. Combine the time I was using and the time it took to get clean, and there's more than 4 years that I can't get back.

So don't go to hard on addicts. We usually start using because it's one of the easiest ways to deal with trauma. I started using after going through two traumatic events within a day and a half of each other. We don't keep using because we want to, but because we can't stop.

If it's a deal breaker, that's ok. Everyone has something that's a deal breaker for them. For example, I have always refused to date a girl who smokes. So just be honest, first with yourself and second with the other person.



As a side note, schizophrenia is something you're born with. Not something you can get from drugs. Trust me on this. Being schizophrenic is hell. I take a couple prescriptions to control it. And they're not 100% effective.

Also remember that psychopaths are born and sociopaths are made.

 

[Forever Sleep]

From what you've described, it would be the character traits of the people you mentioned that would disturb me more. The bullying/ unkind streak. That combined with heavy drug use would trouble me even more because people can be become more unpredictable on drugs. There was even a murder within a family near my parents with the person heavily intoxicated.

That said, I met a pretty cool guy that was in to all sorts once. But, he was more the peaceful, love everyone, hippie type. So long as they respected my boundaries that I didn't want to partake and, probably wouldn't want to be around them when they did, I think a friendship could be possible. People with different perspectives can be interesting. It's more the respect for others and other people's boundaries that I think is important.

Not sure how I'd feel about watching them destroy themselves slowly though- if the use was heavy or addictive.

 

[Bethlehem]

Nah. I'm a heavy psychedelic user/pills as well and most of my close friends are into dope and some of them abused like 10 drugs at a time. Oh well.

 

[Pluto]

 

[dhk96]

You're allowed to have your dealbreakers. Never feel bad about that because it's your relationship and future, at least in the dating period where no kids are involved. I think if something is really concerning you and you feel like your own safety is at risk, then now is the best time to decide if you want to leave--not if it's okay to leave for such and such of a reason.

I would never date anyone who drinks, smokes, or "does drugs," even casually, because of my idealistic naivety and views. They wouldn't want to date me either and that's fine.

 

[jazzcat621]

As someone who is dating a chronic drug user, I can tell you that while your worries are valid, some can be quite put together. Its certainly a different lifestyle, but its not rough if you keep an open mind. We are both very dedicated to each other in keeping each other safe.

For what you've said specifically with LSD, I find that LSD can have very therapeutic effects when used *correctly* (once a month at most). Its also worth noting that drug addiction is a mental illness, but moderation and harm reduction is also very possible. Remember, you dont have to join them too.

Im not trying to tell you that you should go for it, because there are some serious things to consider. She recently relapsed on something thats really bad for her and ended up pushing a close friend of mine away. You have to sometimes take an active role in helping her overcome addiction. Not everyone is cut out for that so I dont blame you. What im trying to say is have a bit more of an open mind if you really love her, but don't push yourself if you cant handle what comes with it

 

[Alpacachino]

I think addiction brings out the very worst in people. For that reason, I do not want any drug addict as a friend of partner.

I do have one friend who's suffering severe addiction who is the exception.I feel she's pretty harmless and doesn't really change her behavior on or off drugs.She's the same silly goose whether or not she's doing drugs

I myself abused alcohol at one point in time and I hate that time period in my life.
Integrity and decency go out the window in the throes of addiction.