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FatalSystemError591

FatalSystemError591

{He/They}
Oct 12, 2020
229
I've struggled with the thought of suicide for years but since my financial situation has gotten worse, suicide absolutely has been on my mind almost every day for the past few months.

I'm neither a greedy or materialistic person at all. I only want enough money to pay my monthly expenses and have some left over to save and buy the odd thing here and there. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs or gamble. I don't go out to eat either, don't own a vehicle, don't have any pets or dependents too. Money has been an issue for awhile now and, well, I'm getting down to the final few months before I completely run out of it for good (and go deep into debt).

I keep on wishing/hoping/fantasizing about getting $100,000 and paying off my bills and investing a bit in myself (to upgrade my education via courses and training) and saving the rest. Well, maybe getting a dog too, that's it though.

My parents have a sizeable estate and have pledged to leave it to myself and my sibling, 50/50. They aren't super-rich but have saved a lot over the years and made some wise real estate investments and other investments and are in a good place financially in their lives. No, I can't borrow money from them either, they've been very generous with me in the past, I can't keep going back to the well anymore with them, it's their money to enjoy.

Would my life be happier though? Would I stop thinking of suicide? Would I become a totally different person if I was able to get into a good place with money (not rich, just not struggling each month)?

Would money change things for you (in terms of suicide) if you had access to enough to get you in a better place?
If I had enough money to fix ALL of my medical issues (mental and physical) and to be able to live out the rest of my days with the basic necessities covered (housing, food, water, electricity) I wouldn't be. It all boils down to my disabilities and my trauma.
 
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O

old red eyes

Student
Aug 12, 2022
112
I want to die because life is meaningless. I've fucked hookers, done drugs, it's all empty and gets boring. hedonism is not the way, if you can bullshit your way into meaning, THAT is the way
so true.
 
makethepainstop

makethepainstop

Visionary
Sep 16, 2022
2,029
I've struggled with the thought of suicide for years but since my financial situation has gotten worse, suicide absolutely has been on my mind almost every day for the past few months.

I'm neither a greedy or materialistic person at all. I only want enough money to pay my monthly expenses and have some left over to save and buy the odd thing here and there. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs or gamble. I don't go out to eat either, don't own a vehicle, don't have any pets or dependents too. Money has been an issue for awhile now and, well, I'm getting down to the final few months before I completely run out of it for good (and go deep into debt).

I keep on wishing/hoping/fantasizing about getting $100,000 and paying off my bills and investing a bit in myself (to upgrade my education via courses and training) and saving the rest. Well, maybe getting a dog too, that's it though.

My parents have a sizeable estate and have pledged to leave it to myself and my sibling, 50/50. They aren't super-rich but have saved a lot over the years and made some wise real estate investments and other investments and are in a good place financially in their lives. No, I can't borrow money from them either, they've been very generous with me in the past, I can't keep going back to the well anymore with them, it's their money to enjoy.

Would my life be happier though? Would I stop thinking of suicide? Would I become a totally different person if I was able to get into a good place with money (not rich, just not struggling each month)?

Would money change things for you (in terms of suicide) if you had access to enough to get you in a better place?
It would depend on the amount of money!😋
 
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willitpass

willitpass

Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
Mar 10, 2020
3,219
while it would make my situation more tolerable, it wouldn't fix anything wrong with my head. yes, it would be nice to not be stressed about this major expense that popped up out of nowhere last night, but to be honest i no longer even care about whether or not i'll be able to afford it. i plan to be dead soon anyway. i've been depressed and suicidal since the age of 10, far before i knew about money. i knew we were poor but that didn't make me depressed at the time, and now as an adult being poor doesn't make me depressed either, although it definitely does not help.
 
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
12,143
It would definitely improve my situation enormously. The main cause of how unhappy I feel is that my current freelance job (which I work bloody hard at but ultimately enjoy overall) just isn't sustainable. The 'need' for money just to survive is likely to soon see me in some shit job I utterly detest (again). Honestly and truly- I'd MUCH rather be dead than do all that again. Money would at least buy me some time, so that I could continue to 'fail' at my creative 'career.' 😆. I'm laughing but crying on the inside.
 
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dead lightbulb

dead lightbulb

consciousness is a curse
Oct 8, 2022
52
If I came into some money I'd use it to go to a country that has legalized assisted suicide and kill myself.

Before that I would use the leftover money to help those in tough situations and try and alleviate any financial stress they have. I have nobody I would leave my money to, I'll give every penny before I go.
 
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A

AliceTheGoon

Specialist
Jul 1, 2022
399
$3 million would give me a joy I'd never even felt before, yet to you it is dross because of your lost love.
$3 billion wouldn't fix my health issues. $3 trillion wouldn't. The return of everyone I've ever loved wouldn't. My body is eating itself alive. If there was a thing in existence that could stop it besides ctb I'd get it or die trying.
 
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hungry_ghost

hungry_ghost

جهاد
Feb 21, 2022
516
$3 billion wouldn't fix my health issues. $3 trillion wouldn't. The return of everyone I've ever loved wouldn't. My body is eating itself alive. If there was a thing in existence that could stop it besides ctb I'd get it or die trying.
I know. Hence, why I added the disclaimer that my intention wasn't to be critical of your situation, but that I was just making an observation.

To some people money would mean everything, to others, mean means absolutely nothing.
 
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marcy2022

marcy2022

Student
Oct 19, 2022
151
Money! I would travel around a little bit maybe. See places I've never been to, try foods I've never got to try. My idea of being able to choose when/how you exit will remain the same.
I've tried and failed before and afterward I've decided to give it another try. Even then I fimrly held onto the idea that its okay to choose for a peaceful exit. And I'm back at it again.
To be absolutely honest, if I had enough money I might give it another try (even as I type this, I know I'll probably never find the peace I seek, just brrowed time) or I might choose for an easier, peaceful way to leave.
Money might buy some time but I know myself and I'll end up doing it someday. And with money the way to ctb might be a little bit easier, like N or legally assisted way.
 
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blackwidow

blackwidow

Road to nowhere
Aug 12, 2022
231
yes. for too many reasons to explain., but itl never happen I never have good luck ever..
 
MelancholyMagic

MelancholyMagic

For my next trick, I will disappear
Dec 12, 2021
221
No. If you are poor, you think that with money you will be happy, and in your ignorance dream of how life would be if you had as much money as you can spend.
If you are rich, you know that all money can buy is blasé and ennui.
 
BEATNGU

BEATNGU

Bone collector
Jun 15, 2022
57
I have been on my own and with employment since I was sixteen. I am currently twenty-nine. My income is roughly four grand a month. Aside from rent, I spend most of my money on food or things my bf likes. Even when I was homeless my suicidal thoughts were roughly the same. I guess it could vary from person to person but if you are a logician then my case should serve as enough proof that poverty is not always the source. I have met many that viewed death as the only escape from it but rarely were they ever depressed, just desperate. Very very desperate. Interpret this as you wish.
 
Maudlin

Maudlin

Specialist
Dec 10, 2021
355
I have access to money, just not enough to make a difference. There are procedures and treatments that would stop my pain, from what I understand.

If I had the money to do it, I would. It would still take some time for me to "bounce back" to my old self, but at least I could have the chance. Considering the current turmoil in the markets, the "Great Reset", and my complete lack of talent with the arts I doubt I'll ever get that chance.

Without the pain I'm actually a fairly happy guy. I had a sense of humor, and a generally positive outlook. Right now I am "getting by" financially, but the comforts I could once afford my loved ones are impossible for me, anymore.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. lol
No--I already possess money--Means less than nothing when your girlfriend of 35 years suddenly dies, no one to share it, or anything else, with anymore---My 80 yr old stepmother recently informed me that I'll inherit $3.5 million when she, my stepmother, dies--Could care less, because long term companionship is what's really priceless, going thru good times and bad times together, and when you lose that, nothing means anything anymore
With the comfort that the interest alone from $3.5 million could afford you and another special person, I doubt it would be hard to find a long term companion that would fit the bill.

Until this inflation gets completely off the chain, I'd bet you'd have a hard time finding "bad times" to go through together with someone, at all.

Of course, it wouldn't be the particular "special companion" you have in mind though, would it? That's the dilemma.
Considering one of the reason I'm suicidal is nihilism mindset, having money wouldn't change much. I would just buy some N and ctb
Might be a good idea to read up on some different philosophies. Changing your mind can be as easy as changing your underwear... unless it can't, I guess.
I want to die because life is meaningless. I've fucked hookers, done drugs, it's all empty and gets boring. hedonism is not the way, if you can bullshit your way into meaning, THAT is the way
Once you find that meaning, it's definitely not bullshit.

Wise words, freight_train.
 
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LONE WOLF.

LONE WOLF.

PUNISHER.
Nov 4, 2020
1,990
I would like to have just enough money to arrange the scattering of my ashes with the ashes of my two dogs at a remote dog park!
 
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Maudlin

Maudlin

Specialist
Dec 10, 2021
355
I would like to have just enough money to arrange the scattering of my ashes with the ashes of my two dogs at a remote dog park!
Have you considered CTB by self immolation on a windy day at the dog park?

That would make headlines.

The dogs likely wouldn't be too happy about it, though.
 
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LONE WOLF.

LONE WOLF.

PUNISHER.
Nov 4, 2020
1,990
Have you considered CTB by self immolation on a windy day at the dog park?

That would make headlines.

The dogs likely wouldn't be too happy about it, though.
@Maudlin Care to join me, l'm sure it would be a illuminating experience 🤓🔥💥
 
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Maudlin

Maudlin

Specialist
Dec 10, 2021
355
@Maudlin Care to join me, l'm sure it would be a illuminating experience 🤓🔥💥
Laughter is truly the best medicine!

but opiates are pretty good...

Thanks for the giggle!
 
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Wormfood

Wormfood

I like people... I said it
May 23, 2022
131
Money would make things significantly easier for me right now. Easier as in, I'll get far more freedom to choose my method of ctb, and also because I'll be able to do away with the guilt of leaving my family behind with nothing to show for all they've gone through for me.

But to answer your question, I'm a nihilist, anti natalist and God-hating(if God exists) person, so I would still ctb regardless
Nice to meet you. I'm those things as well.
 
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N

nifii

Aaaaaaaaaahhhh
Dec 19, 2021
60
Wouldn't change anything for me tbh. I just can't handle my health issues and mind and i'm just not open for a life in this screwed body
 
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nopride86

nopride86

Student
Mar 16, 2022
135
I know I said last time that money would not really have changed anything. I know in my soul it wouldn't have. But maladaptive daydreaming and disassociation got the best of me for the past week, regarding the powerball.

I wasn't delusional, I knew I wasn't going to win. I know it's a sick game for privileged assholes. But I enjoyed the possibility.

I envisioned the ability to quite literally run from my problems - new life and identity, getting really good medical attention, etc. And the most important part, paying off my family to get away from them.

And now it's just….done. And now I'm forced to not daydream anymore, and to face yet another issue that I caused due to disassociating. Money would not have stopped my desire to die, but it would have been a nice reprieve from feeling so heavy.
 
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Jupit3rs

Jupit3rs

"I'm finally going home... to the stars"
Feb 23, 2022
65
No, but having money would be nice! So i can kill myself with better tools lol
 
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WaveringLight

WaveringLight

pReTtY cOlOrS
Nov 7, 2022
85
Maybe I could give that money to my family and friends as I go, but as for me? No, money would not influence my decision at all, poor or rich. My reasons for CTB are developmental disorders that despite my efforts to work around them over the years. They have made life unsatisfactory and not able to thrive well.
 
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niiina

niiina

🌸
Aug 20, 2022
232
I'm sorry to sound too materialistic but the right amount of money would definitely keep me from ctb.
But in my case it would have to be something substantial, like being able to buy a house in a decent place, a vehicle, afford an university and travel once a while to not feel trapped here.
To many that's not that much, to others like me that's game changing.
Maybe I'd keep depressed and suicidal with it all but for now I feel this would definitely hold me back
 
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U

unlimited5722

Member
Nov 5, 2022
17
For me, it would extend my life by a little period to do things that I never could do. But the end would be the same, leaving this world. I'll give myself a year to see what I want, increasing my meds so I don't hurt too much. Before I go, I'll donate my money to people in need
 
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A

akirat9

エクトリアン
Sep 23, 2022
386
I just needed someone to believe in me, believe in us.
I am disgusted that money is even needed to for such. All I want to do is create jrpgs.
Making money from my games is not my focal point, it making it, and allowing others to experience it's worlds that matter to me.
 
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jodes2

jodes2

Hello people ❤️
Aug 28, 2022
7,736
Yes, money would change things for me until I'm old and frail. I want enough money for drugs and medical procedures. Right now I have to be careful with money. I can't just smoke as much weed as I want. Problem is, on my benefits, I'm not allowed to have more than about 5k in the bank. It's not enough.
 
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R

Regret

It’s over
Nov 9, 2022
44
I've struggled with the thought of suicide for years but since my financial situation has gotten worse, suicide absolutely has been on my mind almost every day for the past few months.

I'm neither a greedy or materialistic person at all. I only want enough money to pay my monthly expenses and have some left over to save and buy the odd thing here and there. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs or gamble. I don't go out to eat either, don't own a vehicle, don't have any pets or dependents too. Money has been an issue for awhile now and, well, I'm getting down to the final few months before I completely run out of it for good (and go deep into debt).

I keep on wishing/hoping/fantasizing about getting $100,000 and paying off my bills and investing a bit in myself (to upgrade my education via courses and training) and saving the rest. Well, maybe getting a dog too, that's it though.

My parents have a sizeable estate and have pledged to leave it to myself and my sibling, 50/50. They aren't super-rich but have saved a lot over the years and made some wise real estate investments and other investments and are in a good place financially in their lives. No, I can't borrow money from them either, they've been very generous with me in the past, I can't keep going back to the well anymore with them, it's their money to enjoy.

Would my life be happier though? Would I stop thinking of suicide? Would I become a totally different person if I was able to get into a good place with money (not rich, just not struggling each month)?

Would money change things for you (in terms of suicide) if you had access to enough to get you in a better place?
My friend was in your shoes very depressed etc. Her family found out— and her dad gave her what she was supposed to inherit within his life time to ensure she has support to know how to use it well. For instance he bought her an apartment in the expensive city we are from. I could never dream of living rent free— like she doesn't have to pay rent anymore!!! Do you know how much that could do for your mental health? You can finally get that dog I want — try some drugs and alcohol hehe cause you'd have the extra money. I do think you should try to talk to your parents about helping you while you and they are still alive. I think parents waiting to die to leave their kids stuff is bad timing because whose timing say the child won't squander it all because they didn't have the parental guidance of how to use the money?

Anyways — if you have an option of inheritance— I would discuss trying to access it because you need help and want to die because of financial reasons. Like they're are saving money for you— if you're not here they did it for nothing
 
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