Worried about my sister

[Parnate]

I have an elder sister, she is 4 years elder to me, i am 29 so she is 33, she has a nice husband.
Both of us are born to same parents. She won the genetic lottery. She is intelligent, wise, courageous,mature etc. She has been like my second mother, supporting me a lot.
I was planning to CTB within next 3 months, latest by December, as my ADHD isn't getting better despite using all available medicine in my country, nor is my depression getting better.
My sister is a career oriented person. Her current focus is to switch the company and get a good hike. Later, she will be planning for a baby.
I am worried that my CTB will derail all her plans as it will destroy her. Most importantly I am worried that if she is sad or grieving during pregnancy it might affect her baby negatively. Mental illnesses are hereditary on my mother's side of the family. My sister has no mental issues but I read somewhere that if a mother is sad or grieving during pregnancy then it is more likely that the baby might get depression or other mental issues in future.
I don't want her baby to go through what I am going through. But i don't want this pain anymore. I need peace, calm and rest.
If I don't CTB i will have to work to sustain myself and I can't do that properly. I have the worst performance in my team. Don't know what to do..

 

[dialogos]

If you believe that now isn't the best time, you're not under any pressure to.

 

[SleepyRobloxGrl]

You can always CTB in the future if you can't do it now. That is what brings me calm when I get overwhelmed. I just remember that it's there when I'm ready.

 

[Parnate]

You can always CTB in the future if you can't do it now. That is what brings me calm when I get overwhelmed. I just remember that it's there when I'm ready.

Yes but i am to join in another organisation where I have been offered a senior role with more salary. I resigned in my present company and serving notice period . Actually i faked my experience and got this new job. There will be more responsibilities and stress. I am scared.

 

[アホペンギン]

You aren't under any pressure to ctb so soon, as far as I know. I don't know what you should do in your situation, try to wait until all of her plans have been made and done and then you can choose when you will ctb. I'm glad you care about your sister as she cared about you and I'm glad that you're considering how she will feel as well as how you feel.

 

[Parnate]

You can always CTB in the future if you can't do it now. That is what brings me calm when I get overwhelmed. I just remember that it's there when I'm ready.

Actually I want to do it now, but I am worried about the effects it might have on her baby when she has one.

 

[dyingslowly]

I have an elder sister, she is 4 years elder to me, i am 29 so she is 33, she has a nice husband.
Both of us are born to same parents. She won the genetic lottery. She is intelligent, wise, courageous,mature etc. She has been like my second mother, supporting me a lot.
I was planning to CTB within next 3 months, latest by December, as my ADHD isn't getting better despite using all available medicine in my country, nor is my depression getting better.
My sister is a career oriented person. Her current focus is to switch the company and get a good hike. Later, she will be planning for a baby.
I am worried that my CTB will derail all her plans as it will destroy her. Most importantly I am worried that if she is sad or grieving during pregnancy it might affect her baby negatively. Mental illnesses are hereditary on my mother's side of the family. My sister has no mental issues but I read somewhere that if a mother is sad or grieving during pregnancy then it is more likely that the baby might get depression or other mental issues in future.
I don't want her baby to go through what I am going through. But i don't want this pain anymore. I need peace, calm and rest.
If I don't CTB i will have to work to sustain myself and I can't do that properly. I have the worst performance in my team. Don't know what to do..

If you want to kill yourself, then nothing should be there to stop you, yes you will leave people with pain and scars but the damage would be the same later when she will have a child or now. It might be worse later one as she will be almost overburdened with the kid, life, career. And not to mention that you have to work till you can CTB. I don't think her emotional pain will affect her baby, also baby due to genetics will have the issues no matter if you kill yourself or not. In my family, nobody has committed suicide but I am suicidal as hell.

 

[FuneralCry]

Sounds like a difficult situation to be trapped in but I guess that after all it's always a personal decision deciding what to do, none of us are obligated to continue existing here and grief and loss are inevitable as long as one exists. But anyway only you know what is best for your situation, good luck, to me it's really understandable just wanting peace from all the suffering existing brings.

 

[Parnate]

If you want to kill yourself, then nothing should be there to stop you, yes you will leave people with pain and scars but the damage would be the same later when she will have a child or now. It might be worse later one as she will be almost overburdened with the kid, life, career. And not to mention that you have to work till you can CTB. I don't think her emotional pain will affect her baby, also baby due to genetics will have the issues no matter if you kill yourself or not. In my family, nobody has committed suicide but I am suicidal as hell.

You aren't under any pressure to ctb so soon, as far as I know. I don't know what you should do in your situation, try to wait until all of her plans have been made and done and then you can choose when you will ctb. I'm glad you care about your sister as she cared about you and I'm glad that you're considering how she will feel as well as how you feel.

I resigned in my present organisation. Actually I have accepted a new job offer where I am being offered a senior position and also more salary. But i faked my experience. this job will have more responsibilities and stress . I don't think i ll be able to handle that. That is the reason I want to ctb , i mean that is the reason for doing right now. I have CTB on my mind since last 2 years .
My performance is worst in my team in my present organisation.

 

[アホペンギン]

I resigned in my present organisation. Actually I have accepted a new job offer where I am being offered a senior position and also more salary. But i faked my experience. this job will have more responsibilities and stress . I don't think i ll be able to handle that. That is the reason I want to ctb

Its alright, I will still respect you in everything that you decide to do, despite the reasoning for your choices. I send you my best regards.

 

[dialogos]

I resigned in my present organisation. Actually I have accepted a new job offer where I am being offered a senior position and also more salary. But i faked my experience. this job will have more responsibilities and stress . I don't think i ll be able to handle that. That is the reason I want to ctb , i mean that is the reason for doing right now. I have CTB on my mind since last 2 years .
My performance is worst in my team in my present organisation.

So its stress you're feeling. You're anxious at a good job because you feel you don't deserve it?
Let's be a little more light hearted OK?
So what if you're not performing well now?
You only have to wait till after your sis gives birth.
You still have time to stay there or get another job you can feel better at..
Your self worth and inner peace doesn't come from your job.
Even your sister will tell you that.
I'm glad you both love each other that much.
If you need to talk, come back.
I'll be gone a few days & since I can't bring this device to avoid discovery of this forum by my family
You can pm me and I'll respond when I can.

 

[Parnate]

So its stress you're feeling. You're anxious at a good job because you feel you don't deserve it?
Let's be a little more light hearted OK?
So what if you're not performing well now?
You only have to wait till after your sis gives birth.
You still have time to stay there or get another job you can feel better at..
Your self worth and inner peace doesn't come from your job.
Even your sister will tell you that.
I'm glad you both love each other that much.
If you need to talk, come back.
I'll be gone a few days & since I can't bring this device to avoid discovery of this forum by my family
You can pm me and I'll respond when I can.

No, actually i don't have a real experience of the many things that i mentioned in CV, besides I am trying to learn but can't. So when I will be given high level work I don't think i will be able to fulfill it .

 

[wagner2029]

I have an elder sister, she is 4 years elder to me, i am 29 so she is 33, she has a nice husband.
Both of us are born to same parents. She won the genetic lottery. She is intelligent, wise, courageous,mature etc. She has been like my second mother, supporting me a lot.
I was planning to CTB within next 3 months, latest by December, as my ADHD isn't getting better despite using all available medicine in my country, nor is my depression getting better.
My sister is a career oriented person. Her current focus is to switch the company and get a good hike. Later, she will be planning for a baby.
I am worried that my CTB will derail all her plans as it will destroy her. Most importantly I am worried that if she is sad or grieving during pregnancy it might affect her baby negatively. Mental illnesses are hereditary on my mother's side of the family. My sister has no mental issues but I read somewhere that if a mother is sad or grieving during pregnancy then it is more likely that the baby might get depression or other mental issues in future.
I don't want her baby to go through what I am going through. But i don't want this pain anymore. I need peace, calm and rest.
If I don't CTB i will have to work to sustain myself and I can't do that properly. I have the worst performance in my team. Don't know what to do..

Your situation is not so bad, you have a job, you left a job to get a better one, you have someone who cares about you.
If this new job doesn't work out you can go back to your old one, or get another one, you're pushing yourself too hard.
things are going well, postpone your ctb, you can do it anytime, no need to rush.

 

[dialogos]

No, actually i don't have a real experience of the many things that i mentioned in CV, besides I am trying to learn but can't. So when I will be given high level work I don't think i will be able to fulfill it .

Just like what wagner2029 said. Stay or get a new job, you have time. Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Forever Sleep]

What do you think would happen if you came clean with your new employer now? Was it completely fabricated achievements you put on your CV, or- did you just exagerate your skills?

Really- you're not going to know how you're going to perform in this new role until you try it. I do understand your concern. It's probably good for the employer that you are concerned- at least you care about doing a good job. Honestly though- while it could be a horrible, stressful and embarrassing experience- you won't be the first person to have bluffed their way into a job and then floundered in it.

Really though- they probably wouldn't have offered you the job if you had no skills or experience. Didn't they ask for references etc? Really- only you are going to know whether this is more to do with lack of confidence (which I completely ralate to) or- that you simply can't do this new job. Will you really know until you try it though?

With regards to your sister- it's lovely that you care about her and any possible future child so much. Still- as I understand it- she isn't pregnant now. So- the choice to become pregnant will be hers and her partners. It's up to them to decide whether her mental state at that point would harm her baby. It's natural that you don't want to upset her. I don't think any of us want to upset our loved ones. It's down to you though- whether you feel like you can hang on. Whether there is even a better time you think you could go. I wish you all the best- whatever you decide to do.

 

[Tulip<3]

I actually have a similar situation, my sister is pregnant too. I feel awful for even considering leaving her, we are really close. She already has a lot of stress and hasn't had an easy life but she is strong. We are best friends. If she died I would be crushed for the rest of my life. Does she feel the same about me? It's really tough.

For now I'm pretty sure I'm going to hang on, suicide is my back up plan. I understand the feeling of wanting to go right now, I have that too. But if you think you can hang on, it's worth trying to. Pm me if you want to talk

 

[Parnate]

What do you think would happen if you came clean with your new employer now? Was it completely fabricated achievements you put on your CV, or- did you just exagerate your skills?

Really- you're not going to know how you're going to perform in this new role until you try it. I do understand your concern. It's probably good for the employer that you are concerned- at least you care about doing a good job. Honestly though- while it could be a horrible, stressful and embarrassing experience- you won't be the first person to have bluffed their way into a job and then floundered in it.

Really though- they probably wouldn't have offered you the job if you had no skills or experience. Didn't they ask for references etc? Really- only you are going to know whether this is more to do with lack of confidence (which I completely ralate to) or- that you simply can't do this new job. Will you really know until you try it though?

With regards to your sister- it's lovely that you care about her and any possible future child so much. Still- as I understand it- she isn't pregnant now. So- the choice to become pregnant will be hers and her partners. It's up to them to decide whether her mental state at that point would harm her baby. It's natural that you don't want to upset her. I don't think any of us want to upset our loved ones. It's down to you though- whether you feel like you can hang on. Whether there is even a better time you think you could go. I wish you all the best- whatever you decide to do.

Actually the experience is completely fabricated. They asked me very basic things in the interview and trusted me for my word.

 

[Larysa]

Actually the experience is completely fabricated. They asked me very basic things in the interview and trusted me for my word.

So resign before you start and apply for jobs that are manageable for you?

 

[cosifantutti]

I have an elder sister, she is 4 years elder to me, i am 29 so she is 33, she has a nice husband.
Both of us are born to same parents. She won the genetic lottery. She is intelligent, wise, courageous,mature etc. She has been like my second mother, supporting me a lot.
I was planning to CTB within next 3 months, latest by December, as my ADHD isn't getting better despite using all available medicine in my country, nor is my depression getting better.
My sister is a career oriented person. Her current focus is to switch the company and get a good hike. Later, she will be planning for a baby.
I am worried that my CTB will derail all her plans as it will destroy her. Most importantly I am worried that if she is sad or grieving during pregnancy it might affect her baby negatively. Mental illnesses are hereditary on my mother's side of the family. My sister has no mental issues but I read somewhere that if a mother is sad or grieving during pregnancy then it is more likely that the baby might get depression or other mental issues in future.
I don't want her baby to go through what I am going through. But i don't want this pain anymore. I need peace, calm and rest.
If I don't CTB i will have to work to sustain myself and I can't do that properly. I have the worst performance in my team. Don't know what to do..

Given you don't want to go before your sister has the baby, I would say you'd be best resigning from this job. Depending on your financial situation you can apply for something else that is less stressful.

It does seem that it's the new job that's making you want to ctb right now. You only die once, make sure it's when you're ready for it and for the right reasons.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I'll bet your sister would go to great lengths to help u avoid ending your life if u opened up to her but I understand that u feel like u are already hopeless and nothing can be done to fix your situation. I do understand that sometimes there might be no way to fix things enough that u can see a good life ahead of u. I ended up barely getting by in life suffering from similar issues but I literately had no one to lean on for support as a young person. Now I'm 46 and in my case it really is too late to change my course too much. I missed out on the opportunities of my youth that set u up for an older age that is stable or secure enough. It might be the case that u have to do your life differently from the conventional route to be able to have any kind of decent life. This society is built for the most typical functioning person so if u deviate from that it is goin to require u to not try to mold yourself to it but instead try to find some middle ground u can tolerate. U might need to be self employed for example b/c u just can't fit into the typical work environment. I sure hope u decide to hold off, you're so young still.

 

[Parnate]

So resign before you start and apply for jobs that are manageable for you?

Actually, my family knows about this, i don't know what to tell them, how they will react.

 

[Larysa]

Actually, my family knows about this, i don't know what to tell them, how they will react.

You realised it isn't the right job for you? You are feeling stressed at the thought of it and don't want to make yourself ill? Nothing?

Can what your family think about your career choices really be worth considering suicide?

I do appreciate that isn't your only issue.

 

[wagner2029]

Actually, my family knows about this, i don't know what to tell them, how they will react.

just being concerned about doing a good job is half the battle.

 

[Parnate]

You realised it isn't the right job for you? You are feeling stressed at the thought of it and don't want to make yourself ill? Nothing?

Can what your family think about your career choices really be worth considering suicide?

I do appreciate that isn't your only issue.

Actually i don't want to disappoint then or upset them.
Also I am gay and I am uncomfortable about it. My parents have been insisting that i start looking for prospective brides to get married.
That is another reason for CTB as well.

 

[AshClouds]

Its like that with my sister.
I figured its better to go missing, so thats my plan. CTB somewhere far and remote and never be found.

 

[Parnate]

Its like that with my sister.
I figured its better to go missing, so thats my plan. CTB somewhere far and remote and never be found.

I was thinking about that, But it is very difficult to find a place in my country where I can disappear. There are few dense forests but i am afraid that my body will be found since these are heavily patrolled. Also these forests are far away so in case I am found then my family will have an additional hassle of going to that place and getting back my body in the time of such grief. .

 

[AshClouds]

Well fortunately for me I live in the contiguous US and there are plenty of poorly travelled woodlands. If everything goes right, I'll be at the bottom of a lake making the likelihood of discovery increasingly remote. I might even cross into Canada to CTB. I don't suppose crossing int'l borders would be an option? Europe definitely is more densely populated, and I guess the chance of being found is much greater.

 

[Parnate]

Well fortunately for me I live in the contiguous US and there are plenty of poorly travelled woodlands. If everything goes right, I'll be at the bottom of a lake making the likelihood of discovery increasingly remote. I might even cross into Canada to CTB. I don't suppose crossing int'l borders would be an option? Europe definitely is more densely populated, and I guess the chance of being found is much greater.

How r u planning to go to the bottom of a lake?? I would like to get some ideas as well.

 

[DaSh]

I'm in a very similar position and it drives me insane. Only difference is I'm 23 and my sister's 20. My brother's elder then me. Nonetheless it's still so hard to make a decision. Offtopic a friend of a friend died like 3 days ago from an overdose. He stopped drinking because of me. Now he's on the flask again. Now I hesitate even more because of his sadness. Anyways it's not only my sister or brother although I got the strongest bond to them. It's just all the people you love and leave behind...that's the worst part for me...