world alienation

[nayomi]

From the conversation with the psychologist today, it came up that from around age 10 to 15, I slowly experienced social rejection because of interests that were different between me and other people my age, which caused social anxiety—gender dysphoria probably contributed to this.

And this caused me to feel a sense of alienation from the world. Alienation, overall, is a good trait when looking at tribal societies; if they don't want you in the tribe, you should run away to another tribe to increase your chances of survival. The problem is that here there isn't really anywhere to run, there is no other tribe, and the alienation turns itself into your entire world.

Often when something comes up, I ask it, "Why do you exist?" The answer is always to protect me and make me feel good, and then I have a dialogue to see if it's really helping me, and usually it disappears. Here, alienation actually thinks it's protecting me because the whole world is alienated , and it has a good solution of suicide. It's not really clear to it how it isn't protecting me, because it genuinely helps me escape to a safe place and not deal with all the nonsense and headache of life.

I don't have a desire to accept life itself; I prefer the good parts of it, but even those I don't always feel like accepting. It's as if everything is alien to me in this world.On the other hand, all my headaches in life are because of this sense of alienation, so it also skews my worldview while I'm thinking about it.

Maybe I do want to connect to the world despite all the difficulties? Maybe they don't matter that much to me?Why is alienation better than connecting to the world?

It feels to me like it's more a matter of readiness, or maybe a bit of thought...

 

[lastappleonearth]

From the conversation with the psychologist today, it came up that from around age 10 to 15, I slowly experienced social rejection because of interests that were different between me and other people my age, which caused social anxiety—gender dysphoria probably contributed to this.

And this caused me to feel a sense of alienation from the world. Alienation, overall, is a good trait when looking at tribal societies; if they don't want you in the tribe, you should run away to another tribe to increase your chances of survival. The problem is that here there isn't really anywhere to run, there is no other tribe, and the alienation turns itself into your entire world.

Often when something comes up, I ask it, "Why do you exist?" The answer is always to protect me and make me feel good, and then I have a dialogue to see if it's really helping me, and usually it disappears. Here, alienation actually thinks it's protecting me because the whole world is alienated , and it has a good solution of suicide. It's not really clear to it how it isn't protecting me, because it genuinely helps me escape to a safe place and not deal with all the nonsense and headache of life.

I don't have a desire to accept life itself; I prefer the good parts of it, but even those I don't always feel like accepting. It's as if everything is alien to me in this world.On the other hand, all my headaches in life are because of this sense of alienation, so it also skews my worldview while I'm thinking about it.

Maybe I do want to connect to the world despite all the difficulties? Maybe they don't matter that much to me?Why is alienation better than connecting to the world?

It feels to me like it's more a matter of readiness, or maybe a bit of thought...

Thats really interesting, I feel kind of similar in a way

 

[Cloud Busting]

Wow this is fascinating. I also felt a sense of alienation, but in a different way. Basically, growing up, I wanted to be liked, accepted, admired, and popular. Uh well it didn't work, and my home life was a complete mess. So I felt isolated, remote, alone, as if I were from a different planet. As if I were somewhere else. Completely dissociated from reality- a soulless mass of organs trapped in a flesh suit. The institutions and authorities that were meant to protect me betrayed me and turned on me. The innocence and naivety was shattered. Life was an illusion. And my dignity, my integrity, my respect, my agency? Lies and exploitation and manipulation had stolen all of that from me. I was nothing but a shell. I only wore costumes. I had no identity. I trusted no one and I was not to be trusted by the authorities that exploited me. Great justification for further abuse.

For me, I personally need social connection to engage with the world. And if you can't engage with the world, why exist? My self esteem was so shattered I no longer felt comfortable putting myself out there like I used to. Gaurd always up. You best protect your neck.

I don't see the tribal strategy as vital long tern. Sounds like a short life span recipe. Getting betrayed over and over again by the tribe and having to flee and find another is too much work. I wanna enjoy life and hsce fun you know?

My alienation made feel empty and being restricted from living in the world and interacting with it just… made me go mad. And it stalled my progress due to missed opportunities. It stunted my creativity and growth. And I'll never make up for the experiences i lost due to trauma… I longed for adventure and became chronically online instead because I was too afraid to experience anything cuz I'd just feel alienated. I belonged nowhere. Horrible.

So intersting how our perspectives are so different