The point here is that it tells me the metrics being brought up would be some that would potentially rule out good people and we do not want that. It isn't very conducive to the ultimate goal.
I note the use of unity rhetoric to persuade.
The ultimate goals are self-determination and mutual personal safety. That is, unless one doesn't want the other party to be safe.
Now, with all that said, what we need here are reasonable ideas, not paranoia or judgment, to help support and protect everyone that uses the partner megathread.
Again I observe unity rhetoric to persuade, which is repeated throughout the entire comment.
And planting self-doubt with subtly shaming accusations unreasonableness, paranoia, and incorrect judgment.
I've been noticing your posts for the past few weeks, and there is a disturbing trend. Quite frankly, your entire comment here was creepy, and it relates to the trend I'll illustrate and then summarize below. I can imagine so many ways in which you would manipulate someone, such as working in tandem with a perpetrator to convince a potential victim that he's actually a good guy, those weren't red flags at all. Or to convince a potential victim that you don't raise red flags, either, you are in fact very rational and helpful.
The trend I've noticed over the past few weeks is that when someone posts about having been victimized, you become an apologist/explainer/defender for the perpetrator in order to validate the perp and the offensive behaviors, and to cause the member to doubt themselves and their own interpretation of what they experienced. Your arguments are often quite eloquent, and posed with much ostensible rationality.
Most recently, you explained/defended the bullies to a member who posted about having been being bullied in an online military forum:
High risk jobs tend to pull in certain personality traits which can have certain levels of toxicity in them. It takes very unique people to fit in and fill these roles effectively or it will be a highly miserable experience. Some people join the military or try to become a cop to make a change, but a good percentage of them want to get into the action. You can argue which type of person is better. Ultimately these "negative" traits of some are often needed to efficiently take care of business in extreme situations like war. I wouldn't want hippies defending my country. Overall, there is going to be a certain level of ugliness in jobs like the military.
and
Very strange behavior to open a separate thread like that when they could had used the existing one. To have two threads going with different attitudes in each... Very mind boggling.
I know both black men and women who have served in the military, in the US, and they didn't have anything substantial to say concerning racism. I believe most of it, regardless of race or sex, was proving yourself trustworthy and reliable. They want to know that when the shit gets tough they can count on you. They want to know someone has their back. Same with other high risk jobs like being a cop. If you show weakness they will shit on you hard and try to drive you away because they will then consider you a threat to their life.
Now with that said, there is absolutely never a good excuse to bully someone. I prefer productive conversation. This does partly show you a problem in these different fields and why there needs to be some changes. A lot of people in the military, or in the police force and similar, lack the freedom to seek help, without judgment, when often they need it.
To a member whose abusive mother was illegally throwing him/her out of the house, you subtly defended and reinforced the abuser's power by advising the member to placate and not fight back, ostensibly to buy time, which of course seems reasonable. But it wasn't even advising, such as, "I suggest," which would have been reasonable, but
telling the member what to do, in the very first sentence:
I know it isn't easy, but do your best to muster up the energy to do a couple minor things that you know she wants. I don't know enough about you two but some potential examples are, to try and eat just a little bit, organize your room a little, take a shower/bath, or do something in the kitchen. Do your best not to be combative when she engages you. Just try to do something to give her the impression you are trying or want to work with her. Perhaps, this will calm things down and give you time to think and plan.
All the while we will be here to provide you with support.
In this response to a member who was abused by law enforcement, you made some excellent and accurate observations, but at the same time subtly negated that the OP experienced abuse or that those who abused her were abusive to her, and are in fact themselves victims:
Over time, I have talked to various officers, from the local police, parole officers, correctional officers and so on. The one thing that was common between most of them is that they all were different people now than they were when they first started their jobs. Their jobs changed them.
This is a complex topic and it would take a large conversation to responsibly be had but keep the following in mind.
They spend their day having people yell at them and disrespect them, while they are forced to do their best to smile and keep their composure. They can't walk away or avoid conflict but are constantly drawn into it. Then they have to deal with nonstop lies, deception, being constantly mislead and being resisted. Your day is full of people wasting your time and complicating your job. Their lives are often at risk. Very few truly know what it is like fearing death, much less justifiably so. They get to see lovely scenes of splatter brains, dismembered body parts, dead children and all sorts of horrors. They simply see the absolute worse in humanity while everyone assumes the worst in them.
It is a completely shitty job with very little reward. If that wasn't enough the media reports things in a slanted way that not only misleads the public but gives them a highly inaccurate image of the police as a whole, which creates hate all around for us all to enjoy. Ratings and profit are far more important than lives and the truth. That is another topic but an important one.
No, I am not trying to justify any of their negative actions, I am only trying to give insight as to the possibilities of the why. There is much that is needed to be done here to improve things all around for them and us. This isn't a simple topic but an important one. What I have said concerning it is in great brevity.
Of course, there are the caveats that you are not defending, justifying, etc., but everything you say indicates that you in fact did. It's similar to the preemptive statement, "I'm not a racist, but..." In the examples I listed above, the statement generally comes after: "I didn't do what you just saw me do." The caveats are then followed by your personal preference, which shifts the focus to how your preferences are beneficial and desirable, and therefore invite trust.
I don't expect you to agree with me. I don't expect you to say, "Oh my gosh,
@GoodPersonEffed! I didn't notice that I do this!" My goal in this comment is to point out to others the behaviors of wolves in sheep's clothing in a thread about protecting against those very behaviors.
If someone's actions feel uncomfortable, negating, creepy, etc., then I respectfully suggest listening to those feelings, not what the other person tells you that feel, experience, or should feel. I respectfully suggest that you pay attention to what you observe and your responses to those observations, not to what the other person tells you to observe, or explains for you, as if you do not have the ability to interpret your responses for yourself. And if you notice someone is trying to convince you, I respectfully suggest you not focus on how reasonable the argument is, but ask yourself why they're trying to convince you. Is this someone who is supportive of your safety and best interests, or does it seem like there's a hidden agenda, like a wolf in sheep's clothing, acting as if s/he is just like you and on your side (such as unity rhetoric). Why does someone who's on your side feel a need to sell you anything?
