I wish I could change your circumstances, I wish I were a billionaire and could change the circumstances for everyone on SS, but I can't.
All I can do is to tell you how sorry I am that you're in so much pain.
I don't think the general population understands what desolate, painful feeling it is to look back on the days when you weren't suicidal, the days when you were younger, healthier and wish to God that you knew then what you know now.
I can only offer you my sincere support and genuine understanding and, again, express how sorry I am that you are in the place that you are in.
I feel like my depression is cured when I'm dreaming. I feel like what a normal person is suppose to feel like when I'm dreaming: I do things like play games or talk to people or cook or whatever and I get excited about the games and I enjoy talking to people and I feel a genuine connections to these people and life just generally feels good.
One of my most common morning experiences is the shock of all that happiness and normalcy that I had as a child being stripped away and realizing that I'm going to have to live another pointless day. I'm pretty sure that happiness is just what your average person feels when they aren't plagued with mental illness.
Wish we could roommates CoolGuy9. At least we could count on the support of one person who knows where the other person is coming from.
Mornings are horrible. Mornings are the worst. Personally, I cannot take sunlight. It's one of my many triggers and I've read that this is a symptom of clinical depression.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I truly am. I can understand where you're coming from. I wish I could cure it but all I can do is to offer my support and understanding.