Venting Wish no one loved me

[hopeless08]

I know a lot of people want to ctb because they feel no one loves them, I can't say I know what that feels like but I'm sure it must be so painful for them and must feel so alone. I feel for them.
My family loves me so much, too much maybe but I find myself constantly wishing that no one loved me or that I didn't have a family that way I would not cause them the agonizing torture and a world of pain if I ctb. It would be so much easier for me to ctb. This is the one reason that holds me back but I can't stand my pain any longer. I wish I could just not feel any emotion in the moment of ctbing as that is the only way I could do it.

 

[xoirse]

i relate to this a lot. i hate the fact that i am privilege enough to have people who love me but at the same time, it's these people who make me feel so much pressure in life. i am currently having the conflict of wanting to ctb because of them or not doing it because i love them way too much to make them suffer the consequences just because i am being "selfish" with this decision. they have done a lot for me and i really appreciate it but nothing really works at this point when all you feel inside is nothing at all but the complete bleak of sadness.

 

[Redleaf1992]

I feel you. I'm lucky to have a loving family, and my parents seem to be doing really well atm. The idea of putting my sucide on them breaks me apart.

 

[doggiesarecute]

I know a lot of people want to ctb because they feel no one loves them, I can't say I know what that feels like but I'm sure it must be so painful for them and must feel so alone. I feel for them.
My family loves me so much, too much maybe but I find myself constantly wishing that no one loved me or that I didn't have a family that way I would not cause them the agonizing torture and a world of pain if I ctb. It would be so much easier for me to ctb. This is the one reason that holds me back but I can't stand my pain any longer. I wish I could just not feel any emotion in the moment of ctbing as that is the only way I could do it.

I feel the same. I often wonder if it would be easier if they didn't love/i had some depressive disorder

 

[Meteora]

It is definitly not easier if you have nobody.... I can say that because I have no family that cares, nobody who would be very desperate to lose me. And no, that doesnt make it easier. If anything, a lot more difficult.

 

[hopeless08]

It is definitly not easier if you have nobody.... I can say that because I have no family that cares, nobody who would be very desperate to lose me. And no, that doesnt make it easier. If anything, a lot more difficult.

I'm sorry it's so difficult and that you feel so alone. Like I said I can't know what that feels like but for sure there are many people that care about you on here

 

[updatedmind]

i constantly oscillate between feeling like i cant do it to them and feeling like theyre just better off, it's like you need to choose a switch to be ruthless and do what you want, or let your empathy take control

 

[tronix]

I don't think about my friends. Maybe it's selfish but suicide is about me, not about them. For sure it would bring them pain and it's not something I want for them. But does this mean I should live? And suffer?
One day they will forget anyway. I don't think there's more people who care about me enough to give a f that I'm no longer here.

I'm not on good terms with my family. The way my mother loves me is pretty abusive (so I wouldn't call that love...).

But I get it that some of you may feel really bad because of the loved ones. That must be difficult.
For me, being unloved is one of the reasons for considering ctb.

 

[hopeless08]

I feel the same way sometimes I think to myself and I feel pressure because although my mom and siblings don't know the extent of my pain, I mean they don't know I'm suicidal, except for my older sister but she's on the same boat,
They know I'm in a bad depression and they have to watch me this way it breaks my moms heart who is 80 and I try with every ounce of energy within me to put on a smile for her, which is so unbelievably hard, but she knows im depressed. I know it hurts her very much and I feel so guilty for that but I can't help it. At other times I see her getting frustrated with me and telling me to get out of bed, go see my psychiatrist and enough with this depression, it's not coming from a bad place because I know she doesn't realize the extent to which I hurt so I feel a lot of pressure that I need to get better for her and I know that's never going to happen so ctbing is the only thing I think about. But as much as we think that they'd be better off without us, deep inside im sure you know as much as I do that they won't be better off. Im sorry I don't want to make you feel bad but it's a very sad reality.
That's why I say that I wish they didn't love me. We have good hearts and as much as we're suffering, we don't want them to go through the same.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I know a lot of people want to ctb because they feel no one loves them, I can't say I know what that feels like but I'm sure it must be so painful for them and must feel so alone. I feel for them.
My family loves me so much, too much maybe but I find myself constantly wishing that no one loved me or that I didn't have a family that way I would not cause them the agonizing torture and a world of pain if I ctb. It would be so much easier for me to ctb. This is the one reason that holds me back but I can't stand my pain any longer. I wish I could just not feel any emotion in the moment of ctbing as that is the only way I could do it.

It's conflicting - yes they are helping me in a place to stay state of way however the things they've done and said in the past doesn't change the fact that they did some not so great things. The worst thing they did is give me cancer and depression through genetics (I found later about depression when my dad said "life is shit") if it's shit why did you have children? So we can experience the shit with you? Baffling logic. Yeah testicular cancer is genetic. Didn't do any fast life strategy stuff like drinking, drugs, etc. never liked it and it's not for me.

Mainly my dog. She spends a lot of time with me.