I know a lot of people want to ctb because they feel no one loves them, I can't say I know what that feels like but I'm sure it must be so painful for them and must feel so alone. I feel for them.
My family loves me so much, too much maybe but I find myself constantly wishing that no one loved me or that I didn't have a family that way I would not cause them the agonizing torture and a world of pain if I ctb. It would be so much easier for me to ctb. This is the one reason that holds me back but I can't stand my pain any longer. I wish I could just not feel any emotion in the moment of ctbing as that is the only way I could do it.
My family loves me so much, too much maybe but I find myself constantly wishing that no one loved me or that I didn't have a family that way I would not cause them the agonizing torture and a world of pain if I ctb. It would be so much easier for me to ctb. This is the one reason that holds me back but I can't stand my pain any longer. I wish I could just not feel any emotion in the moment of ctbing as that is the only way I could do it.
