Discussion wish i could extract my survival instinct + stomp it to hell

[ghostofapoet]

after every attempt where i'd survive, or my si would take over and i couldn't follow through, my ex would ask me 'do you ever question what's keeping you alive through all your attempts?' heavily alluding to some form of divine intervention saving me to complete my life's purpose... but that's a story for another day.

the thing that's keeping me alive most of the times is my si. i was thinking about how difficult it is to die, and how genuinely remarkable it is when someone actually does pass on because fuck - it's really tough when you're actively looking for ways to do simply exit life.

i wish i could just rip my survival instinct out from within me and burn it to ash before jumping from the roof of a building with no remnant of hesitation at all - but that's not physically possible.
i wonder if that's why impulsive attempts seem to go relatively smoothly because you have less time to react + process, probably.

a fucking nuisance of evolution, honestly.

 

[MusicEnjoyer:D]

I feel you.

Recently I had the idea of jumping off a building, thinking it would be easy. But as soon as i got close to the edge, the SI came in full force. I couldn´t move my body, and started to get dizzy until I backed out. Then I realized commiting to ctb would be way harder than I realized.

I just got into SS, and hope the info I find here and the people I meet will give me the strength to make the big decision.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is like the survival instinct exists just to prolong suffering and keep us cruelly trapped here in this hellish world, it's so horrible how it's this difficult to die, existing here really is such a cruel punishment to me, I so envy and admire those who managed to succeed with methods like jumping, that method terrifies me.

 

[HerculePoirot]

My feeling is that survival instinct is useful, including for legitimately suicidal people, because it tells the truth: if it prevents you from destroying yourself, it's because there is, somewhere in the deepest of your brain, a good reason to not do it.
Only if and when your need of death is stronger than your survival instinct, the fatal deed will be as natural as falling asleep: then you'll be able to do the deed without fear and without hesitation.

 

[iLikeFrogs]

I wish I could turn it off sometimes. I tried to ctb by jumping from my apartment window and then my SI kicked in and I was just completely frozen, kinda like in a trans where I couldn't commit nor get back inside until my dog started meowing (?? I have no idea how to call it differently)

 

[SilentSadness]

I wish I could free myself from survival instinct, I would most definitely succeed in dying in that case. I have no desire to live, and the only thing keeping me alive is the difficulty to die. I hate the way I'm trapped here.

 

[gotomrg]

same here, it's exhausting, honestly. chickened out once, too scared to even try again. what a joke.