I'm not saying I don't want to handle CTBing myself. I certainly can and chances are I certainly will. But so desperately I wish I would die in an accident. It seems I'm always at the right place at the wrong time. Recently there was an accident on a freeway I travel on often, a guy on drugs was driving outrageously fast and killed a woman on her way to work. That accident happened two days after I was driving down it around that same time.
Or like, idk, I know it sounds grotesque but a mugging or something. Or a random event where I get shot or stabbed and left to die.
I say this primarily because I feel like it would bring more peace to the people I love if I died in an accident as opposed to suicide. Accidents happen far too often to people who have so much ahead of them. And yet here I am, desperate to die, and nothing.
This makes it sound like I'm lazy and don't wanna CTB myself. Untrue. Failed more times than I could count, so it's not for a lack of trying. I just know it would bring more closure for my family if it were this way.