EyeBeyond
Beyond Galaxy
- Dec 3, 2023
- 70
well, It's fuckying 2024. I did not expect to be alive until this point, I remeber saying to everyone that december or january I would kill myself but here I am, I don't know if I can keep this going on, my life is doing ok, I'm back in a health routine, talking with my shrink, and everything is just going well, this year I'll be back to work and start university, I'm not very motivated to do it, but I think thats a good oportunity for myself, spent some months at home doing nothing and wishing to die, but if keep this going on I'll only make my suffering even bigger, not gonna lie, spend time doing nothing active in your life, makes u feel miserable and weak, I couldnt do it again, so I'm back to my routine to avoid that shit even though it's very annoying work and university, maybe that will be a good experience to meet new people and be stronger this time, so I'm going to the gym, riding my bike everyday, doing health stuff feeling better, also started meditation, and now im about to work and study, hope I can find a good method to start enjoying this 2 things, and hopefully I wont procrastinate anymore and will got some good results, just sharing a bit with u guys. My 2024 has started very well, the thing is that 2022 and 2021 I also did the same shit, and it was alright in the beginning, it gets worse from the halth of the year to the end, its pattern that has been happening for 2 fuckying years in my life, i do not endure this shit anymore, if cant overcome it, I'll probably gonna kill myself from this shit world. I also met a girl, it's not like a normal one, she's a slut, met her in a hotel where I would kill myself, we talk for hours and then we develop some feelings for each other, it's been 2 months since we met, and to be honest I don't expect that it will work out, yes, because she's a slut, and she had several mental problens with depression and suicidal shit, because she became a mother when she was only 15, so you can imagine how would be to have a relationship with this person, I'm not judging her because of her life, I'm also not perfect, but it would be a very bad idea for both parts, in the beginning it was awesome to meet a girl and talk shit about how bad it is to live in this world, we both share the same idealization about suicide. I have gone for a trip which was really important for my recovery, it helped a lot, I stayed in a really good place on the woods, no technology, smart phones or computers, only nature and animals, anyway back to the city, I was very anxious to meet this girl again, and then things were not like before, we had a discussion, she treated me really bad for no reason, I had just did a surprise for her, met her without letting her now, and she treated me bad because I didnt wait until she invited me for a date, as I said I was really anxious for it and didnt wait, apparently she was in her menstrual cycle, that was the reason why she treated me badly, even though I didnt know and that was enough for me to talk about it with her. We're not talking with each other anymore and we gave some time to this realationship, I realised that the feelings I had for her was something short, not something deep, and as I said there many reasons to not keep this realationship going on, she's still too young, she's only 19 and I do not think she's mature enough for it.
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