I think that I will soon. I honestly want to kill myself right now but I won't risk it because I'm rational enough to understand the risks of the suicide attempt that I have to do (i.e. drowning). In the future, however, I will probably lose that rationality due to how difficult life would be and I'd just "impulsively" try to kill myself. I am not alive right now because I love life; I actually hate life with all of my passion. I'm only alive right now because I realise the consequences of me failing a single attempt