Will you be suicidal no matter what?

[WornOutLife]

"Will you be suicidal no matter what happens to you?"

I've been asking myself this question quite frequently these days.

For instance, my economic situation has improved a lot because I'm really working hard. I'm even able to save money and once the pandemic is over I might be able to visit other countries (Japan would be my dream) or buy a super duper gaming pc.

However, money is not enough. It really helps because you can buy lots of cool stuff but still, not what I really want.

Love? Sure. It would be nice to have someone for hugging, kissing and cuddling! (especially now that it's almost winter in Argentina lol)
Still, I've loved more than once and I was still suicidal so, that won't prevent me from ctb.

Family? I have a mother who is a monster due to her schizophrenia but my dad is the best human I've ever met. In spite of that, I'm suicidal so, a good family won't be enough. I also have the best dog in the world, well, at least he's the best for me haha. You gotta meet him! Tomi is really cool!


Thus, I think I will always be suicidal. I just find life pointless because I can't comprehend why we are born if we're gonna die. Why exist? Why is there something rather than nothing? I want answers and only get more questions.

What about you? Will you always be suicidal?

 

[motel rooms]

No. Suicide will cure me of suicidality

 

[WornOutLife]

No. Suicide will cure me of suicidality

So, as long as you're alive you'll be suicidal.
I see. Same here.

 

[signifying nothing]

I feel like it's so deeply rooted that it is a part of who I am, like a personality trait.

 

[Beachedwhale]

I have no idea, because neither have I ever been 'happy' nor have I ever accomplished anything I had wanted to.

 

[LoupDeFeu]

"Will you be suicidal no matter what happens to you?"

I've been asking myself this question quite frequently these days.

For instance, my economic situation has improved a lot because I'm really working hard. I'm even able to save money and once the pandemic is over I might be able to visit other countries (Japan would be my dream) or buy a super duper gaming pc.

However, money is not enough. It really helps because you can buy lots of cool stuff but still, not what I really want.

Love? Sure. It would be nice to have someone for hugging, kissing and cuddling! (especially now that it's almost winter in Argentina lol)
Still, I've loved more than once and I was still suicidal so, that won't prevent me from ctb.

Family? I have a mother who is a monster due to her schizophrenia but my dad is the best human I've ever met. In spite of that, I'm suicidal so, a good family won't be enough. I also have the best dog in the world, well, at least he's the best for me haha. You gotta meet him! Tomi is really cool!


Thus, I think I will always be suicidal. I just find life pointless because I can't comprehend why we are born if we're gonna die. Why exist? Why is there something rather than nothing? I want answers and only get more questions.

What about you? Will you always be suicidal?

Have you ever tried hallucinogenics like ketamine? It doesn't last but I microdosed under medical supervision and it made me feel that there is a reason we exist. It felt both simple and complex, but the ketamine made me feel very small and at the same time, like I was a part of loving universe. I think someone else described it like... living creatures are the way that the universe experiences its own consciousness.

Sounds like hippie or stoner nonsense but it feels right when you're on that stuff. I never felt so at peace as when I was doing my ketamine sessions.

The down side is that the effect does not last. But if I could do ketamine regularly for life.. I do not think I would ctb. It's just relatively expensive to do long-term.

I feel like it's so deeply rooted that it is a part of who I am, like a personality trait.

My therapist would say "you are not your depression/suicidal ideation" if I said that. ;)

 

[Help_Me]

This suicidal thing is always within me whenever i am happy or not. Same for me, guys. Money is a joke. I had a job and sure was able to buy some cool stuff, but i literally felt nothing. Moreover, my suicide thoughts were stronger than ever. Actually, fun fact : i joined this forum in 2018 few days after i got my job)))) Love.. it's hard to find true love nowadays, which will probably help you a bit, but like i said those thoughs are some kind of part of me, they just can't go away.

 

[ClownMe]

Sadly, i think i will always be suicidal as long as i am alive. No amount of money or love could save me, I simply hate the world.

 

[WornOutLife]

Have you ever tried hallucinogenics like ketamine?

I had DMT once and it was amazing!
I met some aliens who explained to me the true meaning of life and this universe. I remember I cried but not because I was sad, they were tears of happiness!!
Unfortunately, I don't remember what they told me.

If I happen to find the peruvian guy who gave that DMT, I will certainly have it again lol.

Thanks for the suggestion!!

Sadly, i think i will always be suicidal as long as i am alive. No amount of money or love could save me, I simply hate the world.

This is exactly what's happening to me!
Happiness? Sure, we can experience a glimpse of happiness from time to time but life is 90% suffering for me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Nah, all I need is a near-perfect girlfriend/wife/soulmate then I won't be suicidal anymore. I actually got very close to achieving this too.

...except now that she's gone from my life I realize I'll never actually be able to achieve this in this timeline. It was at most a 1 in 14,000,605 chance anyway so this current existence is just one of the 14,000,604 possibilities. I don't see any chance of it happening again no matter what misconceptions people may have about me underestimating myself.

 

[WornOutLife]

Nah, all I need is a near-perfect girlfriend/wife/soulmate then I won't be suicidal anymore. I actually got very close to achieving this too.

...except now that she's gone from my life I realize I'll never actually be able to achieve this in this timeline. It was at most a 1 in 14,000,605 chance anyway so this current existence is just one of the 14,000,604 possibilities. I don't see any chance of it happening again no matter what misconceptions people may have about me underestimating myself.

Aww that's really cute!
I hope you can find love!
I think you're in your 20s right? You have plenty of time. Just try to keep on meeting girls because unfortunately, no one will knock our doors saying they love us without us doing anything before lol.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Aww that's really cute!
I hope you can find love!
I think you're in your 20s right? You have plenty of time. Just try to keep on meeting girls because unfortunately, no one will knock our doors saying they love us without us doing anything before lol.

I'm late 20s. Ergo too late. No girl who isn't stupid or naive should want to get with someone who hasn't even been in a relationship at this point because it's a genuine red flag. Even besides that, getting involved with me is probably the worst thing I can do to someone.

 

[motel rooms]

So, as long as you're alive you'll be suicidal.

I've learned to embrace it.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm late 20s. Ergo too late. No girl who isn't stupid or naive should want to get with someone who hasn't even been in a relationship at this point because it's a genuine red flag. Even besides that, getting involved with me is probably the worst thing I can do to someone.

I see! I hope someone shows up somehow.
I'm in a similar situation to you, btw.

I don't think any girls would want to date me and being 33 sucks haha.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Once you realize that suicide is an option there is no turning back.

 

[motel rooms]

Once you realize that suicide is an option there is no turning back.

Once you go that black, you never go back

 

[signifying nothing]

My therapist would say "you are not your depression/suicidal ideation" if I said that. ;)

My reply would be that I don't let it define me, but at the same time I'm not willing (or able) to deny or ignore it and somehow just get on with my life as if everything is fine. And besides I have other issues too... etc, etc...

 

[wanttodie]

yes i well

 

[Empty gas can]

I guess it depends on what you're going through and the resources you have to deal with it. There's no single, catch all answer for that question. Ultimately, ctb is a choice, whatever you're going through: "Do I want to deal with this or checkout?". Here's a couple of common reasons to ctb and the "prognosis" (mostly based on my opinion).

Some people tend to buy into the illusion of permanence about their issues and that's a very hard mindset to change or allow you to recover, but it's one of those things you have power over. That kind of mindset can keep you stuck until you realize that maybe solutions exist, even if you can't see them.

Second most common cause are chronic, heavy mental health issues. When untreated, which is often the case given the relatively low success rate of therapy and meds, depending on the specific issue. Over time, they really can get out of hand. The deeper you get, the harder and longer it is to get out. Needless to say, self care be an absolute priority, because if you get past your breaking point, chances of recovery are very low.

That said, 30% of people who try to ctb once will try again later. While it is the strongest risk factor for death by suicide, only 7% of those (and that's a fact) will die of subsequent attempt. That says a lot by itself.

 

[motel rooms]

Some people tend to buy into the illusion of permanence about their issues and that's a very hard mindset to change or allow you to recover, but it's one of those things you have power over. That kind of mindset can keep you stuck until you realize that maybe solutions exist, even if you can't see them.

This can-do attitude is gonna get you in a lot of trouble on here

 

[popuoh]

If pain and suffering stop being a almost constant state for most sentient being then maybe I'd stop being suicidal
Or else for as long as I have consciousness and cognitive abilities, I'll always be suicidal

 

[Thisgirlwantstosleep]

At this point, no. I've long surpassed my own personal tipping point.

My mind is covered in scars and callouses that no material condition could fix.

There are things that would make me feel slightly less despair but irrespective I'd still be disgusted reality.

I think life is a purely torturous and pointless thing to experience, and in order for me to have felt any different I'd have to of been born again as a completely different person in a different family.

At this point suicidality is my base emotional state, both my crux and salvation.

I see myself committing suicide at some time in the future, unless I want to continue to live a life of mediocrity.

 

[LoupDeFeu]

I've learned to embrace it.

This can-do attitude is gonna get you in a lot of trouble on here

lol

 

[Life_and_Death]

for me it would have to be a literal born again thing as i have mentioned multiple time that im fairly confident that even without the abuse id still be screwed being born with my disorders. so in this life time, yeah im screwed. my best chance is to have it manageable

 

[death137]

My main problem is unfixable but even if something happened that made me not to care about it much, I would still want to ctb in the future because I hate aging and afraid to sleep alone. There are also other problems which I really want to avoid and the only way I can do so is if I'm dead.

 

[Bullit]

I'm late 20s. Ergo too late. No girl who isn't stupid or naive should want to get with someone who hasn't even been in a relationship at this point because it's a genuine red flag. Even besides that, getting involved with me is probably the worst thing I can do to someone.

Maybe there are some cute girls HERE that want a guy who understands their stuff
?? Ladies??

This can-do attitude is gonna get you in a lot of trouble on here

I have respect for the people here who say," By cracky,life is all fucked up! But you know what,maybe if I try this or that and hang in there maybe just maybe,bitch,I can turn this shit around!"
If you have hope, you have a chance.
Me,I don't have no hope,so I look with envy on anyone who says,"Fuck it,ill give it another go."

 

[Mors927]

I'm pretty sure my suicidality is here to stay, I haven't been without the thought of suicide for almost five years now I think? I'm taking care of that on June 1st though : )

 

[Queenfatty19]

I feel like it's so deeply rooted that it is a part of who I am, like a personality trait.

Me too

 

[death137]

Nah, all I need is a near-perfect girlfriend/wife/soulmate then I won't be suicidal anymore. I actually got very close to achieving this too.

...except now that she's gone from my life I realize I'll never actually be able to achieve this in this timeline. It was at most a 1 in 14,000,605 chance anyway so this current existence is just one of the 14,000,604 possibilities. I don't see any chance of it happening again no matter what misconceptions people may have about me underestimating myself.

Few months ago I was contacted by this girl on reddit and she was nice to me. We have some things in common which she liked. She was indirectly suggesting a relationship with me. It was like the "1 in 14,000,005" chance but it was ruined probably by my continuous suicidal and self loathing posts. I sometimes ask what if I didn't say those things? Would she visit me in my country like she suggested if we become close? Life is very bad for some of us.

 

[BottomlessPit]

Suicide is the key to solving all of life's problems. So as long as there are problems of any sort (and there always will be), then I will be suicidal. Old age, disease, abuse, mental and physical deterioration, embarrassment... it can happen to all of us. Suicide is the best way to avoid it.