Well, I'll always just want death/eternal complete absolute pure plain literal nothingness/non-existence but "suicidal" isnt exactly the word. That 'word' has a 'meaning'/'connotation'/'relation'/'association' that it's
NOT my 'case' at all (to call it some way lol, but it's NOT 'temporary' nor a fucking 'phase' nor a "situation" nor any other crap like that ffs) and that doesnt 'represents' 'me' or whatever tf that fcking means lol at all. i don't want to die "bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN bUt If It WaSnT fOr ThAt/ bUt iF tHiS aNd Or ThAt 'tHiNg' wAsNt HaPpEnInG i WoUlDnT". No lmfao, it's
NOT because of
ANY reason/cause at all in general nor a "CoNsEqUeNcE" of absolutely anything at all and there aren't any fucking "explanations" at all, why the fuck there have to? why the fuck there has to be a reason why yes or yes? jesus damn fucking christ I just will never at all ever fucking 'understand' why is caring about etc and or whatever tf 'things' in general/'something' in general/'life'/'existence'/'planet earth'/'the world' blahblahetcetc and or whatever the damn fuck in general "UnlEsS i SaY i DoNt bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN"/"uNleSs tHeReS a ReAsOn wHy I dOnT" a fucking damn obligation. I just can't understand, i literally just can't and never will. I literally JUST/ONLY WANT/WANT TO WANT TO DIE/NOT 'EXIST' AT ALL/NOT 'BE' ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETC AT ALL IN GENERAL FOR ALL 'ETERNITY' and i always will no matter what and it's the ONLY "thing" I'll ever want to/want to want to and 'wish'/'desire'/'crave' or whatever tf those 'verbs' even fucking mean a lot also NO FUCKING MATTER WHAT. And i don't say this "bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN" for fuck's sake there SIMPLY ARENT ANY. I
DONT want to "commit suicide"/to die bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN, i just simply dont want to 'exist' nor 'experience'/'know'/'live'/'be part of'/'belong to'/'explore'/'do'/'participate in' etcetcblabla ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL no matter what/how the damn fuck it is/can be of any type/way etc in general at all and thats fucking it, and there simply ARENT any fucking reasons in general at all, whether it's 'believed'/'understood'/'comprehended' or not, if it isn't i just couldn't give any less of a damn fuck
that doesn't fucking mean that it's ""nOt TrUe"" and that it's ""iMpOsSibLe"" as literally/basically everyone in general whether they're 'pro life' or not, 'pro choice' or not, 'suicidal' or not would fucking 'tell' me lmao. I've disabled notifications or whatever tf that fcking word means, so if whoever reads this and answers with (definitely/obviously) an assumption or more than one assumption, I wont 'read' it at all, I don't want to read any of that shit. It'd make me have so much fucking 'impotence' and so much 'frustration' hat i would probably end up 'breaking' something. I don't give a damn sht whatever tf it's what whoever tf will assume, i'm already used to assumptions lmfao I've read some and it's so fcking frustrating to have to read that fccking garbage crap that not only pro lifers say but pro choicers and suicidals too. I'm basically (and 'proud' of it or whatever tf that word means lmao) the 'extreme'/'absolute'/'complete'/'maximum'/'literal' quite the 'opposite' of literally everyone/anyone in general whether theyre pro life or not, pro choice or not, suicidal or not etc lol so that's the consequence of the fcking assumptions that I receive
but I'm glad i don't read them, i read one once from a member 'here' in SS and it gave me a lot of impotence and frustration or whatever tf those 'words' even mean lol. so no matter how many assumptions i get, i wont read any of them at all, nothing that any of it will assume is true. it's not my fcking 'problem' that this seems to simply be 'iMpOsSibLe' to 'understand'/'comprehend'/'believe' (for a fucking 'reason' i don't know
but well) for literally/basically everyone in general/all 'people' in general no matter if theyre 'pro life' or not, 'pro choice' or not, 'suicidal' or not. that doesnt fucking mean that its not true and that it's """iMpOsSibLe"""/"""iRrAtIoNaL""" (as if i gave a damn fuck if it's """iRrAtIoNaL""" or whatever tf that 'word'/'adjective' means or not lmfaooooo) for fuck's sake. i also wont 'try' to 'explain' this much more/in other 'ways' nor with other 'words' because i simply just DONT fcking want to 'think'/'write' etc absolutely literally ANYTHING AT ALL. and anyways no matter 'how many' 'times' I try to explain/tell this and no matter what i 'try' to 'explain'/'tell' neither how i try to 'explain'/'tell' it, and no 'matter' (as if iw gave a damn fuck if whatever tf in general "mAtTeRs" or not lmao i simply just couldn't care less ffs) what 'wOrDs' i 'use', this just will never be 'understood'/'believed'/'comprehended' (it'll never be 'understood'/'believed'/'comprehended' not even 'a bit'/'slightly', so much less 'completely'... sigh lmao. im so fucking trapped in this obligation and it's so fucking hard to 'leave' the fucking 'meat shell'/'meat carcass'/'flesh' and finally die/'disappear' 'completely' and 'entirely'/not 'exist' at all/not 'be' literally absolutely anything anyone anywhere at all. fuck, it's so damn frustrating...) by literally anyone in general at all both pro life/not, pro choice/not, suicidal/not etc, so... I wont fucking try explaining this in other ways nor using other words because anyways it won't be believed at all and there'll be assumptions everywhere anyways. ill post this and immediately ignore the thread and I dont give a shit what are any of you going to reply to this lmao, it'll clearly be a fcking assumption and i just DONT want to read that
So, im not "suicidal" and has never been. But that doesnt mean i dont want to die lmao. I DONT want to die ""BECAUSE OF A REASON/REASONS ONLY"". I want to/want to want to and always will and that's it ffs, i simply just dont fcking want to 'exist' in general at all as anything in general at all nor anywhere/anything in general at all, nor 'experience' etc absolutely literally ANYTHING in general at all whatever/however tf it is/can be etc of any type/way etc in general at all and that's fucking it, there arent any damn reasons in general at all. "Suicidal" isn't the 'word', there isnt any 'word' for 'me' at all in general. i literally just simply want to die/just NOT 'exist' at all and that's it. It's not that i actually dont want to die but i say i want to because of a reason. No for fucks sake no. There AREN'T any "rEaSoNs"/"cAuSeS" at all, why tf there have to be yes or fcking yes? Why???!!! ive always fucking wondered that and always will and i just cant understand. why tf cant i simply just dont want/don't have any damn 'interest' etc for|about/dont give a shit about etcetcetc [AND DONT WANT TO AT ALL] absolutely ANYTHING in general AT ALL
NO matter at all what/how it is/it can be, of any type/way etc at all in general WITHOUT ANY DAMN REASONS IN GENERAL AT ALL and that's fcking it? why ffs WHY CANT I???!!! just because "i" had no choice but to 'exist', 'be'/'become' 'something'/'someone' and 'come' 'here'/'be' 'brought' 'here' or?????!!!!!! just because 'people'/'human beings' say so and fucking feel like it or what?????!!!!! I JUST CANT 'UNDERSTAND'!!!!!!! WHY IS 'THIS' A PRISON!!!!!! WHY IS 'THIS' ('this' could've been any other 'thing' any other 'ways' anywhere else in general with other 'things' etc and blablabla and i wouldn't have given a damn shit about it neither nor wanted it nor have any damn 'interest' for it nor want to 'experience'/'live'/'participate in' etcetcblabla it neither at all lmfaooo I JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN FCK HOW/WHAT ANYTHING/EVERYTHING/WHATEVER THE FCK IN GENERAL IS/ISNT/CAN BE/WILL BE NEITHER WHAT IT HAS/THERE IS/THERE CAN BE AND BASICALLY A LOOOOOOONG ETC AND THATS IT FFS I SIMPLY JUST DONT. AND I NEVER AT ALL EVER WILL. AND ITS JUST NOT BECAUSE OF LITERALLY ANY SINGLE DAMN REASONS IN GENERAL AT ALL FFS.) A FCKING OBLIGATION!!!!!!!! WHY????!!!!! (*not the "prison" way you all mean/refer to when saying that "this is a prison". I dont say that "this is a prison" neither "because im 'suffering'/'in pain'" nor ""because of 'depression'|any other 'mental illnesses'/"bad life""" nor """""because 'society'/'the world'/'humanity'/'life'/'planet earth'/'existence' and or whatever the fck is ""bAd"" aNd Or AnY oThEr ""nEgAtIvE"" 'way'/'adjective'/'thing'/type of 'thing'/'place'/type of 'place'/type of 'life'/type of 'world'/type of x/type of blahblahblahetcetcetc whatever the fck in general""""" nor because of literally any other reason at all in general of basically and literally ANY type at all. im not "suffering" at all, any type of "suffering", any type of "pain", in any way in general at all about anything ffs. 'my life' is/has always been 'good'/'great'/'normal' or whatever tf those 'words' mean and i literally 'have it all'/'have everything' and i couldn't give any less of a damn fuck lmao, why tf do i have to ffs? WHY!!!! and i dont have and never have had any "problems"/"issues" of any type at all about anything, and so what lmao i couldn't care less. I'm not and have never been at all "depressed" at all in any way about anything nor have any other "mental illness" in general of any type nor any other types of "illnesses"/"diseases" and so fcking what too lmfao why the fck am I fcking obligated/forced to 'be' "gRaTeFul"?????? WHY!!!!!!! im not/have never been "empty" nor "bored" nor "disappointed" (why tf would i lmfao and why tf do i have to yes or yes care about and or whatever other 'verb'|'action' etc in general whatever tf 'things'/'something' ffs why????!!!!!) nor "unsatisfied"/"unfulfilled" (i dont want and never at all ever will to be "sAtIsfIeD" nor "fUlFiLlEd" nor literally any other crap like that about/for/of absolutely literally anything in general at all whatever/however the damn fck it is/can be etc no matter what type/way etc it is, neither whatever tf its 'related to'/'about'/'from' lmfaooooo i literally just dont give a damn fuck ffs!!!!!!!! why the fck do i have to fcking 'care' in general ffs why????!!!! why is this a fucking obligation ffs just let 'me' finally leave the fucking flesh/meat carcass and finally NOT 'exist' at all/NOT 'be" absolutely literally anything/anyone/anywhere in general at all and finally disappear entirely and completely for all eternity ffs!!!!! stop fucking obligating/forcing me to want to 'exist' and 'experience' etc in general 'things'/'something' ffs i just fcking dont and never at all ever will!!!!!!!!) nor "anxious", nor "socially anxious" ** ((im not "socially anxious" and have never been lol, it's not "social anxiety", it's COMPLETE/TOTAL/ABSOLUTE 'DISINTEREST'/'AVOIDANCE' of 'people' in general 'whatever'/'however'/'whoever' tf 'they' 'are' lol i just couldn't care less. so if i ever 'told' to someone 'here' that i ""have"" "social anxiety" that's not true at all lmfao i said it because if i had told the truth id have received assumptions like "yOu PrObaBly aReNt iNtErEsTeD iN pEopLe/aNyoNe bEcAuSe Of AbUsE/bUlLyInG" and or whatever other assumption crap like that/in general lmao. No ffs lol I've never at all been "abused" nor "bullied" in any way, any type of "abuse"/"bullying"/"mistreat"/"assault"/"harassment" in general at all by anyone in general at all anywhere at all. i simply just dont have any 'interest' for absolutely anyone and never will. the only 'social contact' I have is with my 'parents'/'family' and because i have no choice lmao and i dont give a shit that theyre a 'gOoD'/'gReAt' 'parents'/'family' and that theyre 'loving'/'kind'/'supportive'/'accepting'/'protective' and or whatever/any other ""pOsItIvE"" 'ways'/'adjectives'/type of 'parents'|'family' lol. and well, the only reasons why i haven't "ctb" yet is because of them and a cat my 'parents' 'adopted' few years ago and well bc I simply dont have any way out anyway.. if it wasn't for that id have MORE THAN DEFINITELY died a very long time ago. its just so fcking hard and risky to attempt here amyway... and anyways if i died 'here' 'theyd' 'then' 'find'/'see' the dead body and get 'very'/'extremely' 'traumatized' and 'shocked' and blahblah, but well 'theyll' 'always' be 'traumatized' and 'shocked', whether i do it here or outside so, but well, if i did it 'here' ['assuming' i don't 'fail'..] 'theyd' 'remember' that 'scene' of 'me' dying in their 'house' and 'seeing' the 'meat carcass' 'there' in that 'exact' 'place' blahblahblah. jesus fcking christ I shouldn't give a damn fck if 'theyll' be 'traumatized'/'shocked'/'devastated'/'hurt' or whatever the damn fck that means, that makes it even much harder for me to attempt/FINALLY DIE AND NOT 'EXIST' AT ALL. 'sorry' for them but i wont 'stay' just because 'they' want me to and just because 'they' will 'cry'/'suffer' or whatever tf that means and be 'devastated'/'hurt'/'shocked'/'traumatized' or whatever tf that means, I SIMPLY JUST DONT AND DONT WANT TO WANT TO AND NEVER AT ALL EVER WILL AND THATS IT ITS NOT BECAUSE OF ANY SINGLE DAMN REASON IN GENERAL AT ALL. Sigh. if i dont want to 'fail' the attempt and not have to 'risk' being found/'brain damage'/ending up in 'hospital'|a 'psych ward'/not having any more opportunities to attempt again/'traumatizing'|'shocking' my 'parents'|'family'/being on 'suicide watch' and blahblah many other fucking 'risks', I have no fcking choice but to fucking do it outside/in another 'house' and that means having to fcking have/buy a fcking goddamn house/apartment and for that i first have to fcking 'work' and all that damn garbage crap and 'force myself' and make the fucking 'effort' to "have" "mOtIvAtIoN"/"iNtErEsT"/"dEsIrE"/"wiLl"/"dEdIcAtIoN"/"eNeRgY"/"sTrEnGtH" and all that fcking crap bullsht, and id have to 'wait' a lot of fcking 'years' until i FINALLY can fcking 'buy'/'have' the damn 'house'/'apartment' TO FINALLY ATTEMPT/DIE THERE. what a damn fcking garbage bullshit crap that if i want to attempt/"ctb" ["catch" the "bus" to NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE, not to any type/form of 'afterlife' at all] 'succesfully'/'reliably' or whatever tf that means and NOT 'fail' at all and have 'enough' time to plan/prepare it 'pRoPeRlY' and 'sAfElY' as id be alone without any other 'people' 'around' and not have to 'worry' about someone being around and finding 'me' nor about any other 'risks' and not 'traumatize'/'shock' my 'parents'/'family' etcetcblabla i have to yes or yes fcking 'work' and other crap like that to fckinf 'have'/'get' 'money' or whatever tf that is/means, to buy/have a fcking damn house/apartment then fcking 'wait' for 'who' the fck 'knows' how many fcking years to FINALLY attempt there to not 'risk' getting caught etc and be 'able' to do it there "without any" 'risks'/'worries'/'interruptions'.. jfc i dont want NEVER HAVE WANTED NEVER WILL to fcking work ffs... fuck it's so frustrating that it has to be that way or do it 'here' and 'risk' it a lot
i just cant 'consider' a 'hotel room' neither because it's just too 'risky' and suspicious and i dont have fucking 'money' for that and my 'parents' would 'suspect' a lot that 'they' wouldnt 'give' me 'money' for the fcking 'hotel room', and ctbing 'outside' is also so fcking 'risky' and 'suspicious' too, i dont want to have the fucking 'police' trying to 'find' me and ending up in a fucking 'psych ward'. Sigh... it's so fcking frustrating!!!!!!)) nor "sad" nor "apathetic" nor "hopeless" nor "numb" or whatever tf that means lmao nor blahblahetcetc any other """"nEgAtIvE"""" 'way'/'adjective' in general at all about anything, in any damn way, any damn type etc at all. I dont have and never have had "sElF lOaThE" nor "sElF hAtReD" nor "lOw sElFeSteEm" or whatever tf all that even means lmao nor absolutely literally any other """nEgAtIvE""" 'things' like that and in general nor literally basically absolutely any other "problems"/"issues" etc in general at all ffs, and so fcking what lmfaooooo.
There ARENT any "reasons why" at all, never have been any and never will. I dont 'say' "this is a prison" in the way you all/everyone else in general say it nor what you refer to/why you say it when saying that. I say "this is a prison" basically because it's a fucking obligation to 'exist'/want to 'exist' yes or yes uNleSs I dOnT wAnT tO bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN, to care about|want|be 'interested' in etc/want to care about|want|be 'interested' in etc//want to 'live'/'do'/'experience'/'enjoy'/'explore'/'participate in'/'be part of' etcblabla//want to 'do' in general and or 'learn' and or 'experience' and or 'know' and or 'enjoy' and or 'have' and or 'be' and or 'feel' and or 'perceive'' and or 'see' and or 'value' and or 'wish' and or 'desire' and or 'like' and or 'achieve' and or blahblahblahblahetcetcetc any/whatever other 'verb'|'action' in general 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'existence'/'consciousness'/'things'|'something' in general wHaTeVeR tHe DaMn FuCk iN gEnErAl bUt sOmEtHiNg yes or fcking yes and I can't simply just NOT fcking want to/just NOT fcking want to want to and that's it ""uNleSs ThErE aRe ReAsOnS wHy I dOnT"" ""iF tHeRe ArEnT aNy rEaSoNs wHy At AlL iTs bEcAuSe iM "SeRiOuSlY" "mEnTaLlY iLl" aNd tHeReS a "cHeMiCaL iMbAlAnCe iN mY 'bRaIn'" aNd ThErEs SoMe 'sErIoUs' 'nEuRoLoGiCaL' "pRoBlEm" iN mY 'bRaIn'"" LMFAOOOOO just because 'humans'/'people' fcking say so and fcking feel like it and have fcking INVENTED that crap
with that garbage crap is what i mean with "this is a prison", meaning that its a fcking obligation and that i cant just DONT fcking want etc absolutely ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL AND THATS IT WITHOUT ANY FCKING REASONS IN GENERAL AT ALL because some 'human'/'person' invented that garbage crap and fucking said so and felt like it and literally everyone else in general decided to invent that bullshit too lmfao, sigh. if FUCKING ONLY it was easy to die...
*I don't give a shit if 'life'/'the world'/'humanity'/'society'/'planet earth'/'existence'/'human race' and or blahblahblah whatever the damn fuck in general is """gOoD""" or """bAd""" and or any/whatever other """"""pOsItIvE""""""/""""""""""nEgAtIvE""""""""" 'way'/'adjective'/'thing'/'place'/type of 'thing'/type of 'place'/type of 'life'/type of 'world'/type of 'planet'/type of 'society'/type of 'existence'/type of 'consciousness'/type of 'humanity'/type of x/type of blaaahblaaahblaaah whatever the damn fck in general nor if what happens/there is is """gOoD""" or """"bAd"""" and or any/whatever other """""pOsItIvE""""" or """"""""nEgAtIvE"""""""" 'way'/'adjective'/'thing'/'event' etc and or whatever tf in general lmao/type of 'thing'/type of 'event' and or whatever the damn fck in general blablaetc lmfaooooo i just couldn't care any less!!!!!! why the fck am i obligated/forced to fcking care yes or yes????!!!! just because "i" "am"/"i" 'exist'/"I" "am" "here" or what??????????? but why the damn fck cant i literally and simply just NOT/DONT give a damn fck sht about etc literally ANYTHING at all in general AND JUST NOT/DONT WANT TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING and that's it and that's fcking basically it ffs why why why why the fck that """"ISNT POSSIBLE"""" FFS WHYYYYYYYY????????!!!!!!!!!!!!
I
dont want to die "oNlY bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN/rEaSoNs"/"oNlY bEcAuSe ThIs aNd Or tHaT 'hApPeNs'" nor any other things like that, it's
not that i want to die (AND FINALLY JUST NOT 'EXIST' AT ALL/NOT 'BE' ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE/FORM/WAY ETC AT ALL/DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY AND COMPLETELY FOREVER AND FOR ALL ETERNITY/INFINITY) "bEcAuSe Of tHis Or ThAt rEaSoN"/"bEcAuSe SoMeThINg hAs BrOuGhT mE tO tHaT 'cOncLuSiOn'/'pOiNt'/'dEcIsIoN' bEcAuSe Of A 'rEaSoN'/'cAuSe'/bEcAuSe 'tHiS' aNd Or 'ThAt' hApPeNs", no lmfaooooo. I simply just
DON'T want to 'exist' in general at all and never at all ever will no fcking matter what in general nor 'be' absolutely literally anything anyone anywhere at all nor 'experience'/'know'/'enjoy'/'care about'/be 'interested' in/'be part of'/'participate in'/'learn' 'about'/'inhabit'/'belong to' etcetcetcetcblablabla just simply literally
ANYTHING at all whatever/however it is, whatever the fuck happens/no fucking matter what 'things'/type of 'things' happen neither how/how the 'things' are, no matter what whatever the fuck is about, no matter how whatever the fuck works, no matter what there is/there can be, NO MATTER ABSOLUTELY/LITERALLY/BASICALLY
ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL FFS. And that's basically literally simply it ffs, i just cant fucking 'understand' why the fuck this """"iSnT pOsSiBlE"""" and i never fucking will at all, is it """iMpOsSibLe""" why? WHY THE FUCK IS IT """"iMpOsSibLe""" FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHY???!!! JUST BECAUSE 'HUMANS'/'PEOPLE' FUCKING SAY SO AND FCKING FEEL LIKE IT AND HAVE FCKING INVENTED THAT GARBAGE FUCK CRAP BULLSHIT OR FCKING WHAT????????
I WANT A FUCKING 'EXPLANATION'!!!!!! if i hAvE tO yEs Or YeS hAvE aN eXpLaNaTiOn """"fOr WhY i SiMpLy jUsT dOnT gIvE a ShIt aBoUt eTc aNyThInG aNd JuSt DoNt wAnT tO eXiSt AnD jUsT dOnT wAnT tO 'eXpErIeNcE'/'lIvE'/'dO'/'kNoW'/'pArTiCiPaTe iN' iN gEnErAl EtC aNyThInG iN gEnErAl At AlL"""", then there also has to be a fcking explanation for why """""i "CaNt"|iTs "iMpOsSibLe" to jUsT sImPlY nOt WaNt To 'ExIsT' aNd JuSt NoT wAnT/nOt cArE aBoUt/nOt hAvE aNy 'iNtErEsT' 'fOr' [[[AND DONT FCKING WANT TO AT ALL AND THATS IT AND I NEVER AT ALL EVER WILL. AS FCKING SIMPLE AS THAT FFS, THATS IT. THATS LITERALLY IT. AND ITS NOT BECAUSE OF ANY DAMN REASONS AT ALL]]] EtCeTc AnYtHiNg iN gEnErAl At AlL"""""!!!!!!!!!
NOTHING AT ALL has "brought" me to ""tHiS pOiNt"", it's not a ""dEcIsIoN"" nor a ""cOnClUsIoN"" bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN aNd Or AnOtHeR. ITS NOT BECAUSE OF ANY REASON AT ALL FFS. I SIMPLY JUST DONT WANT ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL AND DONT WANT TO WANT TO AND THATS IT. THATS. BASICALLY. IT. I. SIMPLY. JUST. DONT. AND. DONT. WANT. TO. WANT. TO. NEVER. AT ALL. HAVE. EVER. WANTED. AND. NEVER. AT. ALL. EVER. WILL. AND. ILL. NEVER. AT. ALL. 'HAVE'/'FEEL' ANY. DAMN. FCKING. "NEED"/"NECESSITY"/"INTEREST"/"DESIRE"/"INTENTION" TO/TO WANT TO AND THATS FUCKING IT FFS.
FOR FUCKS SAKE why the fuck do i have to yes or fucking yes why tf is it a fucking obligation why cant i literally basically simply just not want/not give a goddamn fuck about/not have any damn 'interest' for etcetcetc absolutely literally ANYTHING in general at all whatever/however the fuck it is/can be, of any type/way etc at all, 'related to'/'about'/'from' absolutely literally anything/anywhere at all in general whatever and however it is/can be of any type/way/form etc AND THATS IT?????!!!!!!! WITHOUT LITERALLY ANY FUCKING DAMN REASONS IN GENERAL AT ALL OF LITERALLY ANY TYPE AT ALL FFS????!!!!! why the fuck CANT I???!!! WHY???!!! just because 'humans'/'people' fcking say so and fcking feel like it and have fcking INVENTED, YES, INVENTED, that """iTs iMpOsSibLe tO jUsT nOt wAnT tO 'eXisT' aNd jUsT nOt wAnT/nOt cArE aBoUt/nOt hAvE aNy 'iNtEreSt' fOr eTc eTc AnYtHiNg iF iTs NoT bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN|rEaSoNs/wItHoUt aNy rEaSoN/rEaSoNs iN gEnErAl At AlL"""?????????!!!!!!!!!!! but why the damn fuck there has to be a goddamn fcking reason JEEEEEESUS FCKING DAMN CHRIST!!!!!!!!!
For fucks sake why the damn fuck do i even have to have a fucking explanation "fOr WhY i WaNt tO dIe"??? THERE ARENT ANY EXPLANATIONS AT ALL, AND THERE SIMPLY ARENT ANY FUCKING REASONS/CAUSES AT ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE. Why cant i literally simply ONLY want/want to want to die/not 'exist' at all ffs why the fuck there has to be fucking reason yes or damn yes? just because 'humans'/'people' have fucking said so and fucking feel like it and have fucking INVENTED that its """"iMpOsSibLe"""" tO wAnt tO dIe If iTs nOt bEcAuSe Of A rEaSon/wItHoUt aNy rEaSoN aT aLl or fucking what? LMFAO that's a fucking invention, 'who' the fuck said i can't simply just not want/not give a damn shit about etc (AND SIMPLY JUST NOT WANT TO WANT/AND NOT WANT TO WANT TO AT ALL) LITERALLY BASICALLY ABSOLUTELY
ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT/HOW THE DAMN FUCK IT IS/CAN BE, OF LITERALLY ANY TYPE/WAY ETC AT ALL IN GENERAL ETCETC AND THATS FUCKING IT WITHOUT ANY SINGLE DAMN FCKING REASONS AT ALL???????? who the damn fuck INVENTED that that's """""ImPoSsIbLe""""" and """""iRrAtIoNaL""""" (as if i gave a damn fuck if it's """iRrAtIonaL"""/"""iLlOGiCaL"""/"""iNcOhErEnT""" or whatever the damn fck those 'words' fcking mean and or not lmfaoooooooooooo i couldn't care any damn less!!!!!!!!! NO ONE AT ALL should fucking obligate/force me to 'exist'/'experience' etc/want to 'experience' etc/'care about' etc/want to 'care about' etc 'things'/'something'/'life'/'existence'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'consciousness' and or whatever the damn fck in general yes or fucking yes "uNleSs I dOnT bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN yEs Or YeS", EVEN THOUGH I SIMPLY JUST DONT FUCKING WANT TO/SIMPLY JUST DONT FCKING WANT TO FCKING WANT TO and just because "I" had no damn fcking choice but to 'exist', be 'created'/'made' to in general 'be'/'become' 'something'/'someone' and just because "I" had no damn choice but to 'be' 'born'/'be' 'brought' to 'existence'/'life'/'consciousness' and or blaHblAh whatever the fck 'all' 'this' 'is'/'all' 'this' 'is' 'called' that i literally just simply couldn't care any less no matter what/how it is, neither what 'happens', neither what 'there is'/'there can be' and a loooooong etc and just because 'all' of 'you' and literally basically everyone/anyone else in general both pro life and not pro life, pro choice and not pro choice, suicidal and not suicidal etc want to/want to want to/care about etc/want to care about etc/want to 'live'/'experience'/'do'/'enjoy'/'know'/'learn' 'about'/'be part of'/'participate in' etcblabla whatever tf 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'consciousness'/'existence'/'things' in general/'something' in general uNleSs yOu DoNt bEcAuSe oF "sUfFeRiNg"/"pAiN"/"dEpReSsIoN"/"mEaNiNgLeSsNeSs"/"pOiNtLeSsNeSs"/"hOpElEsSnEsS"/"lOnElInEsS"/"oThEr mEnTaL iLlNeSsEs oThEr tHaN dEpReSsIoN"/"aNxIeTy"/"bAd LiFe"/"tHe 'PaNdEmIc'|'lOcKdOwN'" (as if i gave a damn fcking damn fck if theres a "pAnDeMiC"/"lOcKdOwN" or whatever tf that means or not lmfaooooooooooooo it doesnt """aFfEcT""" 'me' nor """wOrRy""" 'me' at all lmaoooo why tf it has to)/"bAd FaMiLy"/"nIhIlIsM"/"aNtInAtAlIsM"/"eMpTiNeSs"/"bOrEdOm"/"lOw sElFeSteEm"/"pHySiCaL iLlNeSsEs"/"dIsAbIlItIeS"/"hOmElEsSnEsS"/"dISaApPoIntMent"/"uNsAtIsFaCtIoN"/"uNfUlFiLlMeNt" aNd Or AnY/wHaTeVeR oThEr rEaSoNs iN gEnErAl wHaTeVer It Is BuT bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN yEs Or YeS. OK AND SO FUCKING WHAT LMFAO WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO CARE YES OR YES TOO WHY THE FUCK DO I YES OR YES HAVE TO WANT TO TOO UnlEsS i DoNt bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN, WHY THE FUCK DO I YES OR YES HAVE TO WANT TO 'EXPERIENCE'/'LIVE'/'ENJOY'/'PARTICIPATE IN'/'BE PART OF'/'KNOW' ABOUT/'LEARN' ABOUT BLAHBLAHETCETC (and 'care about' in general/be 'interested'|'curious' and or whatever tf in general for|about etcblabla) 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'consciousness'/'existence' yes or yes uNleSs tHeReS A rEaSoN wHy I dOnT??????!!!!!!!! BUT WHY THE FUCK THERE HAS TO BE A REASON WHY I JUST FUCKING CANT UNDERSTAND!!!!!! it's so fucking damn frustrating that i want to fucking 'break' or whatever tf that 'verb' even fucking means 'something'. if only i could finally 'leave'/'get the fuck out of'/'get rid of' the fucking 'flesh'/'meat carcass' or whatever tf a 'body'/'human body' in general is TO FINALLY DIE AND NOT 'EXIST' AT ALL/NOT 'BE' ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE AT ALL AND FINALLY 'COMPLETELY' AND 'ENTIRELY' 'DISAPPEAR' FOREVER FOR ALL 'ETERNITY', if only it was easy... this fucking 'thing' called 'human body'/'body' or whatever tf a 'meat carcass'/'meat suit'/bunch of 'flesh' is fucking 'prevents' 'me' from FINALLY NOT 'EXISTING' AT ALL/NOT 'BEING' ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE AT ALL IN GENERAL and makes 'me' have no fucking choice but to 'exist' and yes or fucking yes continue 'pretending'/'faking' in general in many fucking 'aspects' to not 'raise' any fucking 'suspicion' at all/to not be suspicious at all and not be fucking assumed to be "dEprEsSeD" (because for literally basically everyone in general/all 'people' in general, iTs oNlY pOsSiBlE tO nOt wAnT tO 'eXiSt', tO nOt gIvE a DaMn FuCk AbOuT eTc AnYtHiNg aT aLl bLaHbLaH iF iTs bEcAuSe Of "dEpReSsIoN"/"aPaThY"/"sUfFeRiNg"/"pAiN"/"bAd FaMiLy"/"bAd CiRcUmStAncEs"/"bAd lifE"/"bAd eXpErIeNcEs"/"bAd SiTuAtIoN"/"dIsAbIlItIeS"/"mEnTaL iLlNeSsEs iN gEnErAl"/"eMpTiNeSs"/"bOrEdOm"/"lOw sElFeSteEm"/"nIhIlIsM"/"aNtInAtAlIsM" aNd Or bEcAuSe Of AnY/wHaTeVeR oThEr rEaSoN/rEaSoNs In gEnErAl and all that fucking damn garbage crap and "iT cAnT bE wItHoUt aNy rEaSoN aT aLl", jfc... this is literally a fucking obligation and it's so fucking frustrating, it's SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING that i have to fucking 'experience' etc it/want to 'experience' it and 'care about' it etc/want to 'care about' it yes or fucking yes "uNleSs I dOnT bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN". BUT WHY THE FUCK CANT I SIMPLY JUST FUCKING BASICALLY LITERALLY SERIOUSLY JUST FUCKING DONT/DONT FCKING WANT TO AND THATS FCKING IT WITHOUT ANY SINGLE DAMN REASONS IN GENERAL AT ALL OF LITERALLY ANY TYPE NOR RELATED TO/ABOUT ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL FFS WHY THE FCK THERE HAS TO BE A DAMN FCKING REASON/CAUSE/EXPLANATION BLABLAETC AND OR WHATEVER OTHER FUCKING DAMN GARBAGE FUCK YES OR FUCKING YES FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY??????!!!!!!!!! I just can't fucking understand or whatever tf that 'verb' means that there yes or fucking yes has to be a reason and that i cant just literally simply NOT fucking want/NOT fucking give a fuck about/NOT fucking have any 'interest' etc for|about/NOT fucking want to 'do' nor 'experience' nor 'know' nor 'learn' nor 'enjoy' nor 'accomplish' nor etcetcblabla any other 'vern'|'action' etc in general at all just literally simply basically absolutely ANYTHING AT ALL IN GENERAL OF LITERALLY ANY TYPE/WAY/FORM ETCETC AT ALL, WHATEVER/HOWEVER THE DAMN FUCK IT FUCKING IS/CAN BE AND THATS FUCKING IT.
It's NOT that ""i aCtUaLlY dOnT wAnT tO dIe bUt i WaNt tO bEcAuSe Of ThIs AnD oR tHaT ReAsOn, aNd/bUt iF iT wAsNt FoR tHaT i wOuLdNt WaNt tO dIe"" no lmfao it's not that fucking garbage crap. Im not ""suicidal"" or whatever the fuck that even means, thats associated with a 'depression'/'mental illness'/'suffering' and blahblahblah whatever/any other reasons in general that exist fOr WhY sOmEoNe wAnTs tO dIe bUt iF iT wAsnT fOr tHaT i wOuLdNt wAnT tO dIe. I don't have any reasons at all, there simply ARENT any and never at all ever will. I simply just don't give a damn single fucking shit (and never at all have ever wanted to and never at all ever will no matter what etc at all) about absolutely completely literally ANYTHING AT ALL in general, no fucking matter what/how it is/can be and thats it and i simply just don't fucking want to and never at all will and i don't give a shit if no one believes it lmfao. I shouldnt be fucking obligated/forced to 'exist'/want to 'exist' uNleSs ThErEs A rEaSoN wHy I DoNt, to care about/be 'interested' in/want to 'experience'/'live'/'do'/'enjoy'/'know' about/'learn' about/'participate in'/'be part of' etcetcblabla 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'consciousness'/'existence' or whatever tf their 'names' are blabla and or whatever the damn fuck uNlEsS tHeReS a ReAsoN wHy I dOnT, to 'care about'/have 'interest' and or 'curiosity' and or 'attraction' and or whatever other fucking garbage bullshit crap like that for|about|in/to want to 'wish' and or 'desire' and or 'enjoy' and or 'like' and or 'value' and or 'appreciate' and or 'admire' and or 'do' and or 'experience' and or 'explore' and or 'accomplish' and or 'learn' and or 'kNoW hOw tO dO' and or 'aSpIrE tO' and or 'bE 'gOoD' aT fOr' and or 'know' and or 'dO 'rIgHt'|'wElL'' and or 'discover' and or 'feel' and or 'have' and or 'be' and or blaaahblaaahblaaah whatever/any other fucking 'verb'/'action' etc in general 'things'/'something' YES OR FUCKING YES uNleSs I dOnT wAnT tO bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN aNd iF tHeRe ArEnT aNy rEaSoNs iTs bEcAuSe tHeReS sOmE 'sErIouS' 'pRoBlEm' In mY 'bRaIn' aNd iM 'mEnTaLLy ILl' aNd tHeReS a 'cHeMicAl' 'iMbAlAnCE' iN 'mY' 'bRaIn' {as if ie gave a damn fuck if ""tHeReS a 'sErIoUs' 'pRoBlEm' iN mY 'bRaIn' aNd tHeReS a 'cHeMicAl' 'iMbAlAnCe' or not LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I COULDN'T GIVE ANY DAMN LESS OF A GODDAMN FUCK
i dont give a damn fuck what the fuck a "bRaiN"/"mInD" fucking is in the first place lmfao jfc why the fuck am i fucking obligated to want to fucking 'know'/'know' the fucking 'meaning' of 'things'/'words' and or whatever other fucking damn garbage crap bullshit ffs why the fuck am i fucking obligated/forced to yes or fucking yes care about etc and or whatever tf/want to care about and or whatever tf 'things'/'something'/'life'/'the world'/'existence'/'planet earth' and or whatever the damn fuck in general uNlEsS i DoNt bEcAuSe oF "sUfFeRiNg"/"pAiN"/"dEpReSsIon"/"AnY oThEr 'mEnTaL iLlNeSsEs'"/"bAd LifE"/"eMptIneSs"/"ApAtHy"/"lOsS oF iNtErEsT" (why the damn fuck do i yes or fucking yes have to be 'interested'/want to be 'interested' in 'things'/'something' for fucks sake i just CAN'T fucking 'understand'!!!!!!)/"bAd FaMiLy"/"nIhIlIsM"/"aNtInAtAlIsM"/"sElF hAtReD"/"sElF lOaThInG"/"lOw sElFeSteEm"/"bOrEdOm"/"hOpElEsSnEsS"/"aBuSe"/"tRaUmA"/"bUlLyInG" bLaHbLaH aNd Or bEcAuSe Of AnY/wHaTeVeR oThEr 'rEaSoN'/'rEaSoNs' iN gEnErAl bUt bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN yEs Or YeS????????!!!!!!!! Why the fuck there has to yes or damn fucking yes be a rEaSon wHy, why the damn fuck cant i SIMPLY LITERALLY BASICALLY SERIOUSLY KUST DONT FUCKING WANT TO/DONT FUCKING WANT TO WANT TO AND NEVER AT ALL EVER FUCKING WILL NO MATTER WHAT ETC AND THATS FUCKING IT, JESUS FUCKING DAMN CHRIST I JUST SIMPLY WILL NEVER FUCKING UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY IS THIS A FUCKING OBLIGATION PRISON FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I LITERALLY JUST COULDN'T CARE ANY FUCKING DAMN LESS FOR FUCKS SAKE WHATEVER/HOWEVER TF/WHATEVER TYPE|WAY OF WHATEVER TF IN GENERAL ANYTHING/EVERYTHING/WHATEVER 'THING'/'PLACE'/'ACTIVITY'/'LIFE'/'WORLD'/'PLANET'/'SOCIETY'/'EXISTENCE'/'CONSCIOUSNESS' ETCBLABLA WHATEVER TF IN GENERAL/'THING' IN GENERAL |'PLACE' IN GENERAL ETCBLABLA AND OR WHATEVER THE DAMN FCK IN GENERAL IS/ISNT/CAN BE/WILL BE ETC I LITERALLY JUST DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I SHOULDN'T AT ALL BE FUCKING FORCED/OBLIGATED TO/TO WANT TO JUST BECAUSE "I" HAD LITERALLY NO DAMN FUCKING CHOOCE BUT TO 'EXIST', 'BE' 'SOMETHING'/'SOMEONE', 'BE' 'PUT' 'INSIDE' A 'BODY'/'HUMAN BODY'/'BRAIN'/'MIND' OR WHATEVER TF THAT EVEN FUCKING MEANS/IS AND JUST BECAUSE "I" HAD NO GODDAMN CHOICE BUT TO 'BE' 'BROUGHT' 'HERE' (i simply just DONT want never at all ever wanted never will at all no matter what etc to 'be' 'brought'/'experience'|'know'|'enjoy'|'do'|'live'|'be part of'|'participate in'|'care about'|have 'interest' for etcetc
NEITHER 'HERE'/'THIS'/ANY OF 'THIS' WHATEVER HOWEVER TF IT IS/CAN BE WHATEVER TYPE ETC IT IS/CAN BE NO MATTER WHATS 'RELATED TO'/'ABOUT' ETC
NOR
ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING/ANYWHERE ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL!!!!!! WHATEVER/HOWEVER/WHEREVER ETC TF IT IS/CAN BE, OF ANY TYPE/WAY/FORM ETC AT ALL, 'RELATED TO'/'ABOUT'/'FROM' ETC LITERALLY SIMPLY BASICALLY ANYTHING/ANYWHERE AT ALL NO MATTER WHAT/HOW IT IS/CAN BE OF ANY TYPE/WAY ETCETC AT ALL IN GENERAL AND THAT'S IT, THATS FUCKING IT!!!!!!!! THERE. ARENT. ANY. REASONS/CAUSES. AT. ALL. NOR. ANY. 'EXPLANATIONS'. AT. ALL. NEITHER. FOR. FUCKS. SAKE. THERE. SIMPLY. AREN'T. NEVER. AT. ALL. HAVE. BEEN. AND. NEVER. AT. ALL. EVER. FUCKING. WILL. THATS. FUCKING. IT. WHETHER ITS BELIEVED/COMPREHENDED/UNDERSTOOR NOT. THATS FUCKING IT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST im so fucking frustrated that this is a FUCKING OBLIGATION and that if i JUST DONT FUCKING WANT IT AT ALL AND THATS IT tHeRe hAs tO bE a ReAsOn wHy YeS oR YeS, FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK. Its so fucking damn frustrating.
I simply want to die/NOT 'exist' at all (AND ITS NOT BECAUSE OF ANY DN REASONS/CAUSES AT ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE THERE SIMPLY ARENT ANY AND NEVER AT ALL EVER WILL, WHY THE DM FUCK CANT I SIMPLY JUST DONT FUCKING WANT TO/DONT FUCKING WANT TO FUCKING WANT TO AND THATS BASICALLY LITERALLY SIMPLY FUCKING IT FFS. WHY THE FUCK AM I FUCKING OBLIGATED TO FUCKING WANT TO uNleSs I sAy I dOnT bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN oR eLsE iM "mEnTaLlY iLl"/tHeReS a "chEmIcAl" "iMbAlAnCe" iN mY "bRaiN" JESUS FCKING CHRIST BUT WHY THE FUCK THERE HAS TO BE A DAMN REASON FFS WHY
i literally just cannot fucking 'comprehend', damn. im so fucking trapped in this [I DONT WANT NEVER AT ALL WANTED NEVER WILL AT ALL NEITHER ANY OF 'THIS' NOR ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER THE FCK IT IS OF ANY TYPE/WAY/FORM ETC] fucking obligation that i cant simply just not fucking want/not give a fuck about/not want to 'experience' etc at all no matter what/how it is, no matter how "gOoD" or how """bAd""" the damn fuck it is, no fucking matter what the fuck 'happens' neither the 'things'/'events' blahblah and or whatever the damn fuck in general happens/is, no matter what whatever tf is about/can be about/is "programmed"|"structured"|"designed"|"standardized" and or whatever the fuck, no matter how whatever tf 'works'/'can work' and a looooong etc. I LITERALLY JUST DONT GIVE A DAMN FUCK FFS I SHOULDNT BE FUCKING FORCED/OBLIGATED TO CARE YES OR FUCKING YES JESUS FUCKING CHRIST) and simply just dont want to 'experience'/'be part of'/'participate in'/'know' about etc/dont give a single damn fucking shit about/don't have AND SIMPLY DONT WANT TO HAVE AND NEVER AT ALL EVER FUCKING WILL NO FUCKING MATTER WHAT ETC ANY DAMN FUCKING 'INTEREST' FOR ETC (why the damn fuck "i" have to yes or fucking yes just because "i" had no damn choice but to 'exist'/be 'brought' 'here' for fucks sake!!!!! why the fuck cant i simply just DONT FUCKING WANT TO/DONT WANT TO WANT TO AND JUST DONT WANT TO 'EXPERIENCE' ETC/JUST DONT GIVE A DAMN FUCK ABOUT ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE DAMN FUCK IT IS/CAN BE OF ANY TYPE ANY WAY ANY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL IN FUCKING GENERAL AT DAMN ALL AND THATS FUCKING IT WITHOUT ANY SINGLE DAMN "rEaSoNs" AT ALL NOR ANY FUCKING "cAuSeS" AT ALL IN GENERAL FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!! why the DAMN FUCK am i fucking obligated/forced to care about/want/have 'interest' for etcetc/want to 'live'|'experience'|'know'|'do'|'enjoy'|'participate in' etc etc 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'consciousness' etcblabla whatever the damn fuck/'things' in general/'something' wHaTeVeR tHe DaMn fUcK bUt sOmEtHiNg YES OR FUCKING YES uNleSs I dOnT bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY THE FUCKING GODDAMN FUCK I FUCKING HAVE TO YES OR YES uNleSs I sAy i dOnT bEcAuSr Of "sUfFeRiNg"/"pAiN"/"bAd LifE"/"dIsApPoInTmENt wItH LifE|tHe WoRlD|hUmAnItY|sOcIeTy|pLaNet EaRtH aNd Or wHaTeVeR tHe DaMn FuCk iN gEnErAl"/"nIhIliSm"/"lOw sElf EsTeEm"/"oThEr mEnTaL iLlNeSsEs"/"bAd fAmIlY" aNd Or AnY/wHaTevEr oTheR rEaSoN/rEaSoNs iN gEnErAl bUt bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN yEs Or yEs FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY?????????????? WHY CANT I SIMPLY JUST NOT FUCKING WANT ETC/NOT FUCKING WANT TO FUCKING WANT ETC LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING IN FUCKING DAMN GENERAL AT ALL NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT/HOW THE DAMN FCK IT FUCKING IS/CAN BE OF LITERALLY ANY SINGLE DAMN FUCKING WAY/TYPE ETCETC AND THATS FUCKING DAMN IT WITHOUT ANY SINGLE DAMN FCKING rEaSoNs IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY DAMN TYPE!!!!!!!!!! jesus fucking christ it's so fucking frustrating that 'this' is a fucking goddamn obligation and that i cant simply just NOT WANT/NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCKING DAMN FUCK ABOUT/NOT HAVE AND NOT WANT TO HAVE ANY DAMN 'INTEREST' FOR ETCETC JUST LITERALLY SIMPLY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL IN GENERAL NO MATTER WHAT/HOW THE FUCK IT IS/CAN BE ETCETC, 'RELATED TO'/'ABOUT'/'FROM' ETCETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANYTHING ANYWHERE AT ALL IN GENERAL ANS THATS FUCKING IT WITHOUT ANY FUCKING DAMN REASONS AT ALL!!!!!!!! ITS SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING.) ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING in general AT ALL whatever/however the damn fuck it is/can be of literally any single damn type/way etc at all AND NO MATTER AT ALL WHAT/HOW ETC THE FCK IT IS/CAN BE NEITHER WHATS/WHERE'S RELATED TO/ABOUT/FROM ETC, ANYTHING FFS ANYTHING!!!! AND THATS IT. THERE ARENT ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANY REASONS IN GENERAL AT ALL. Fucking 'end' of the 'story'. and I don't give a damn fck if it's not believed lmao. some 'phrases' are 'unfinished'/'incomplete' but I couldn't care any less, 'people' are gonna assume anyways so, lmao
So well, 'answering' your 'question'. 'Suicidal' isnt the 'word' because it's not that i want to die ""oNlY bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN/rEaSoNs aNd tHeReS aN 'eXpLaNaTiOn' AnD a 'cAuSe' FoR tHaT bUt If It WaSnT fOr ThIs aNd Or tHaT ReAsOn I WoUlDnT wAnT tO dIe"" lmao, so its not that I'll always be "suicidal". I'll ALWAYS (no fcking 'matter' what in general etc) want to/want to want to die/not 'exist' at all and death/eternal absolute plain nothingness/non-existence has always been, is and will always be the ONLY "thing" I'll ever/always want/want to want.
(Ok I 'guess' i can "cHaNgE" and 'become' "iNtErEsTeD" iN 'lIfE'/'tHiNgS' blabla and or whatever tf and all that crap iN tHe 'fUtUrE'/'sOmEdAy' [i hope not lmfao, why tf do i have to. Im 'talking' about the fucking 'possibility' but why do I have to yes or yes uNlesS i DoNt bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN??? i simply just dont fcking want to however tf not 'only' 'life' etcblabla is/can be and no matter what it has/can have/there is/there can be neither how it works/can work neither what it's about/can be about etc, a long etc but literally anything/everything else in general whatever it is, whatever type of whatever tf it is in general etc is/can be etcetc. I literally just couldn't care less lmao] but that DOESNT mean that what ive said is not true and that its """"iMpOsSibLe"""" because it isn't [why tf it has to be ""iMpOsSibLe"" lol], and what's the ""pRoBlEm""??? this shouldn't be a damn obligation. i simply just dont want to 'exist' at all nor 'experience' etc absolutely anything in general at all whatever however it is etc and it's just not because of any damn reason in general at all for fucks sake)
