Discussion will to ctb as elusive

[Eucalyptus72]

Is ctb something that changes in your mind as to whether you can do it? I mean, there's SI. But also just a sense that sometimes you think you can but then realize it's be supervise hard and maybe shucks can't do it.

 

[Iva]

Is ctb something that changes in your mind as to whether you can do it? I mean, there's SI. But also just a sense that sometimes you think you can but then realize it's be supervise hard and maybe shucks can't do it.

yes, and these feelings are perfectly normal. That's why a decision this indefinite requires a lot of planning and you REALLY need to TRULY desire to CTB.
also, depending on your method of choice, some people may find it difficult to inflict pain onto themselves no matter how hard they try or no matter how painful their inner turmoil is. That is also very normal and quite often the case.

 

[ironstar]

Is ctb something that changes in your mind as to whether you can do it? I mean, there's SI. But also just a sense that sometimes you think you can but then realize it's be supervise hard and maybe shucks can't do it.

Honestly, even on my ideal antidepressants I flip-flop between the need to ctb and "maybe it will get better". You'll change your mind a million times before you make a decision that's right for you and that's totally normal. That inner storm for me is awful - I'll be ready to exit and then something beyond my control happens and I might take it as a sign from something I don't believe in that I'm wrong or something for whatever reason doesn't work.

At the end of the day I think the philosophy of "Your body, Your Choice" is most important - Take 10 mins or a day or whatever to think on your choice and remember, help is always available if you want to seek it and you always have the right to change your mind at any stage of anything you do.

My advice is in those moments of doubt, stop and think. If you stop and think then you still have both options available the same as before

 

[Brave_it_Shiru]

Today I reached a timeline and everything I did just froze in time. like "This is how it is to do this for the last time"
And I got so physically sick
And now I cannot sleep...
And I did not eat...
And I cried for help by giving away a lot of my stuff and telling a few people that I'd be travelling sooooon lol...
"SI(???) not so subtle anymore!"

To answer you, no it is just not easy but looks like a quick cop-out/switch from the outside,looking in but we know...

 

[ironstar]

Today I reached a timeline and everything I did just froze in time. like "This is how it is to do this for the last time"
And I got so physically sick
And now I cannot sleep...
And I did not eat...
And I cried for help by giving away a lot of my stuff and telling a few people that I'd be travelling sooooon lol...
"SI(???) not so subtle anymore!"

To answer you, no it is just not easy but looks like a quick cop-out/switch from the outside,looking in but we know...

There is never a "quick cop-out"! Remember, you can always change your mind later ( I still to this day have a method in my cupboard ready to go ). Your friends will give you that stuff back if you tell them that x plans fell through or didn't happen because of y reason, like getting covid so in 3 weeks it's all yours again. Its just like a trip to the arctic - things change and that's ok because things can easily change again and again and again until you're totally sure and even then there could be a blizzard - all decisions can be made again when we're ready (I'm saying this both for you all and myself lol)

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it, actually going through with suicide is something that certainly can be very difficult, so of course even if one has a method planned, fears can easily get in the way of ctb and make the person feel less confident. But I just think that after all, only you know when the time is right to exit this world, I just believe that it's a feeling the person has when they know that they are certain.