Let's say if we all hold out for another 20-30 years, will suicide and euthanasia laws be easier and better than ever? Maybe euthanasia will be legal and more painless methods will be available across the world. This is my dream but I highly doubt I could ever hold out that long.
I hope it never takes that long.
For all the suffering with life, coronavirus, nonsense, and the pointless part of existence (especially in my situation) - it would be an absolute positive to give every person a right to die. To end their own existence and say heeheeeee bye bye, and the world goes on happy and we go wherever it is we do. It is cruel to say that this is all treatable, it's not. We have treated each other like shit and asked why. Well, we all gave up for the reason? There was no reason at all.
People are selfish. For all the money in the world and no money at all, my life and everything about it went out the window thanks to stalkers, liars, thieves, criminals, a poor upbringing (as in low quality) and a bad adulthood where everyone ignored me, lied about me, played stupid little games, and wanted to continue the oppression and pretend like there was all the time in the world and that abuse was justifiable when it wasn't. They call it "recovery" - I call it a waste. Recover from what? Rape, poison, theft, drama, lies, jealousy, and all of those cruel things? An unwanted child, destroyed by a woman who refused to love her own daughter and help her but instead destroyed everything and every last potential. Imagine that. Well, everyone got their wish I guess.
And mine? Ruined.
I wonder why. Here's an idea. Don't scream at your children. If you have them, speak to them and with honesty and kindness, do not expose them to repeated violence and misery. Do not continue the abuse and bribes and interference with progress and healing. It is a cut so deep it will never heal. The words "I love you" - my mother would never say and she would never hug, she'd just scream and be wicked. Wondered why I hated and couldn't forgive her or Matt or anybody else that did this to me? Because they did it out of cruelty and wondered why. Why I couldn't forgive them for ripping my arm out of socket, my hair out of my head, or anything else they did to destroy me and my life. To paint me as this or that. Imagine being screwed with at school, drugged and screamed at and abused at home, every day from the moment you wake up until you sleep, and finally making progress only for someone so mean to destroy it. You know, we should be able to put ourselves down like dogs. People try to be "wise" and say if you want it so bad you'd do it, well make it easily available at any pharmacy and set a timer for when a funeral home or coroner can respond and remove/dispose of the body. Over the age of 18/21.
they call it "mental illness" when a person purposely does all of those things. But what's even worse is when it's directed sadism for entertainment. Never being taken seriously and always being stolen from and screwed with. You know, nothing could change the screams. I'd always ask "are you done yet? Stop screaming" and then she'd only waste 911 and accuse me. Like she did to my sisters and like she did to my father. She was a lunatic. She threw me to lunatics and lied and wondered why I hated her so much and couldn't forgive her. Nice crap, but I asked for a card or a place to live or an education and not repeated oppression… she's dead now, and it doesn't matter, I don't matter, nothing matters, damage done, case closed.
some people just don't have a good life.
so to hell with it. Tomorrow could've been better but it never did get better did it? Just being ignored and oppressed. Oh well.
Me and siarc should've taken that journey together.