T
Tuumii
Worthless trash
- Jan 26, 2020
- 14
10:56AM, 12/20/2020
I'm always told it gets better, but it hasn't for almost the past decade. I always feel like I'm determined and ready to go through with my method, but I then find something to occupy my mind. I had it all planned out, but I had it slip from my psyche for a millisecond, then I cling to anything that will deter me from committing the act, but it doesn't help long-term. It's barely a month, then I'm back to the depths of rock bottom. Practicing methods, writing stories, deciding an exact date. This has been my reality for the past 7 - 8 years. Yet, nothing has gotten better in the slightest, in fact, I've progressively gotten closer and closer to the inevitable with each passing year. At this point, I truly don't believe in that bullshit anymore. I've tried copious amounts of psychiatric treatment since my initial breakdown. Nothing has ever helped in the slightest. I barely get any sleep with how fucked up my brain is. The never-ending voices. The chronic desire to end it all. At this point, it's just a matter of time until I actually go through with it. I hope that one day, I'll finally build the courage to officially end it all. Something I remember to help me through with this is that, I'm only a burden on those who have to put up with my shit, financially, emotionally, mentally an physically. People would only benefit from my death. So, it wouldn't exactly be a terrible thing to do. I am a worthless lifeform in every sense. Truly a spit in the face of existence.
Bree
I'm always told it gets better, but it hasn't for almost the past decade. I always feel like I'm determined and ready to go through with my method, but I then find something to occupy my mind. I had it all planned out, but I had it slip from my psyche for a millisecond, then I cling to anything that will deter me from committing the act, but it doesn't help long-term. It's barely a month, then I'm back to the depths of rock bottom. Practicing methods, writing stories, deciding an exact date. This has been my reality for the past 7 - 8 years. Yet, nothing has gotten better in the slightest, in fact, I've progressively gotten closer and closer to the inevitable with each passing year. At this point, I truly don't believe in that bullshit anymore. I've tried copious amounts of psychiatric treatment since my initial breakdown. Nothing has ever helped in the slightest. I barely get any sleep with how fucked up my brain is. The never-ending voices. The chronic desire to end it all. At this point, it's just a matter of time until I actually go through with it. I hope that one day, I'll finally build the courage to officially end it all. Something I remember to help me through with this is that, I'm only a burden on those who have to put up with my shit, financially, emotionally, mentally an physically. People would only benefit from my death. So, it wouldn't exactly be a terrible thing to do. I am a worthless lifeform in every sense. Truly a spit in the face of existence.
Bree