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Tuumii

Worthless trash
Jan 26, 2020
14
10:56AM, 12/20/2020

I'm always told it gets better, but it hasn't for almost the past decade. I always feel like I'm determined and ready to go through with my method, but I then find something to occupy my mind. I had it all planned out, but I had it slip from my psyche for a millisecond, then I cling to anything that will deter me from committing the act, but it doesn't help long-term. It's barely a month, then I'm back to the depths of rock bottom. Practicing methods, writing stories, deciding an exact date. This has been my reality for the past 7 - 8 years. Yet, nothing has gotten better in the slightest, in fact, I've progressively gotten closer and closer to the inevitable with each passing year. At this point, I truly don't believe in that bullshit anymore. I've tried copious amounts of psychiatric treatment since my initial breakdown. Nothing has ever helped in the slightest. I barely get any sleep with how fucked up my brain is. The never-ending voices. The chronic desire to end it all. At this point, it's just a matter of time until I actually go through with it. I hope that one day, I'll finally build the courage to officially end it all. Something I remember to help me through with this is that, I'm only a burden on those who have to put up with my shit, financially, emotionally, mentally an physically. People would only benefit from my death. So, it wouldn't exactly be a terrible thing to do. I am a worthless lifeform in every sense. Truly a spit in the face of existence.

Bree
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
If I were in my young, pro-lifer and optimist days, I'd tell you that of course life will be better because you can turn your future into something fantastic.

Nevertheless, life for people like us, is no fairy tale. Things will probably only get worse. We get older, if you're sick, you'll be sicker, humanity is becoming dumber even though technology is improving lots, etc.

In other words, life will always suck. At least for me.
 
H

hellodarkness

Member
Dec 8, 2020
92
I think whether or not things "get better" depends really heavily on why you perceive things as not being "okay". For people with chronic pain issues that currently have no real world treatments available- its not going to get better. For people like myself with an incurable and unbearably overwhelming mental illness, it will not be getting better.

However, for people who are going through awful breakups, or live in bad family situations, they have the potential for things to get better. I think it all comes down to whether or not your circumstances have a reasonable expectation of being able to change or not. I hope for people who have short term pain to make it out the other side.
 
issyishere

issyishere

Goodnight and always remember that’s life
Nov 5, 2019
441
It really depends on a case by case basis, like the poster above me said chronic pain may get better but probably not :/ Severe mental illness probably won't unless they completely change their methods of treatment. The people who are suicidal cause they just got dumped or something probably will get better, I know because I was one of those people but now I'm dealing with something far worse. People who are suicidal because of other people but are not suffering from trauma probably will get better if they cut that person out. Those with trauma may or may not. It's like life, no real answers :aw:
 
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M

Mercury6737

Member
Sep 21, 2018
59
Regardless of what we do, we will age. As we age, all of the following are true: we have more responsibilities ("adulting"), less time/fewer opportunities to change, and we get older physically/mentally (more prone to health problems). There's a reason why older people have higher suicide rates than younger people. The next time someone says "life gets better", bring up that last point and see what happens.
 
TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
6,564
I think that life and it's events are of course, big gambles. It can either get better, or (easily) get worse. Everyday one lives is like continuing to roll the dice on life, with death being a certainty as one gets older (disease, illnesses, accidents, tragedies, and more.). There are also temporary (fleeting) pleasures that come and go but those are far and few in between.
 
BitterlyAlive_

BitterlyAlive_

-
Dec 8, 2020
2,394
There are also temporary (fleeting) pleasures that come and go but those are far and few in between.
Unless you have anhedonia, then everything just feels like garbage. You're definitely right though. Is it worth living on the off chance that things "get better"? I think that really depends on how you view life as a whole.
 
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torimandy

torimandy

Fear is the mind killer
Aug 3, 2020
146
It has been 10 years now. Every time I try to make it better or seek to make it better I end up worse off than I was before. Life is nothing but a shit show of insults and misconceptions for me now, It's the reason I am here. Could it get better? Sure, but not without a partner in life to help begin to replace the family I lost.
 
S

SuicidallyCurious

Enlightened
Dec 20, 2020
1,721
This is advice that is repeated often but life is indeed up and down. Unless you are really anhedonic or living in very very bad circumstances there will be things that you enjoy and days where you feel like you want to CTB. As i went through life I often learned it was the small positive things that counted and not dreams of some kind of grandiosity that the corporate media and other social structures try to knock into you. You eventually reach a point where you can just be happy that the mcdonalds continues to show up and that you weren't the victim of todays latest mass shooting (US commentator here).
 
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torimandy

torimandy

Fear is the mind killer
Aug 3, 2020
146
This is advice that is repeated often but life is indeed up and down. Unless you are really anhedonic or living in very very bad circumstances there will be things that you enjoy and days where you feel like you want to CTB. As i went through life I often learned it was the small positive things that counted and not dreams of some kind of grandiosity that the corporate media and other social structures try to knock into you. You eventually reach a point where you can just be happy that the mcdonalds continues to show up and that you weren't the victim of todays latest mass shooting (US commentator here).
Seriously? Most of us would give anything to be a victim in a mass shooting. That removes all the stress of having to do it yourself. That is such a pro life statement that I almost reported it.
 
S

SuicidallyCurious

Enlightened
Dec 20, 2020
1,721
Seriously? Most of us would give anything to be a victim in a mass shooting. That removes all the stress of having to do it yourself. That is such a pro life statement that I almost reported it.
No its not true because most people in mass shootings don't actually die. Take columbine the main one everybody knows less than half of them died, and then even if you do get shot dead you're gonna look like a massacre at your funeral.. not good...
 
symphonyofthenight

symphonyofthenight

Member
Dec 17, 2020
35
Every time that I've held on for it to "get better" it either doesn't or it does - only to sweep my legs out from under me again a short while later. It's like constantly being slammed down to the ground by waves and people keep telling me to get up. "The waves will get better" people say, but it's getting to be more like a tsunami every time and I'm tired of trying to keep my head above water.

I think you have to be incredibly lucky for life to "get better".
 
Amumu

Amumu

Ctb - temporary solution for a permanent problem
Aug 29, 2020
2,626
You can't know, it's all about probabilities and randomness. It's your job to calculate if you're more likely to get better or not.
 
Merlay

Merlay

you need to die if you want to go to heaven
Oct 24, 2020
32
I can choose to be happy or not. I can choose to be compassionate or not. I can choose to get better or not. Life is a never-ending series of making a choice. I want to get better, but some people make it hard for me to get better. I understand that they're just trying to help the way they know how to help. But the more I talk, I feel like the more they want me to conceal myself, the more they want to isolate me inside a box and wrapped it up with tape. I am the problem.

I guess, to want to get better or not, you have to know yourself. It depends on how you value yourself, if you feel like you deserve the misery and suffering, or you deserve to be better and more.
 
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Superdeterminist

Superdeterminist

Enlightened
Apr 5, 2020
1,783
As for the title question, there's no way to answer yes or no definitively, because life is just too complex. It's hard to really define "better" and even if we narrow down a definition for it, there'd still be no way to surely predict whether you will or won't achieve this "better". Reading your story, I relate a lot. I ask myself often if it's even worth sticking it out for the (likely) tiny chance that I'll suddenly experience some kind of miraculous awakening and everything will change. It's possible and it happens to some people (per their testimonies), but the fact that it's not guaranteed I find to be a serious problem, and like you I have years behind me which were spent mostly in despair, and I wonder if anything can really make up for them at this point.
 
K

killbob

Member
Dec 18, 2020
7
Every time that I've held on for it to "get better" it either doesn't or it does - only to sweep my legs out from under me again a short while later. It's like constantly being slammed down to the ground by waves and people keep telling me to get up. "The waves will get better" people say, but it's getting to be more like a tsunami every time and I'm tired of trying to keep my head above water.

I think you have to be incredibly lucky for life to "get better".
You sound like you have read my thoughts. You have very succinctly expressed what I have felt for so long. It feels harder to get up each time I get knocked down and I get so tired of it. I want to say it will get better for you and I believe it will but I know that anytime someone has told me that it just made me feel like they understood me even less. Whether you are knocked down for a day or a year it feels like an eternity until it stops hurting. I don't know you but just reading what you have posted in the last few days makes me want to sacrifice myself to stop you from hurting. I don't take my own advice but I hope you would. I know how dumb that sounds. You did get up before and your life changed when you met this person and as much as it hurts to keep getting up I hope you do and that you find what you lost. I have paid to send other people in our situation to ketamine treatment and even being as skeptical as me they found it worked immediately. I doubted it right up until the needle went in. If you spend $400 the worst thing that can happen is you get an awesome high and will be less anxious before you CTB.
 
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OrdinaryDay

OrdinaryDay

Hollow
Dec 6, 2019
157
I don't know man.. maybe it will.. maybe it won't. But sooner or later I will come to a point where I won't care anymore and I know this for a fact.
 
262653

262653

Cluesome
Apr 5, 2018
1,733
The thing about "it gets better" argument is it's ambiguous. It can mean at least two things.
One is it will be better in some way for someone for an undefined period of time, which is entirely plausible but definitely not cogent (it doesn't sound like a convincing argument in favor of staying alive for a particular individual).
Two: from now and until your last days, your life will be good enough to be worth experiencing for you. The argument is cogent but it doesn't strike me as plausible since one would have to be to see the distant future and overall well-being of a particular individual, and I don't have faith in diviners.

The trap: cogency and plausibility might appear to be properties of the same argument, when in fact they're not. I don't think the trap is usually set on purpose though. Looks more like a half-assed argument that appears to be appealing if left unexamined.
 
J

JustLosingMyself

Mage
Sep 4, 2018
544
The thing about "it gets better" argument is it's ambiguous. It can mean at least two things.
One is it will be better in some way for someone for an undefined period of time, which is entirely plausible but definitely not cogent (it doesn't sound like a convincing argument in favor of staying alive for a particular individual).
Two: from now and until your last days, your life will be good enough to be worth experiencing for you. The argument is cogent but it doesn't strike me as plausible since one would have to be to see the distant future and overall well-being of a particular individual, and I don't have faith in diviners.

The trap: cogency and plausibility might appear to be properties of the same argument, when in fact they're not. I don't think the trap is usually set on purpose though. Looks more like a half-assed argument that appears to be appealing if left unexamined.
You could argue it's summed up with ''this too shall pass''.
 

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