GTNHisLOVE
Lowlife Pianist
- Mar 10, 2024
- 42
Hi there :) I just wanted to share my recovery story because I don't really have anybody to talk to (about this at least).
My depression fucked with me in many ways. In hindsight, it felt like some parts of my brain just started to rot, making fucked up, dangerous and self destructive thoughts look normal. Especially the "self-destructive" part started to play a huge role in my life. I heard about SH and for what ever reason decided, it was normal for me to try. Sadly, that crippled my brain even more and now SH was a normal thing to me. While riding the "high" of fucking up my body, an ED slowly but surely creeped right into my rotting brainfolds.
This little branch of brainrot, working its way through my brain, ended up getting the best of me. One day, my body started rejecting food. My god this sounds so surreal in hindsight. I couldn't eat anymore and the nausea was unbearable. Somehow, a healthy neuron fired in my brain and I got help.
I went to the doctor and said: "I'm severely underweight, I want to gain weight." That was the only sentence I spoke (Besides Hello and Thank you of course). I was so scared he would see right through my facade and send me to an institution. But he prescribed me an antidepressant without any other questions, as this specific one has the side effect, that hunger and appetite would be through the roof while taking it regularly. The first 4 days I started taking the pills, I slept 15 hours, but I gained 15kg in the last 4 months, almost back to the normal weight for my age and body type. And before I realized it, all the "brainrot" and self destructive/suicidal thoughts faded away. SH doesn't spark any interest anymore, I barely think about my scars and don't notice them. I found my love for eating again as well! I didn't plan for this at all. All I wanted was to gain at least a little weight to be functional again.
It sounds so crazy that, just taking a little pill every time before bed basically "healed" me? I just think I got incredibly lucky and the antidepressants actually did its job.
I know that my story is just my individual experience and that everybody is different. But I also know that at least some of you, struggling out there, have at least a few moments of clarity, even though they are buried deep in depression. Use those moments. Take action. I know some of you thought about getting better at least once. As soon as you have clarity, make an appointment and try getting professional help. You won't automatically be institutionalized, you won't be seen as crazy.
Thank you so much for taking your time reading this. I hope your life will bloom again like mine did. It can, and it will! :D
My depression fucked with me in many ways. In hindsight, it felt like some parts of my brain just started to rot, making fucked up, dangerous and self destructive thoughts look normal. Especially the "self-destructive" part started to play a huge role in my life. I heard about SH and for what ever reason decided, it was normal for me to try. Sadly, that crippled my brain even more and now SH was a normal thing to me. While riding the "high" of fucking up my body, an ED slowly but surely creeped right into my rotting brainfolds.
This little branch of brainrot, working its way through my brain, ended up getting the best of me. One day, my body started rejecting food. My god this sounds so surreal in hindsight. I couldn't eat anymore and the nausea was unbearable. Somehow, a healthy neuron fired in my brain and I got help.
I went to the doctor and said: "I'm severely underweight, I want to gain weight." That was the only sentence I spoke (Besides Hello and Thank you of course). I was so scared he would see right through my facade and send me to an institution. But he prescribed me an antidepressant without any other questions, as this specific one has the side effect, that hunger and appetite would be through the roof while taking it regularly. The first 4 days I started taking the pills, I slept 15 hours, but I gained 15kg in the last 4 months, almost back to the normal weight for my age and body type. And before I realized it, all the "brainrot" and self destructive/suicidal thoughts faded away. SH doesn't spark any interest anymore, I barely think about my scars and don't notice them. I found my love for eating again as well! I didn't plan for this at all. All I wanted was to gain at least a little weight to be functional again.
It sounds so crazy that, just taking a little pill every time before bed basically "healed" me? I just think I got incredibly lucky and the antidepressants actually did its job.
I know that my story is just my individual experience and that everybody is different. But I also know that at least some of you, struggling out there, have at least a few moments of clarity, even though they are buried deep in depression. Use those moments. Take action. I know some of you thought about getting better at least once. As soon as you have clarity, make an appointment and try getting professional help. You won't automatically be institutionalized, you won't be seen as crazy.
Thank you so much for taking your time reading this. I hope your life will bloom again like mine did. It can, and it will! :D
