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Will/Have you set a CTB date?
Thread starterZeroM24
Start date
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I don't have a specific date in mind but I know that I cannot until at least May of next year. It feels like an eternity having to wait and I'm scared the anxiety of it all could become too much. But once I reach a certain day in May I'm just going to wait until the time feels right - I think if I picked a day it would just be too hard
I thought about doing it many times, but when the day actually comes I notice I am just too much of a coward to actually do it, altough I want. I hate myself so much for being even too useless to kill myself properly.
Everyday when I wake up I take minutes to actually have the power to stand up from bed cause I just want to lay and die, but then I try to set a date and still cant do it...fuck this stupid survival instinct bullshit!
My ctb date is tomorrow morning at 3 a.m. Hopefully, I can go through with it because I think I'm ready. Also, I completely understand how you feel. There were so many times I backed out of my attempts because of the fear of death and the unknown of what comes after. I'd always end up feeling so upset with myself, thinking I was a coward, especially knowing that so many others could do it without hesitation. Recently, though, I've come to accept that no one, including me, really knows what happens after death: we won't truly know until it happens. That said, I think it's finally my time to end it all. Everything in my life has gone wrong, and this feels like my only sense of escape. If I do go through with it, I wish you the best of luck.
I hope you find the peace you're searching for, whether it comes through life or death :)
Reactions:
ItsyBitsyWeetard, dontlook and SteamaHorns
If things don't brighten up for me in a meaningful way within my self-allotted time, then I'll go through with my plan as soon as possible next year. Ideally I'll be able to do it right after New Years, but realistically I know that it'll probably take a bit more time. I'll probably feel scared once it comes to it, but for some reason don't really feel any sort of fear of the coming day during the past few months. Maybe my mind is just incapable of really processing the fact that I may die soon, or maybe I'm subconsciously ignoring it, I don't really know.
I don't currently have one and the thought of having one stresses me out. It feels like another deadline.
That being set, I'd prolly do it sometime during winter/cold weather if I'm using CO/charcoals because heat. I'd prolly have to have a date closer to when I'd need to do it since it'd be a whole outing prolly
I don't have a date set. I'm still trying to wrestle with myself and whether or not I should actually commit. I'm not sure if a date would help me relax or just stress me out more, but I'm leaning towards the latter.
My ctb date is tomorrow morning at 3 a.m. Hopefully, I can go through with it because I think I'm ready. Also, I completely understand how you feel. There were so many times I backed out of my attempts because of the fear of death and the unknown of what comes after. I'd always end up feeling so upset with myself, thinking I was a coward, especially knowing that so many others could do it without hesitation. Recently, though, I've come to accept that no one, including me, really knows what happens after death: we won't truly know until it happens. That said, I think it's finally my time to end it all. Everything in my life has gone wrong, and this feels like my only sense of escape. If I do go through with it, I wish you the best of luck.
I hope you find the peace you're searching for, whether it comes through life or death :)
I don't have a date set. I'm still trying to wrestle with myself and whether or not I should actually commit. I'm not sure if a date would help me relax or just stress me out more, but I'm leaning towards the latter.
Ah, will you be making a goodbye/attempt post? Is that soon? For my time zone that's a little over 3 hours away.
I hope you find what you're looking for either way
I've been thinking about it, but in case something goes wrong or it gets postponed, I don't want to make a fool of myself if it ends up being a failed attempt. I'll still consider it, though. For me, it's just a little over 4 hours until I plan to go.
I want to do it ideally before Christmas so I don't have to spend the holidays alone again. I wanted to do it earlier, around December 1st, but I don't think my sn will arrive on time. If it does, I plan to do it as soon as I get my hands on it.
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