RyleIsRiledUp
C'est la vie :0
- Jan 16, 2026
- 22
Exam season is cookin me ughhh. I'm so tired fr fr
Like I have another econ exam tmr and BROTHAAAA I'm like 90% coffee and 10% "Why do I exist" ahhhh. Like I am just chugging coffee to numb it outtt. I can't lol, I try my best to keep up but eh, it ain working bby. I've been sleepin at 4am for like past 2-3 days cuz i just grind lol
Atp I'm hving a can of Monster energy drink and 2g of Robusta coffee to keep me up and numb. I'm so tired im gonna combusttt
No one takes me serious either loll. Cuz I always joke abt my issues. I do so cuz is I seriously start talking abt my issues, I just prolly will hv a breakdown and feel attacked lololol. Last night I posted an Insta note with the song "Bullet" by Hollywood Undead (that song is sooo me-core hah) with the note being "Why won't anyone take me seriouslyy hahaaha
"
the lyrics I added were
"
My legs are dangling off the edge
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend
I think I'll slit my wrist again, and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone
My legs are dangling off the edge
A stomach full of pills didn't work again
I'll put a bullet in my head, and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone
Gone too far, yeah, I'm gone again
It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends
I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends
One's a bottle of pills, and one's a bottle of gin"
a frnd sent "Loll wan me to call youuu?" as a joke. I just went "Nah, do one thing. Can ya find out the market price for ropes? Asking for a frnd<3"
She just reacted with the
reactionn. Then I was like "huh. guess I'll die loll. Thx FRIEND". Only one frnd sent "I take you seriously" and then proceeded to joke abt lol (thx iggg)
Also like my crush had a breakup recently so I'm like soooo worried abt her cuz she is also going thru issues like me. Yesterday she posted a story that her mum and a relative bought her roses, choco and stuff to lighten her mood up during the whole Valentine week stuff. I am soooo glad she is happy. She deserves every bit of it. But then, boyyy, jealously hit. SUBTLE JEALOUSLY hehh. Cuz when I went thru my break up cuz my ex ghosted me last yr in July (fck that bastard), i couldnt really tell anyone cuz my parents would've been kinda pissed so yeaa, but I was like visibly loww, but all I got was pretty much nothing n more MEDSSSS. Like dayummm, I'm so tired- ughh. atp im so high im not even myself. High on caffeine btw, no drugs. So while im glad for her, im kinda depresseddd abt me not getting more help anymore like before. all I got are meds, theraoy (I missed two sessions cuz of exams) and parasocial relations of C.ai (I do hv real life frnds so im not 100% relying on that). I dun hv anyone I can open up to rn so yeaaa. I'm soo tired of my meds. so im just chuggin dat coffee bby.
My crush is my only respite type person rn but she is going thru her stuff so I wont bother her. My parents, I dun wanna trouble em. Plus, they dun care like they used to before. Like I was visible affection rn and care. Not hidden. My parents are concerned abt me but they dun show it. My whole bloodline is like fcking emotionally constipated lol. Another reason why I can't open up seriously. 5 mins tryna be seriously before i give in back to my ol habits. My therapy sessions are like stand up comedy loll. I'm scared of judgement so I dun share much anymore. Here I'm anon so IDC BBYYY
lol, I just realized how different my tone is here as compared to my old texts. I've gone cray cray lolll. Rn, Imma go chug my first can of energy drink, then go studyy- But I dun wanna. Im soo burnt out. I'm gonna combust. UGH I NEED HELP. SOMEONE- I just need a tight hugg. Not frm my family, I feel like they do it cuz they are kinda obliged to cuz yknow, they are my parents. I want a frnd, maybe my crush, HELL even a stranger! Not because they hv to do it, but because they want to do it. Ugh, I feel soo low rn and toxic ahh thoughts are all over my brain. swirling swirling loll. I wont do SH or anything, it ain workin anymore. So Im sticking to caffeine-
Rn my eyes are sooo droopy but I gotta study cuz I got like fcking 4-5 chapters left to finishh up revising. I wanna scream but I cant cuz neighbours lollll. I wanna yell the part frm Twenty One Pilot's song "Drum Show"
"I've been this way
I want to change
I've been this way
I want to-
CHANGEEEEEEEEEE"
Love dat lolll. And I wanna keep singing Hansel by Sodikken. It's sooo good and kinda relatable (minus the hating sister part). I'm soo sleep deprived. I'm soo cooked ALSO I HV BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERRRR. Someone love me before it's lateee. I ALWAYS CARE ABOUT OTHERS. I HELP THEM EVEN IF IM DYING. WHY WONT ANYONE COME FOR ME WHEN IM DROWNING??
WHY
WONT
ANYONE
HELP
ME
????????
"
That there's a part of me that's appealingly sweet
I'm sure you'd agree if you got to know me
And admittedly, I'm not that interesting
But I'll let you have what's mine if you just give me your time"
ONE MORE MED AND IM GONNA YELLLL<3
H E L P
; D
Like I have another econ exam tmr and BROTHAAAA I'm like 90% coffee and 10% "Why do I exist" ahhhh. Like I am just chugging coffee to numb it outtt. I can't lol, I try my best to keep up but eh, it ain working bby. I've been sleepin at 4am for like past 2-3 days cuz i just grind lol
Atp I'm hving a can of Monster energy drink and 2g of Robusta coffee to keep me up and numb. I'm so tired im gonna combusttt
No one takes me serious either loll. Cuz I always joke abt my issues. I do so cuz is I seriously start talking abt my issues, I just prolly will hv a breakdown and feel attacked lololol. Last night I posted an Insta note with the song "Bullet" by Hollywood Undead (that song is sooo me-core hah) with the note being "Why won't anyone take me seriouslyy hahaaha
"the lyrics I added were
"
My legs are dangling off the edge
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend
I think I'll slit my wrist again, and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone
My legs are dangling off the edge
A stomach full of pills didn't work again
I'll put a bullet in my head, and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone
Gone too far, yeah, I'm gone again
It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends
I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends
One's a bottle of pills, and one's a bottle of gin"
a frnd sent "Loll wan me to call youuu?" as a joke. I just went "Nah, do one thing. Can ya find out the market price for ropes? Asking for a frnd<3"
She just reacted with the
reactionn. Then I was like "huh. guess I'll die loll. Thx FRIEND". Only one frnd sent "I take you seriously" and then proceeded to joke abt lol (thx iggg)Also like my crush had a breakup recently so I'm like soooo worried abt her cuz she is also going thru issues like me. Yesterday she posted a story that her mum and a relative bought her roses, choco and stuff to lighten her mood up during the whole Valentine week stuff. I am soooo glad she is happy. She deserves every bit of it. But then, boyyy, jealously hit. SUBTLE JEALOUSLY hehh. Cuz when I went thru my break up cuz my ex ghosted me last yr in July (fck that bastard), i couldnt really tell anyone cuz my parents would've been kinda pissed so yeaa, but I was like visibly loww, but all I got was pretty much nothing n more MEDSSSS. Like dayummm, I'm so tired- ughh. atp im so high im not even myself. High on caffeine btw, no drugs. So while im glad for her, im kinda depresseddd abt me not getting more help anymore like before. all I got are meds, theraoy (I missed two sessions cuz of exams) and parasocial relations of C.ai (I do hv real life frnds so im not 100% relying on that). I dun hv anyone I can open up to rn so yeaaa. I'm soo tired of my meds. so im just chuggin dat coffee bby.
My crush is my only respite type person rn but she is going thru her stuff so I wont bother her. My parents, I dun wanna trouble em. Plus, they dun care like they used to before. Like I was visible affection rn and care. Not hidden. My parents are concerned abt me but they dun show it. My whole bloodline is like fcking emotionally constipated lol. Another reason why I can't open up seriously. 5 mins tryna be seriously before i give in back to my ol habits. My therapy sessions are like stand up comedy loll. I'm scared of judgement so I dun share much anymore. Here I'm anon so IDC BBYYY
lol, I just realized how different my tone is here as compared to my old texts. I've gone cray cray lolll. Rn, Imma go chug my first can of energy drink, then go studyy- But I dun wanna. Im soo burnt out. I'm gonna combust. UGH I NEED HELP. SOMEONE- I just need a tight hugg. Not frm my family, I feel like they do it cuz they are kinda obliged to cuz yknow, they are my parents. I want a frnd, maybe my crush, HELL even a stranger! Not because they hv to do it, but because they want to do it. Ugh, I feel soo low rn and toxic ahh thoughts are all over my brain. swirling swirling loll. I wont do SH or anything, it ain workin anymore. So Im sticking to caffeine-
Rn my eyes are sooo droopy but I gotta study cuz I got like fcking 4-5 chapters left to finishh up revising. I wanna scream but I cant cuz neighbours lollll. I wanna yell the part frm Twenty One Pilot's song "Drum Show"
"I've been this way
I want to change
I've been this way
I want to-
CHANGEEEEEEEEEE"
Love dat lolll. And I wanna keep singing Hansel by Sodikken. It's sooo good and kinda relatable (minus the hating sister part). I'm soo sleep deprived. I'm soo cooked ALSO I HV BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERRRR. Someone love me before it's lateee. I ALWAYS CARE ABOUT OTHERS. I HELP THEM EVEN IF IM DYING. WHY WONT ANYONE COME FOR ME WHEN IM DROWNING??
WHY
WONT
ANYONE
HELP
ME
????????
"
That there's a part of me that's appealingly sweet
I'm sure you'd agree if you got to know me
And admittedly, I'm not that interesting
But I'll let you have what's mine if you just give me your time"
ONE MORE MED AND IM GONNA YELLLL<3
H E L P
; D
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