why?

[roseleaf]

ok ok ok im asking what is your reason for ctb. it doesn't need to be super detailed only if you want to and you dont have to talk about it.

i was more interested in the main reason like a mental disorder or family or a disability, etc. also why are you still hanging around

 

[whywere]

Howdy!

I am pretty much a open book, no wonder SS is the only site that I have or will ever be on, I trust everyone here so much.

I recently have found out that my ancestry is littered with folks who have killed themselves and been locked up for life. So, for me, I truly think that a large part is heredity in nature. Couple that with having an ex-wife who had a HUGE gambling problem and drained everything in the bank that she could get her hands on spells a recipe for disaster.

I have had 2 attempts and the second one had me in front of a judge where I had to fight tooth and nail not to get long term committed. That is why, with chronic pain from a car crash, car crash NOT my fault, I have looked into a VAD. (Volunteer assisted death)..ie youth Enasia program in another country since I live in the U.S.

With that said, hugs and love to everyone here on SS.

Walter

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I guess I've just lived long enough, am completely alone, see nothing good coming my way in the future, except diseases and other aging-type ailments. I don't want to have something happen to me, like a heart attack or stroke, and find myself living in a nursing home being spoon-fed and having my ass wiped by someone else and then on top of that have no one at all to even come and visit me. Nope. I have to go before that happens.

 

[archiemex]

i feel so empty and dead inside. i dont know why and it seems like nothing can fix this feeling its not even like my life itself is that depressing. i have good friends, an ok job, and an ok gf and family. i just feel stuck ig i have such a mediocre life it sucks, it feels like its going nowhere ik this seems like a stupid reason compared to others :(

 

[Zegers]

- Physical disability (all that it entails)
- Poor mental health
- Money going down and i won't go back to poverty
- No fam/social net support
- Tired of human itself

 

[exhaustedperfection]

Too many tragedies have occured in my life and now I am simply too tired to continue going forwards further than what I consider necessary. I stay in order to ensure that my close family and friends are well-off, I hope to spare them from any more future misfortune before I distance myself and make my final decision.

 

[gatzby128]

I am sick of humans. We, as a collective, seem incapable of making altruistic choices...

Instead the individual ego rules; we're subjected to unchecked pride, power, greed, and corruption.

No one even realizes that none of that stuff really matters - we are but a spec in the space and time of this amazing universe...

I no longer want to be a cog in the system.

Despite having an incredibly blessed life, which I do, (loving family, best dog, comfortable home, most importantly a perfect husband), I can't justify being a "burden", so I want to CTB.

Still here because I agreed to stay for the next 2 years (long story)

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

I can't stand the severe depression, messing up all my friendship and relationships because I'm not in control of my brain or body. I'm never able to understand anyone and they can't understand me, how my mind works. I'm a burden on my family, haven't gone to college and don't have any plans for the future. Everyday I wish I wasn't here. My parents berate me everyday and sometimes tell me to my face that I need to stop relying on them. Also have trauma that will forever be unresolved. I have tried to go through therapy, medication and doctors but none of those helped, so don't think recovery is possible for me, whatever recovery is.

So, my stupid brain and family reasons, also financial.

 

[sheleftme1]

Losing love… she doesn't love me and without her life isn't worth living to me

 

[ollo]

ok ok ok im asking what is your reason for ctb. it doesn't need to be super detailed only if you want to and you dont have to talk about it.

i was more interested in the main reason like a mental disorder or family or a disability, etc. also why are you still hanging around

I'm dumb and stupid. Don't have resources to die in peqce

 

[Waxeye6661]

A month ago I was diagnosed with MND in particular ALS at 68 years old..
probably one of the worst diseases you can get you become a head on a stick, I would prefer cancer to this.

I'm racing against the clock to get all the materials and equipment together before I can no longer use my legs and become bedridden.
I have chosen the exit bag method with carotid compression as a backup plan

I'm using voice to text so forgive my formatting

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally despise existing, there's no benefit to something so dreadful and pointless, I would always prefer to be finally free from all suffering as slowly deteriorating from age could never be something that is appealing to me. I just think that wanting suicide makes so much sense in this hellish world where there's unlimited potential to suffer, to me suicide is self care as it solves every problem and returns one to the ideal state of non-existence where everything is finally forgotten about.

Existing is replusive, I could never be delusional enough to actually wish to be trapped here where we are destined for nothing but to be tormented by old age. But what keeps me here is the fact that suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult in this world and there are risks and complications involved in trying to die, this is the unfortunate consequence of existing in this anti suicide society where there's a lack of acceptance towards our right to die. I hate how suicide is so difficult in this horrible world, it's such a cruel punishment how we were forced here yet cannot just free ourselves from all the suffering in peace.

 

[NoReasonToLive2023]

Everything I have ever tried to do has ended in complete failure. I am jobless, I live alone in a very badly deprived area, all because I put all my trust into a woman who I now believe set out to hurt me from the beginning.

I am totally worthless and I don't want any more suffering.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Abused as a child.
Clinically depressed since age 6.
Suffering an existential crisis.
I'm an old bastard, ( 59 )
I'm saving up for a trip to Mexico,
My final destination.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I guess I've just lived long enough, am completely alone, see nothing good coming my way in the future, except diseases and other aging-type ailments. I don't want to have something happen to me, like a heart attack or stroke, and find myself living in a nursing home being spoon-fed and having my ass wiped by someone else and then on top of that have no one at all to even come and visit me. Nope. I have to go before that happens.

ok ok ok im asking what is your reason for ctb. it doesn't need to be super detailed only if you want to and you dont have to talk about it.

i was more interested in the main reason like a mental disorder or family or a disability, etc. also why are you still hanging around

I have hundreds of reasons. But one is because non-existence to me is much better than life. life is an imposition prison torture slavery where extreme pain that is unimaginable is highly probable. And because non-existence is the ultimate bliss never having any possiblity of pain , suffering problems nothing bad . i hate this evil world and life is evil. It's horrific having a consciousness grow be programmed to accept being trapped in an animal body that is trillion of monstrous cells. that's all a human is the eukaryotic cell multiplied by 30 trillion. The eukaryotic cell evolved 1.8 billion years ago and is identical in all animals.

I have the golden bus ticket in my hand, the elixir of eternal bliss the ticket to non-existence .

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Physical and mental illnesses that are severe and put me within the disability category.

Being below the fucking poverty line without much support and with the little support I have comes immense shame & guilt & worry.

Just lacking the supports systems that people with disabilities need to survive AND thirive.

My whole life is just not up to like my standards at all and honestly the worst part/what drives me to suicide is that I lack the ability to change it.

Im fucking relying on the good will of others to even buy myself some of the things I need rn. Like what the fuck kinda life is that.

 

[BirdNamedRose]

Well I've been poor all my life, abused from a young age, made a series of bad decision's because I'm gullible AF like taking a drink from a stranger (it was spiked), getting assaulted as a result of the last poor choice I made, and catching something from said experience.

Had an amazing job which I blew by accidently loosing my temper, then on the same day my boyfriend who've I spent 5 years together broke up with me causing my first attempt at CTB back in October. He was really the only thing holding me together.

And since then I've been working at the first and only place that was willing to hire me due to desperation and I'm barely making it by. Already 26 and I've been trying to escape this dead end town since high school. But every time I just seem to have escaped for good something happens for force me back.

Screwed up college due to getting bullied and dropping out, and I've worked so many places I've lost count, this recent job I've had is the longest I've ever held but it pays bare minimum. Oh and all the mental issues I have which only seem to get worse and worse as time goes on.

I've tried therapy and I know my family cares but I'm so tired and it's the type sleep can't fix. I just don't want to be alone right now

 

[dannie58]

Two reasons: irreversible illness and excruciating physical pain. Otherwise, I have a beautiful life, wonderful spouse, and everything to live for. But they don't understand the daily suffering.

 

[oh_no191]

My dad doesn't love me. Which isn't uncommon and it's honestly not that big of a deal to some but to me it's everything. I love my dad I do but I also hate him with every bone in my body. All the abuse he's put me through and STILL putting me through. He's made my bpd/npd. I even inherited his stupid mental disorders. I'm just like him and I don't want another him to go out into the world. So I'm choosing to die to escape all this pain he's caused.

 

[BirdNamedRose]

My dad doesn't love me. Which isn't uncommon and it's honestly not that big of a deal to some but to me it's everything. I love my dad I do but I also hate him with every bone in my body. All the abuse he's put me through and STILL putting me through. He's made my bpd/npd. I even inherited his stupid mental disorders. I'm just like him and I don't want another him to go out into the world. So I'm choosing to die to escape all this pain he's caused.

Same my father put me and my sisters through hell growing up, he's a changed man now and i get along pretty well with him but if it werent for all the things his drinking put us through none of us would be as F' ed up or in tharapy. It worries me what'll happen to my sisters if i were to ever actually CTB because i dont want them to. They've always been there for me but i feel like i cant talk to them about this. Just not good with words

 

[outrider567]

A month ago I was diagnosed with MND in particular ALS at 68 years old..
probably one of the worst diseases you can get you become a head on a stick, I would prefer cancer to this.

I'm racing against the clock to get all the materials and equipment together before I can no longer use my legs and become bedridden.
I have chosen the exit bag method with carotid compression as a backup plan

I'm using voice to text so forgive my formatting

Extremely sorry to hear this, I wish you the best, a guy I played Little League with as a kid was diagnosed at age 45 back in 1999, he had three little daughters

 

[deranged]

many different reasons but none that I can quite pin it on, my suicide thoughts started at 5 years old, I guess I just wasn't meant to be.

 

[roseleaf]

many different reasons but none that I can quite pin it on, my suicide thoughts started at 5 years old, I guess I just wasn't meant to be.

woo i sort of have the same story

thanks for sharing <3

 

[outrider567]

A month ago I was diagnosed with MND in particular ALS at 68 years old..
probably one of the worst diseases you can get you become a head on a stick, I would prefer cancer to this.

I'm racing against the clock to get all the materials and equipment together before I can no longer use my legs and become bedridden.
I have chosen the exit bag method with carotid compression as a backup plan

I'm using voice to text so forgive my formatting

Waxeye, we're the same age, may I ask you what your first symptoms were?

 

[S u i c i d e]

I want to kill myself because I miss my friends who killed themselves too, but that's just one of many reasons.

 

[Waxeye6661]

Waxeye, we're the same age, may I ask you what your first symptoms were?

hi
2 years ago I happen to mention to my doctor that I couldn't move my finger independently and then a year later I noticed weakness in my legs which I put down to lack of exercise but no amount of exercise would strength them.
I started using a cane to keep my back straight and at the moment I'm using a walker to get around the house and my hands are almost completely useless.

 

[Bigsmoke777]

Permanent mental conditions that make me a piece of shit. Lifelong unbearable shame and pain. Constantly making a fool out of myself by existing and being really stupid. Not having the mental or emotional capacity to function or live a life that's good for anyone around me or myself. Being delusional. I cant trust my thoughts, opinions, feelings. I cant trust myself to talk to anyone and not be a retard. It fails every time. If you look like a duck and talk like a duck, maybe you're a duck, but in my case, a retarded bitch. Poverty, and the inability to live a life I wanted to live when I did want to live. Getting progressively worse where I'm just a parasite at this point, so I'm worse than worthless. I contribute nothing but concern and discomfort for myself constantly and others, but I take to keep being alive, to just exist a horrible, ugly, idiot. The inability to process love at all, so I cant feel love at all. I decided it didnt exist when I was 10 and suicidal and I really just felt that way looking around. Having had relationships with loyal people who would reassure me until the end of time doesnt fix a permanent, horrible condition. It unfortunately doesnt give someone the emotional or mental capacity for things they were never able to accomplish. It's being limited and deficient in any of my capabilities, and being a stupid monster. I blame my parents for isolating me in a poverty den of hating one another, never looking out for one another, hoping people fail, etc. I was always terrified and confused because of both of them. I've been very lucky and I've been loved in relationships, and I still am, so I know my ungrateful brain and heart can not process that and not be a toxic bitch that would be horrible for anyone, because I've proven it, looking back at any of my relationships. I'm mentally and emotionally abusive like the limited influences I had, and I never even seen myself until I knew I had to be fr about CTB, which is the worst part, except for the even worse part, which is that I cant do better than intolerable

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

Cause I'm a fuckup.

 

[SoftWorries]

CPTSD. Everything that caused it + living within it

 

[NoLightRemains]

I'm too disabled to work and it's depressing. I deal with chronic headaches/migraines and fatigue. I've also been suicidal/mentally ill for a good chunk of my life, the physical ailments were kinda just the last straw. Been sticking around because I had some hope my situation would improve, but it's been like 2.5 years and it will never be the same.
I just don't really see a way out besides relying on my family for financial support forever and I don't want to go that route.