Venting Why? Thinking of doing it

[drag201]

I have rope around my neck now thinking of setting myself free from life. I would have more than enough time until i'm found. Regardless.
I wish it didn't have to be this way. I help people, old friends, family, anyone. I lend a hand and help people get up, I would waste hours of sleep, time and energy just to make sure somebody is ok. I love and appreciate, I acknowledge when I'm right and wrong. I made mistakes here and there but despite everything I stay true to my essence. People don't care about me. I am the last they call to have fun, if they even call at all. Not even text
My girlfriend does not understand the severity of my situation. I know somebody might be thinking I have a girlfriend so I'm not alone but I feel as suicidal and as a victim as ever. I want to be kind until my last breath despite all this but I know people wont bother even uttering my name until I am hospitalized for attempt or succeeed. God has been my only friend for years. I want to sleep with this rope as a reminder that the option is there. I could do it! I know so much about partial and attempted the sweet spot many times before.

 

[.idiot]

I know you are likely gonna be very much against this given you say you are insistent on being kind to the point of losing sleep, but if you do reach a point where you are about to do it, please try giving being more selfish a try first.

Tell people off. Don't act nice to those who don't care for you. Prioritise yourself. Telling from your post, you may end up just suffering from guilt and feeling worse, but please give it a try before giving CTB a try.