maggotsfromjez
I come back every so often
- Oct 15, 2023
- 5
tw for grooming
i was groomed when i was 14 and i never recovered. it's still ruining my life to this day. i've burned so many bridges and fucked up so many personal relationship because it feels like she's always there with her hands around my neck, preventing me from moving on (feminism win, my groomer was a woman!).
i can go for a while without being affected, but then something triggers a downward spiral again and i fuck my whole life up. right now it's my friend getting into a relationship with a guy who's way older than her. i can't even force myself to pretend i tolerate it because whenever i have to be near him, it's like her hands wrap around my whole body and she starts pinching and scratching and choking me and i can't breathe.
everyone notices it and i don't even know how to explain what i feel to people because i'm gonna sound like a selfish bitch. i'm not trying to be. i really wish i wasn't like this. i wish i could navigate the world normally. but the police won't help me and they don't take me seriously in therapy and i don't know how to move on. i often think about how killing myself would ease the pain. i can't keep fucking my life up if i'm not even alive.
yeah, yeah, "i shouldn't let her win by dying" or whatever but at this point it feels like the universe fucking wants her to win. i don't know when or if i'll do it. or how. but it feels nice to think about.
thank you for reading and take care.
i was groomed when i was 14 and i never recovered. it's still ruining my life to this day. i've burned so many bridges and fucked up so many personal relationship because it feels like she's always there with her hands around my neck, preventing me from moving on (feminism win, my groomer was a woman!).
i can go for a while without being affected, but then something triggers a downward spiral again and i fuck my whole life up. right now it's my friend getting into a relationship with a guy who's way older than her. i can't even force myself to pretend i tolerate it because whenever i have to be near him, it's like her hands wrap around my whole body and she starts pinching and scratching and choking me and i can't breathe.
everyone notices it and i don't even know how to explain what i feel to people because i'm gonna sound like a selfish bitch. i'm not trying to be. i really wish i wasn't like this. i wish i could navigate the world normally. but the police won't help me and they don't take me seriously in therapy and i don't know how to move on. i often think about how killing myself would ease the pain. i can't keep fucking my life up if i'm not even alive.
yeah, yeah, "i shouldn't let her win by dying" or whatever but at this point it feels like the universe fucking wants her to win. i don't know when or if i'll do it. or how. but it feels nice to think about.
thank you for reading and take care.
