Venting Why? Just why?

[albert_camus]

Why should I carry on if it's ultimately for others?
Yes, there are better times, but in the end it always turns out to be absolute shit and I don't want to and can't do it anymore.
But I can't leave my parents behind either, together with my cats they are the main reason why I'm alive.
Everyone else would be able to cope and it would also be a relief for some of them if I was gone. At last I would no longer be in the way. The thought of that calms me down so much.

 

[derpyderpins]

Your user name suggests you should be answering that for me. I really like Camus but can't always understand his conclusions.

I guess we carry on because of potential. We think life could be something, could give us something. There might be peace in death but there isn't creation.

 

[albert_camus]

Your user name suggests you should be answering that for me. I really like Camus but can't always understand his conclusions.

I guess we carry on because of potential. We think life could be something, could give us something. There might be peace in death but there isn't creation.

Thanks for responding!
I'm basically just waiting to put an end to my life. I plan to end it as soon as my parents are no longer alive. Until then, I'm trying to live my life reasonably well (apart from the fact that I've never gotten away from the plan to end it all and probably never will), in case I really want to live for myself at some point, but that seems very unlikely to me.
I understand Camus' points quite well and rationally agree with him, including that there's no real point in ending it, but in the end I just can't get away from it. It all makes me so tired and exhausted, I'm exhausted, but I have to keep going as long as my parents are alive at least. Different things keep dragging me into the abyss and I don't really want any more of it. I want to find peace.

 

[derpyderpins]

Thanks for responding!
I'm basically just waiting to put an end to my life. I plan to end it as soon as my parents are no longer alive. Until then, I'm trying to live my life reasonably well (apart from the fact that I've never gotten away from the plan to end it all and probably never will), in case I really want to live for myself at some point, but that seems very unlikely to me.
I understand Camus' points quite well and rationally agree with him, including that there's no real point in ending it, but in the end I just can't get away from it. It all makes me so tired and exhausted, I'm exhausted, but I have to keep going as long as my parents are alive at least. Different things keep dragging me into the abyss and I don't really want any more of it. I want to find peace.

Understandable, and a pretty common line of thought here. That's where I get. Nothing is left and it's too much of a pain to be worth it.