InTheColdLight
New Member
- Jul 26, 2025
- 2
I can't help but fucking hate myself, everyday is a struggle to try to fit in this shitty society, i probably have autism and Adhd, but i just can't afford to get a diagnosis at this moment, instead i have to suffer day after day by trying to be someone i'm not, facing sensory problems because of overcrowded places,not being able to study because i can't fucking concentrate, which crushes my self-worth ,feeling everything too intensely to the point where the most basic arguing can make me feel suicidal, working on a dead end job, with people that want to take advantage of you with every chance they have, because they see you as gullible. Doesn't really help that i look like a child even though i'm a 22 year old guy. I developed a problem with my looks even though i had some people saying that i'm good looking and i can kinda see it, i don't have a chopped face, but at the same time i hate my body and my height. I'm also addicted to porn, and i don't see me getting laid by any chance. I won't call myself an incel, because i haven't got to the point of hating women, but i have thought about it at least once. I had some depressive episodes and they seem to get worse during winter, where i think about ending it all at least once a week. I love music, learning about subjects related to biology, which is my dream field, but at the same time i don't see me being able to reach anything in life, basically every thing that i try to do, i fail, because of this fucking meat mass in my skull that wants everything to be perfect, but can't even socialize in a normal way, it's like something that comes so naturally to others, while to me it's like playing Dark Souls in nightmare mode, i think i will only be able to reach a certain point before i end it all. I just don't do it because of my family, but if i lived alone, i would have already made it to the other side (if there is one) long ago. Will it get better? I hope so, but if it doesn't, the only solution will be eternal rest.
hello and welcome to sasu
