Discussion Why is it that you can be so obviously suicidal and still no one will care?

[burdenox]

Yeah I'm back, still alive unfortunately. I naively thought things were getting better lol. Oh well.

One of the most "no. I am making the right decision" things for me is when you try to tell people that you're feeling suicidal and they just gloss over it like you never said anything. It just makes me feel like "cool that's ideal, they won't be too bothered when I go. I can start making progress with my plan now"

And though it gives me a sense of relief when people act that way, it does seems strange that "normal" people would respond that way. People react that way here but that's because we're mostly on the same page.

Do they react that way thinking that not making a fuss is helpful? Do they just feel too uncomfortable and want to get out of the convo asap? Or do they really just not care that much? I don't know.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Can you share a little more about what reactions you got from people when you shared about being suicidal? I never really got indifferent reactions. Either sympathetic ones or basically saying they don't want or can't entertain such talk.

 

[Fulminare]

This realisation hit me yesterday.
I still have my noose hanging in a somewhat hidden spot in my room and I didn't think anyone would find or see it. Nobody enters my room.

I went out to grocery shop and realised that my room was left open and saw that somebody put laundry right under my noose. I panicked, wondering why anyone would even consider doing that. I talked with everybody but they didn't bring it up.

This also made me think - why do people gloss over this? Their reaction wasn't helpful at all. Now I'm just convinced nobody would give a damn if I were to commit again. I took it as an encouragement. What is wrong with people.

 

[stermc]

In my opinion some people think we are trying to get attention.

 

[jessisme]

My thought would be that either the idea makes them uncomfortable so they would rather just avoid it or perhaps the idea has been discussed so much before that they have become numb to the reality of suicidal ideation and it's possible consequences. I'm sure it could be other things too. It's hard not to feel dismissed and uncared for when this kind of disregard happens in conversation. I'm sorry that this happened to you.

 

[SpiroSundae]

They probably feel helpless tbh

 

[hopelessdreams]

i think it really depends on the circumstances in which it gets told. i've had people i only knew a few hours when they told me about their past attempts and clinic stays. this happened in a group setting and was told with a laugh. i honestly was so shocked someone would so casually bring it up i froze and didn't react.

on the contrary, i've had people tell me their attempts in a private and serious conversation, in which i replied with serious concern. this just shows what kind of reaction it can bring up, though i don't know in what circumstances you've opened up.

 

[Rairii]

I think at times its because they really don't take it seriously, either because they can't comprehend that someone would want to terminate their life or they believe its a cry for attention. I feel like some of them think "well if it's so bad then you would already be dead" kind of attitude but since we're still hanging around then it cant be so bad to them.

It's actually really "funny" the only time my mental pain was ever taken seriously was when I was severely underweight from starving myself, then I finally heard "I never realized how bad you were hurting! if i had known I would have been there for you." Even though I had been telling people (these same people too) for years how much pain I was in, how badly I wanted to die, I even had suicide attempts in the past. Then of course when I weight restored it was suddenly "oh you're finally better! i'm glad you're not suffering anymore!" and when I spoke of suicide or anything else, it just got shrugged off once again. sometimes it feels like people only care about pain if it looks like you're dying or are already dead and even then I'm sure people would stop caring at a certain point.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that the way that they react could be due to any of those things that are mentioned in your post. People often hide their true thoughts and feelings, and we are only aware of what they actually share. But to me it would be a beneficial thing if there was nobody who would appear to care a great deal, I believe that for many people it would make suicide easier for them as they have nothing holding them back and keeping them here in this world. The worse outcome would be for people to act in an upset way and trying to guilt trip the person into staying here and potentially even trying to interfere with ctb plans.

 

[dramatizelist]

I've been ignored even by people I've talked to for a long time


It's probably because an actual response requires caring

 

[UKscotty]

People fundamentally don't give a crap that's why.

 

[SuffrInSilence]

Can you share a little more about what reactions you got from people when you shared about being suicidal? I never really got indifferent reactions. Either sympathetic ones or basically saying they don't want or can't entertain such talk.

Ah man, you should live the experience of telling a parent you're suicidal and having them say "why are you telling me?"

Or telling a sibling you think about killing yourself and having them say maybe you should.

Fun times.

 

[Thisisme373]

Because humans are very selfish & you are making them uncomfortable when you are opening up about the agony you are enduring, how very dare you try to open up about your struggle or be real with someone… seriously, people are fucking selfish pieces of shit.
I know first hand the agony, inner turmoil & desperation you feel when being suicidal and opening up to someone about it is usually when you are seriously considering it, to respond to someone with indifference just sums up the fucking human race.

 

[dead lightbulb]

This realisation hit me yesterday.
I still have my noose hanging in a somewhat hidden spot in my room and I didn't think anyone would find or see it. Nobody enters my room.

I went out to grocery shop and realised that my room was left open and saw that somebody put laundry right under my noose. I panicked, wondering why anyone would even consider doing that. I talked with everybody but they didn't bring it up.

This also made me think - why do people gloss over this? Their reaction wasn't helpful at all. Now I'm just convinced nobody would give a damn if I were to commit again. I took it as an encouragement. What is wrong with people.

I just wanted to say something very similar happened to me and that you're not alone

 

[milkandcoffee]

I think most people just don't know what to do or how to help so they try and pretend it isn't happening.

I also feel like I disagree with a lot of you on desired response... I really hate when people grind everything to a halt because I'm having the same thoughts I have every single day.

 

[GettingOut]

Before I was diagnosed with major clinical depression, I would try to avoid people who were depressed, not cause I didn't care, but I was afraid I might say something that would make them feel worse. So I kept quite to be safe or change the topic.

Thirteen years later, I've become more empathetic and learnt that life is getting more difficult for everyone. They might be at their all-time lowest, but they don't realise that someone who sincerely expresses suicidal thoughts are at the bottom of an abyss compared to their surface level "down feelings." They don't fully understand that we are the edge of a cliff.

The "beauty" of having depression and suicidal thoughts is that, if I hear someone talks about suicide. I speak the "language." I can ask if they have a plan? What do you think is making you feel that way? And so on. Questions that someone without depression would never dare to ask, but are vital to connect to your new friend.

Sorry for the essay. The short answer is they might lack experience in having a meaningful conversation on the topic. But it does not necessarily mean that they don't care about you.

 

[Wannagonow]

For me I don't think it's always a matter of people not caring. Sometimes people don't know what to do so they ignore me. Because I've been struggling with my mental health for 30+ years, my 2 friends in the world seem kind of immune to my need for help and support.

 

[aSilentVoice]

Ah man, you should live the experience of telling a parent you're suicidal and having them say "why are you telling me?"

Or telling a sibling you think about killing yourself and having them say maybe you should.

Wow, that's horrible! Such a lack of empathy and compassion. I'm sorry they said that to you.

 

[oneeyed]

In my opinion some people think we are trying to get attention.

I always laughed at this. I'm trying to end existence and stop experiencing any attention, not get more attention.

 

[MissingThyme]

I think people don't always know how to respond.

If they don't know you that well, do they even have the ability to talk to you about it or change your mind? If they do know you, well, they can argue with you maybe. But that doesn't always work. Especially if the proverbial you needs something from them they can't give. Selfishness and callousness are a form of survival instinct all their own.

 

[makethepainstop]

Yeah I'm back, still alive unfortunately. I naively thought things were getting better lol. Oh well.

One of the most "no. I am making the right decision" things for me is when you try to tell people that you're feeling suicidal and they just gloss over it like you never said anything. It just makes me feel like "cool that's ideal, they won't be too bothered when I go. I can start making progress with my plan now"

And though it gives me a sense of relief when people act that way, it does seems strange that "normal" people would respond that way. People react that way here but that's because we're mostly on the same page.

Do they react that way thinking that not making a fuss is helpful? Do they just feel too uncomfortable and want to get out of the convo asap? Or do they really just not care that much? I don't know.

For me, since my own dad and his side of my family tree never gave a crap about me, so why would anyone else care? No mystery to me, no sir!

 

[Cryptonite]

In my experience, people tend to get obnoxiously interested in a sense they want to stop you from CTB. That's why I don't tell anybody anymore, just getting ready for my CTB in quiet and peace.

But it is true that people also might not care, but this is not because of you specifically, but because people do not care about others in general. Humans, or frankly any animals, are naturally selfish.

Recently I've seen a poll where they asked: "Would you let a random person die if you got 10 000 $?" Around 50 % people said yes, and I thought to myself I expected even more. It sounds cruel, but it is natural - and nature is cruel.

Consider this a good thing. It'd be much worse if people got involved so much to the point of taking the freedom to CTB away from you.

 

[burdenox]

Can you share a little more about what reactions you got from people when you shared about being suicidal? I never really got indifferent reactions. Either sympathetic ones or basically saying they don't want or can't entertain such talk.

Basically just no reaction.

Like brushing it off and moving onto another topic, just hitting you with the "well that's just selfish" (the worst one imo) or pulling a "well when I was really sad…"

One that stuck out to me was I had this art account that I would vent on and my friend unfollowed because "it made me sad and I don't want to see that" or when I sent a text to me friend basically saying I couldn't do it anymore which she read and didn't really react to

(Fun fact about that last story is turns out 2 of my friends read those messages. One of them being someone that had just went on a tirade on social media telling everyone I was a bad person bc I didn't invite them to a sleepover? We were about 15, Kids are disgusting Lol)

This realisation hit me yesterday.
I still have my noose hanging in a somewhat hidden spot in my room and I didn't think anyone would find or see it. Nobody enters my room.

I went out to grocery shop and realised that my room was left open and saw that somebody put laundry right under my noose. I panicked, wondering why anyone would even consider doing that. I talked with everybody but they didn't bring it up.

This also made me think - why do people gloss over this? Their reaction wasn't helpful at all. Now I'm just convinced nobody would give a damn if I were to commit again. I took it as an encouragement. What is wrong with people.

I had a really similar experience actually. Twice my mother has found a noose in my room. Once she just brushed it off and said I was being stupid and selfish, the other she just rolled her eyes at.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Basically just no reaction.

Like brushing it off and moving onto another topic, just hitting you with the "well that's just selfish" (the worst one imo) or pulling a "well when I was really sad…"

One that stuck out to me was I had this art account that I would vent on and my friend unfollowed because "it made me sad and I don't want to see that" or when I sent a text to me friend basically saying I couldn't do it anymore which she read and didn't really react to

(Fun fact about that last story is turns out 2 of my friends read those messages. One of them being someone that had just went on a tirade on social media telling everyone I was a bad person bc I didn't invite them to a sleepover? We were about 15, Kids are disgusting Lol)

Most people just can't receive that information well. Even mental health professionals tend to be uncomfortable with the topic. You deserve understanding and support but most people just aren't cut out for providing those things. Hence one of the reasons for the creation of this site. Even so, it's terrible to feel alone and unsupported in your feelings. this place is good about that, but it doesn't fully substitute support in your offline life.

 

[Lucilius]

Just try not to tell those things over text. What nobody wants is to be liable.

 

[burdenox]

I think at times its because they really don't take it seriously, either because they can't comprehend that someone would want to terminate their life or they believe its a cry for attention. I feel like some of them think "well if it's so bad then you would already be dead" kind of attitude but since we're still hanging around then it cant be so bad to them.

It's actually really "funny" the only time my mental pain was ever taken seriously was when I was severely underweight from starving myself, then I finally heard "I never realized how bad you were hurting! if i had known I would have been there for you." Even though I had been telling people (these same people too) for years how much pain I was in, how badly I wanted to die, I even had suicide attempts in the past. Then of course when I weight restored it was suddenly "oh you're finally better! i'm glad you're not suffering anymore!" and when I spoke of suicide or anything else, it just got shrugged off once again. sometimes it feels like people only care about pain if it looks like you're dying or are already dead and even then I'm sure people would stop caring at a certain point.

Oh yeah, the romanticisation of eating disorders in insane. Genuinely had an ex of mine say "no you're so beautiful, you just like those girls" (referring to thinspo) wasn't fond of all the mental fuckupery that comes with that though of course lol

Just try not to tell those things over text. What nobody wants is to be liable.

Text or in person it doesn't matter really. I just find it easier to write things down than to say them because I just choke and can't speak.

I've found the best thing is to just say nothing. Is it helpful? No.
Does telling people help anyway? 99% of the time also no lol

 

[doesitreallymatter]

I've had the same kind of reaction whenever I've bought up in conversation that I want to kill myself, my mum and sister just brush it off as if I'm making up the severity of my despair. My sister even said to me 'do you know how horrible it is to here you say that' .....Like I should suddenly feel sorry for her, like yeah just wait a minute so I can support you through my suicidal feelings

Usually ends up with them distancing themselves from me when I need them the most.....I can't understand it either

 

[hellispink]

The truth is no one cares about us suicidal people. People are hypocrite and fake. They will definitely tell u something in the funeral once in the casket.

 

[SaylorTwift]

People are selfish and terrible.