Help Why is it so fucking difficult to kill myself?

[Dry-Finding7733]

I first joined this community/forum in hopes of finding a detailed way to off myself. The hope of being surrounded by people who understand and don't gatekeep information about how to kill yourself. I've been here for two weeks trying to find a source to purchase the required materials for the SN method. I have acquired everything required already except for the SN itself. But we can't simply ask someone where to purchase it from, can we? No, we have to go on a week-long hunt to finally find DD or DE just for the site to be out of stock for each SN size. Like, can't a guy who pursues killing himself be allowed to do so without anyone gatekeeping their "trade secrets." Like, what the fuck is the point of knowing where to buy SN if 1. you're not going to use it, and 2, you gatekeep the information and prolong others' suffering. All I want to do is drink a fucking drug cocktail, go to sleep, and never wake up again. But now, I'm doing the exact opposite by spending hours a day scouring the clearnet and dark web for a source of SN that doesn't cost me nearly $150 in shipping and run the risk of having it sent to my college.

 

[Vitya]

There are reasons for the difficulty which I am not going to mention since this is very sensitive topic and will get lots of unwanted attention from people who are fighting against this community.

 

[Dry-Finding7733]

There are reasons for the difficulty which I am not going to mention since this is very sensitive topic and will get lots of unwanted attention from people who are fighting against this community.

Yeah, I understand that side of the argument which has shined a light on this community because of the NYT (especially since I discovered this site because of them) but so the fuck what. I'm actively making posts (obviously). I'm actively commenting and attempting to become part of this community. Should that not grant a sliver of trust to at least be given references? I didn't come here to wait six months for answers to my questions. I came here for the expected no-bullshit answers so I can get a move on and leave this miserable world that I no longer see a reason for enduring any longer. Or is that just too much to ask from my fellow-minded individuals?

 

[Source Energy]

Yeah, I understand that side of the argument which has shined a light on this community because of the NYT (especially since I discovered this site because of them) but so the fuck what. I'm actively making posts (obviously). I'm actively commenting and attempting to become part of this community. Should that not grant a sliver of trust to at least be given references? I didn't come here to wait six months for answers to my questions. I came here for the expected no-bullshit answers so I can get a move on and leave this miserable world that I no longer see a reason for enduring any longer. Or is that just too much to ask from my fellow-minded individuals?

I pm-ed you. When I joined, I had the sweet illusion that I can find someone to give me Nembutal. I still hope, although the folks here are in the same boat as me. Now it is between SN - I'm ordering it tomorrow - or maybe finding a partner for the Nitrogen way. But I'm leaving soon. They broke me beyond repair.

 

[Anzhe]

Many people are faced with such a problem - of course we want everything to be simple and easy and we want to get exact instructions and even contacts of suppliers. That may not be a good thing, though, given how MaxDog profited from gas regulators. I prefer to look for all the components myself. I may have to register the company on paper so as not to arouse suspicion.

 

[jodes2]

Pm me for sn supplier ic

 

[LateForTheBus]

I first joined this community/forum in hopes of finding a detailed way to off myself. The hope of being surrounded by people who understand and don't gatekeep information about how to kill yourself. I've been here for two weeks trying to find a source to purchase the required materials for the SN method. I have acquired everything required already except for the SN itself. But we can't simply ask someone where to purchase it from, can we? No, we have to go on a week-long hunt to finally find DD or DE just for the site to be out of stock for each SN size. Like, can't a guy who pursues killing himself be allowed to do so without anyone gatekeeping their "trade secrets." Like, what the fuck is the point of knowing where to buy SN if 1. you're not going to use it, and 2, you gatekeep the information and prolong others' suffering. All I want to do is drink a fucking drug cocktail, go to sleep, and never wake up again. But now, I'm doing the exact opposite by spending hours a day scouring the clearnet and dark web for a source of SN that doesn't cost me nearly $150 in shipping and run the risk of having it sent to my college.

I'm new as well and share in your frustration. I understand the need to make sure people are truly here because we want to end it and are not some anti-suicide proponents trying to blast the site for making it so easy. Hopefully, we will be able to get the info and supplies we need soon to make our journey.

 

[FuneralCry]

I completely understand why you would feel so frustrated, it's certainly very unfair how people have to suffer so much in finding ways to leave a life that they never even asked for, the problem lies in the fact that this prison like society does everything to try to force people to stay here, restricting access to suicide methods.
If people want to leave they should just be able to without doing complicated internet research, there is no benefit to making suicide so hard for people, we are all just destined to die anyway and purposely making suicide this difficult will only ever lead to unnecessary suffering. But of course if it was straightforward to leave I would be long gone at this point, all of the complications involved in suicide is what unfortunately keeps me trapped here in this world.