Help Why is dying so difficult when beeing alive is even worse

[mind_split]

I am in endless despair. I talked to my psychiatrist again today about my CTB wish. She understands my suffering well (chronic illness) and I can talk to her very objectively. I don't think she is very pro-life. We can talk about it very well. She knows that I do not do anything in the heat of the moment, but make a plan that is safe. that is why I have not been admitted to a psychiatric clinic. (edit: i spent approx 6 times in a psych ward before)

..yeah, in switzerland there is assisted suicide. but it is hard to get in.
I have been checking my methods for a long time. my favorite would be SCUBA. Since I live with my partner, it is difficult to get the equipment. So SN is my only option. I am so sad that I cannot order SN - no legit source. I don't know any and Alibaba, Etsy etc is SCAM anyway. does anyone have a source for it in Switzerland? Or can you order it and send it to me? I am desperate. I do not want to risk anything and be a cripple in this world after I failed.
Please help me. I need a solution. I need security. I can get benzos etc and I have them now. I also have Oxy at home as a strong painkiller. I could certainly organize antisemics.
It's time for me to go. Please put me on SN to come. I cry with happiness every day reading about SN ownership here.... At the same time it makes me sad that I have nothing….

Im fully aware about what I want. I want to end my suffering in a quite safe way and leaving no mess behind or me totally invalid.

I really appreciate the community. I cant just stand the whole damn world and my life any longer.

<3

 

[Darkover]

because the human machine evolved to survive no matter what something that has the ability to easy die wouldn't survive for very long in the natural world, we avoid pain at all cost most , most people would kill themselves if a easy peaceful method was readily available but everything that is peaceful has been forbidden, if anyone could just walk into a shop and buy N the suicide rate would go up 10 times

 

[mind_split]

because the human machine evolved to survive no matter what something that has the ability to easy die wouldn't survive for very long in the natural world, we avoid pain at all cost most , most people would kill themselves if a easy peaceful readily available but everything that is peaceful has been forbidden, if anyone could just walk into a shop and buy N the suicide rate would go up 10 times

yap. its a fkn sad world.
no choice.

I said to my psych today that maybe I should start studying vet med so I have access to N.

its a fkn pain. even jumping is no
option. my psych told me about a man who jumped from the GG bridge in SF. he survived.

I mean is the only purpose to stay alive as long as possible? suffering the whole damn time.

its just super disgusting!

 

[FuneralCry]

Because we exist in this disgustingly anti-suicide society where suicide is cruelly made as inaccessible as possible for people. It's horrific how we cannot just easily cease existing in peace despite the fact that nobody can suffer from not existing yet there is no limit as to how much one can suffer in this hellish existence. I despise how it's so inaccessible to die, it's what's kept me trapped here.

 

[mind_split]

Because we exist in this disgustingly anti-suicide society where suicide is cruelly made as inaccessible as possible for people. It's horrific how we cannot just easily cease existing in peace despite the fact that nobody can suffer from not existing yet there is no limit as to how much one can suffer in this hellish existence. I despise how it's so inaccessible to die, it's what's kept me trapped here.

this. 100%. what a cruel world we live in.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Life is nothing but suffering and also exhausting and boring.
I'm more afraid of life than death.

because the human machine evolved to survive no matter what something that has the ability to easy die wouldn't survive for very long in the natural world, we avoid pain at all cost most , most people would kill themselves if a easy peaceful method was readily available but everything that is peaceful has been forbidden, if anyone could just walk into a shop and buy N the suicide rate would go up 10 times

100% agree that the lack of drugs like N is keeping the suicide rate low.

 

[lachrymost]

Related: I hate when people believe that if you're still here, that is proof you don't really want to die. That's like saying that if you're in a Saw trap and you can't manage to chew your own arm off or disembowl yourself or whatever your appointed task is, you don't really want to live.

I'm glad you have a relatively supportive psychiatrist! Good luck to you. Sorry I don't have an SN source.

 

[mind_split]

thanks. Im so happy I found this forum. I registered on EXIT today. we'll see

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

The human body is not made to die. We are programmed to live.

 

[sserafim]

The human body is not made to die. We are programmed to live.

I hate this! I hate survival instinct