Discussion Why is dating difficult?

[lost illusions]

Talk about "strawman". I have seen enough to have the opinion that in many cases physical appearance isn't the main issue. Then again, I'm usually someone for whom looks aren't No.1 priority. I also wouldn't judge an involuntarily celibate person. However I will call out a hive-minded subculture that puts down women at every turn. Just like I call out the radical man-hating feminazis for the same thing in reverse. If that makes me judgemental, so be it.

Not judged by me

 

[netrezven]

First, my ego will never let me go on online dating site, or try to date anyone online.
But i had a friend, who is doing it for years. He doesn't meet girls outside of this app world. Results: he gets really cheap sex most of the time. Still doesn't have a serious relationship and never will. By the way all of the girls he meets are like trash. But going cheap requires you to lower you standards - his words.
Almost anytime when he is in town an we go out - just happens that i meet him with hot and sexy girls that for sure don't look and act like trash. We go out with them and he is like: "Man, she is like an S-class, I'm more like a Ford". Then, any fucking time, instead of getting her number from her or me, he tries to get her facebook and writes down shit that works for the trash he is used to, but not here. Any of these girls liked him i would have gone on a date with him if he was not hiding behind filtered profile pictures.
He has done this for at least 5 times, and the story repeats. Only the first 2 times i called him, just to show him the difference. Next times are just coincidences. But every time - he acts like an idiot and then tries to be a "man" online. He was a friend of mine, but still this is miserable.
And this 80/20 is a total crap statistics. Maybie only 20% of men have balls. For me it's like 0.1%. For anything that's worth it i've one rule that works - progress and comfort, can't go on together. If you want a girl - go and ask/meet her. No other reasons needed. If she laughs at you - who cares?
hahah once i went to a girl on the bar just for fun, and she really laugh at me, then i said "sorry i had no idea you are a prostitute", then we had some good time - just to show me, that she is not a prostitute.

 

[lost illusions]

First, my ego will never let me go on online dating site, or try to date anyone online.
But i had a friend, who is doing it for years. He doesn't meet girls outside of this app world. Results: he gets really cheap sex most of the time. Still doesn't have a serious relationship and never will. By the way all of the girls he meets are like trash. But going cheap requires you to lower you standards - his words.
Almost anytime when he is in town an we go out - just happens that i meet him with hot and sexy girls that for sure don't look and act like trash. We go out with them and he is like: "Man, she is like an S-class, I'm more like a Ford". Then, any fucking time, instead of getting her number from her or me, he tries to get her facebook and writes down shit that works for the trash he is used to, but not here. Any of these girls liked him i would have gone on a date with him if he was not hiding behind filtered profile pictures.
He has done this for at least 5 times, and the story repeats. Only the first 2 times i called him, just to show him the difference. Next times are just coincidences. But every time - he acts like an idiot and then tries to be a "man" online. He was a friend of mine, but still this is miserable.
And this 80/20 is a total crap statistics. Maybie only 20% of men have balls. For me it's like 0.1%. For anything that's worth it i've one rule that works - progress and comfort, can't go on together. If you want a girl - go and ask/meet her. No other reasons needed. If she laughs at you - who cares?
hahah once i went to a girl on the bar just for fun, and she really laugh at me, then i said "sorry i had no idea you are a prostitute", then we had some good time - just to show me, that she is not a prostitute.

Glad this has worked for you. Not even once has asking a gall out ever worked for me. As far as online dating, how the hell do people meet, let alone get laid. I'm lucky if someone says hi back. I have had more interaction and conversation on here than anytime prior. You are better then I

 

[netrezven]

I'm no better at all. That's for sure. Maybe you don't go out as often as you should. Just be nice and in a good mood. Staying too much on the computer downgrades your ability to talk to or see other people for real. Also this creates an imaginary way you introduce and accept yourself, compered to life outside the monitor. When a woman likes you, her way of looking at you it so different and sensible, you don't have to go after any girl with some tits. good luck
Come on, i met girls even by the carwash or just smoking nowhere for no reason. The irony is that all of this happens every time i realize that i'm still in love and pass it all. When i try not be in love and want to meet some just for a talk and fun, i'm not in a mood and it never works.

 

[lost illusions]

I'm no better at all. That's for sure. Maybe you don't go out as often as you should. Just be nice and in a good mood. Staying too much on the computer downgrades your ability to talk to or see other people for real. Also this creates an imaginary way you introduce and accept yourself, compered to life outside the monitor. When a woman likes you, her way of looking at you it so different and sensible, you don't have to go after any girl with some tits. good luck
Come on, i met girls even by the carwash or just smoking nowhere for no reason. The irony is that all of this happens every time i realize that i'm still in love and pass it all. When i try not be in love and want to meet some just for a talk and fun, i'm not in a mood and it never works.

I don't think I've ever been laughed at, usually foul comments, completely avoided or getting the look like they just ate a cat turd instead of a tootsie roll. Doesn't matter too much now, I'm too old and fd up to see or feel anything

 

[Logic]

I tend to think online dating is likely a bit blah for women. It probably feels stale, with too much male thirst and woefully lacking when it comes to gauging real-world chemistry. Plus there are a million bots and fake profiles on there, coupled with the genuine females being swamped with messages. Overall, those just don't look like good odds to me. I always had far better luck in the real world, awkward as it sometimes is.

It's really easy for me to meet a woman in real life. It simply isn't worth the time spent online in my experience, of course, I could be doing something wrong.

 

[brighter]

it's hard, but i don't blame people for leaving. i have nothing to offer

Please don't. There is no such thing as a human who has nothing to offer. I'm replying like a month late but I only just noticed this thread.
I've lain in my bed drained from giving love and being left, so I know how much it hurts and how tired you probably are. Walk away. It leaves a gaping hole in you but its a step towards making room for someone better. x

 

[Exile]

I think many of us, including me, have wildly unrealistic expectations, and I believe that we are hoping that a partner will make up for a lot of the things we feel are missing in ourselves. And when we do meet someone, our insecurities can manifest as repellent behaviour. It is very easy to meet people if you put yourself out there. It's much harder to find someone who lives up to the idealized images we have in our minds, and even more difficult to find someone who will stick around while we sabotage ourselves.

 

[anuglymale]

have seen enough to have the opinion that in many cases physical appearance isn't the main issue. ... Just like I call out the radical man-hating feminazis

I have seen the opposite, at last for the ugliest guys here. I won't care about feminists or any similar stuff if they want to create a thread discussing the world from their perspective. I won't come and post about how they are wrong in their thread

 

[anuglymale]

I don't think I've ever been laughed at, usually foul comments, completely avoided or getting the look like they just ate a cat turd instead of a tootsie roll. Doesn't matter too much now, I'm too old and fd up to see or feel anything

This. At some point you realise that it just doesn't work for you and give up

 

[Broken]

Haha I'd rather go speed dating than online dating!

 

[netrezven]

I think many of us, including me, have wildly unrealistic expectations, and I believe that we are hoping that a partner will make up for a lot of the things we feel are missing in ourselves. And when we do meet someone, our insecurities can manifest as repellent behaviour. It is very easy to meet people if you put yourself out there. It's much harder to find someone who lives up to the idealized images we have in our minds, and even more difficult to find someone who will stick around while we sabotage ourselves.

loool, can't stop rereading this. It's great.

 

[lost illusions]

Haha I'd rather go speed dating than online dating!

I just prefer speeding lol

 

[TAW122]

@lost illusions involuntary celibates

 

[lost illusions]

@lost illusions involuntary celibates

Oh

Thank you

 

[lost illusions]

That would mean me

 

[Endless]

I'm a woman and I've.been online dating on and off for years, me many people but to be honest I don't think I have the patience forit. I find most of the men cookie cutter and boring, there's no originality.... You think if it's so hard to connect with a real woman on those things they woudl make an effort when they do, but most don't. When they say things that make it obvious they haven't read your profile and are just talking to you cos of your pics I find that really rude. I guess I'm just a grouch and don't have the patience for online dating

 

[mattwitt]

I've never been on a date. I came close once : )

 

[anuglymale]

Talking with people online for me is way different than offline, tho I fail in both cases

 

[lost illusions]

I've never been on a date. I came close once : )

I've been on one, had to beg and plead just to buy someone dinner. Neat person but they didn't think the same about me

 

[lost illusions]

In the real world, I have never been worth being someone's partner in life or worth a fuck literally, but atleast there are a couple of ladies in this world that think I'm a good dude and great friend. Despite what I've been told and feel. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call from a friend that still believes in me and what I stand for.

 

[Whatshername]

In the real world, I have never been worth being someone's partner in life or worth a fuck literally, but atleast there are a couple of ladies in this world that think I'm a good dude and great friend. Despite what I've been told and feel. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call from a friend that still believes in me and what I stand for.

You do seem like a good dude to me :) You are worthy, you should believe that, though I'm aware that's easier said than done, as I often feel worthless too. I'm glad you do have people/friends who appreciate you.

 

[Wolfjob_dayjob]

Squats might help tone your ass.

I hate squat day. Comes right before stairs day- how dare you make me remember the pain.

 

[21Neberg]

I don't like dating. It's not like I know anyone who would ever want to be with me - and even if that was the case, I'd have to explain a ton of self harm scars which aren't exactly pretty. They'll probably leave me over it too.

I've had my little share of dating now. All it's done is leave me lonely still thinking about my ex every fucking waking moment of the day, and I can't stand it.

 

[lost illusions]

I hate squat day. Comes right before stairs day- how dare you make me remember the pain.

Who needs a tone ass anyway

 

[azucaramargo]

More girls than guys when you are in your teens-twenties but by the time you hits 30 there are more girls than guys. Honestly though your profile probaly sucks.

That's kind of harsh, tommyhalpinkelly.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

For some fun, I was going to answer, "If you saw my face you'd never ask me the question." ;)

 

[azucaramargo]

Hahahahaha! So proud of you for exercising!

 

[azucaramargo]

Oh

I don't like dating. It's not like I know anyone who would ever want to be with me - and even if that was the case, I'd have to explain a ton of self harm scars which aren't exactly pretty. They'll probably leave me over it too.

I've had my little share of dating now. All it's done is leave me lonely still thinking about my ex every fucking waking moment of the day, and I can't stand it.

Oh 21Neberg, what a poignant post! I remember my ex had self-harm scars, and because of his past struggles--that he had no choice but to wear on his sleeve-- I was so enamored of him. I felt relieved to see his scars almost...to see that he had known difficult moments, too.

FYI, he dumped my big behind; I wouldda stayed with him forever. Please don't give up hope.

 

[azucaramargo]

I think many of us, including me, have wildly unrealistic expectations, and I believe that we are hoping that a partner will make up for a lot of the things we feel are missing in ourselves. And when we do meet someone, our insecurities can manifest as repellent behaviour. It is very easy to meet people if you put yourself out there. It's much harder to find someone who lives up to the idealized images we have in our minds, and even more difficult to find someone who will stick around while we sabotage ourselves.

You said a mouthful! So true! I am the spokesperson for repellent behavior, as you so aptly put it. And, you just put into words so succinctly all my relationship problems. ..."Someone who will stick around while we sabotage ourselves." Ain't that the truth? And, clamoring for people whom we think will compensate for our inadequacies. Thank you for posting this.