Venting Why is ctb so hard?

[Dark Moon]

So, I had to go to my sister's graduation but when we were taking the train, thoughts came into my brain to jump on the tracks and get run over by the train but I can't seem to be able to do it just yet.

I think about hanging or shooting myself all the time but guns are banned here and I still can't bring myself to do it just yet. It's like a very difficult task to find the correct method and then go through it successfully without it failing.

 

[iloverachel]

It is indeed hard. I absolutely hate life and wanted to die for at least the past 8 years but still haven' brought myself to ctb yet
I guess its a combination of fear of method failing, survival instinct, thinking of impact on loved ones, not knowing what comes after death etc

 

[Zaphkiel]

Because there is always something that's here to make you feels attached even uncounsciously

 

[fleetingnight]

SI is a bitch, that's what I blame

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It's hard because society has made it hard. Just like how work is harder for some neurodivergents than neurotypicals because society has made it hard. That's it really. If society has allowed us to access peaceful methods such as nembutal, suicide wouldn't be hard but sadly we live in a society which requires slaves for the economic system

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

I missed my opportunity to die years ago when I was first suicidal, I actually had courage and attempted a few times but survived. Now many years later I'm suicidal again I actually researched ways to die instead of just impulsively trying things I thought would kill me, I never realized something could go wrong until now and am scared of surviving with injuries.

 

[xinino]

I think problem is phychological more than physical.

 

[AnonymousL]

Because we are programmed to survive. Doing an act that will possibly end yyour life is one of the most difficult, things to do in life.
It takes time.

I had my first attempt in 2019 and here i am, still alive. Hoping to do a second attempt soon. I just need to be ready and that takes a lot of time.

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly is far too unnecessarily difficult for one to die on their own terms, what disgusts me is how people are left with no other choice but to resort to painful and risky methods to permanently find peace from this existence, what I'd fear is trying to die potentially going wrong and leading to way worse agony. I really wish I had access to a painless guaranteed suicide pill or peaceful poison, it'd be such a relief and solve everything for me.

 

[Need2Leave]

I think it's SI playing tricks. I'm dealing with it as we speak