Discussion Why is ctb so hard?

[Anhaedra]

Every method I find and research turns out to be unviable or just too painful. I tried VSED (starvation and dehydration), I would last for a couple days without drinking or eating then I'd fail, I felt so disgusted with myself, I cant just suffer for few days then it will be over. I also tried aspirin overdose but I took so little it didnt even do anything but hurt my stomach, and I read here today that OTC overall are unviable. I dont want to resort to physically violent ways (jumping, hanging, etc.), I just cant see myself dying this way even though it wont matter after I die. I cant take this anymore, Im sleeping the whole day, and suffering in every second im awake. I wish somehow I could die in my sleep. I found out about pheno and pentobarbital but I cant acquire it in my country without prescription. Dont know what to do anymore.

 

[cali22♡]

Maybe you don't want to do that at all

Maybe you have someone you know will be sad if you do ctb

 

[Anhaedra]

Maybe you don't want to do that at all

Maybe you have someone you know will be sad if you do ctb

No, I just cant find a suitable way to do it thats all, just scared of the pain.

 

[falling_snow]

Welcome to SS! May you find peace in the community.

I know that you can be afraid of many methods, death is usually 'scary'. Also, many methods are just hard to acquire. But maybe searching and looking in the resources thread might help you look for peace. There are some pretty reliable and 'easy' to get methods, it just needs research.

Physical methods weren't my first option too, but I guess that sometimes times change, and you just have to adapt. Regarding pain, you can find the root of it and end it, or try other methods.

Suffering is the worst feelings of them all, it's normal to want to ctb.
Good luck in finding the peace you deserve.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Because there's no safe peaceful method available. It's cruel. I'm sure 50% of the people on this board regularly would already be dead if they had access to a simple way out, just go to sleep. non-human animals, dogs cats horses pigs goats sheep, they're allowed to be euthanized with a sedative followed by a lethal and narcotic, many humans are forced to stay and suffer horrifying, horrifying existences. People should have access to whatever means they want to take their own lives but we don't get that because a small group of people think they're more capable of making choices and withholding things from the public, public being other people just like them, but they're no better they're no different, and yet they get to decide for other people things like this? It's disgusting.

 

[Demian]

I tried phenobarbital and morphine. I took a very large amount. Twice the fatal dose of phenobarbital and 12 times the fatal dose of morphine. After 10 minutes I panicked, went to hospital, fell into a Glasgow 3 coma (the deepest), almost died and, miraculously, had no sequelae.

Now I only have the courage to use a gun, nembutal or sodium thiopental.

Edit: I don't use any of these drugs, which means I have no resistance to them.

 

[Anhaedra]

I tried phenobarbital and morphine. I took a very large amount. Twice the fatal dose of phenobarbital and 12 times the fatal dose of morphine. After 10 minutes I panicked, went to hospital, fell into a Glasgow 3 coma (the deepest), almost died and, miraculously, had no sequelae.

Now I only have the courage to use a gun, nembutal or sodium thiopental.

How did it feel during those 10 mins?

 

[Demian]

How did it feel during those 10 mins?

I was kneeling in the bathtub full of water. My idea was to lose consciousness and drown. If they found me, I would die from the drugs.

It was a strange feeling. I got scared after I'd swallowed all the pills. I thought "I'm dead". I thought that in 2-5 minutes I would black out, but nothing happened. Then I panicked and asked for help (unfortunately).

 

[OrbitShine]

I tried phenobarbital and morphine. I took a very large amount. Twice the fatal dose of phenobarbital and 12 times the fatal dose of morphine. After 10 minutes I panicked, went to hospital, fell into a Glasgow 3 coma (the deepest), almost died and, miraculously, had no sequelae.

Now I only have the courage to use a gun, nembutal or sodium thiopental.

Edit: I don't use any of these drugs, which means I have no resistance to them.

I mean the letal dose of phenobarbital are 6-10grams, you used 20grams?
And letal dose of morphin is what i found >200mg, than you taked >2,5gram morphine?

 

[Ambivalent1]

Jumping for joy is the best method.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I also feel so trapped in this existence, it's truly so horrible and unacceptable how those who wish to cease existing on their own terms cannot just access an instant suicide pill or an guaranteed peaceful poison. It disgusts me how we exist in such an anti-suicide society where there is no acceptance towards suicide, I also wish to just fall into an eternal, dreamless sleep, I'm so tired of suffering in this dreadful and futile existence.

 

[Anhaedra]

Jumping for joy is the best method.

What do you mean "joy"?

 

[Ambivalent1]

What do you mean "joy"?

I was being random

 

[anhedonya]

Humans are hard wired to survive. Literally speaking. Our evolution has made us as strong as possible- we can survive trauma (literal and metaphorical) that no other being in the animal kingdom could get through without human medical intervention. We can lose limbs and survive bullets and, different to just about every animal around the time we started hunting on two legs, we can endure constant activity due to our lack of heavy fur and capability to sweat. That's the logistical reason why CTB is so hard- but then you add in our innate fear of pain and loneliness and starvation and suffocation- so on so forth.

I'm genuinely so far gone that I don't care about the pain I'll endure anymore, and thus I've chosen the one route that is almost certainly going to end me and that I'll have no way to possibly escape from. Drowning. All of humanity's worst fears all wrapped into one horrific experience that regularly leaves those who survive with lifelong trauma to bodies of water. And it took over a decade of constant suffering and 2+ years of back to back traumatic events for me to cross that threshold of no longer caring.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish you could live a happy life and have a chance. I hope there's still something out there for you. But I don't think these failed attempts reflect on you somehow- I know a failed attempt can bring a lot of shame and pain, I've been there. But it doesn't mean you can't commit or that there's something wrong with you. It's just evolution. I can't advise you on how to die- it's just not something I'm comfortable with. But what I can tell you is that you're very much not alone in this feeling and I really hope you don't keep trying to self starve and dehydrate- it's honestly just not feasible. It's not your fault, like actually it really isn't- the human brain, at a certain point of starvation and dehydration, will eat ANYTHING. Hence why cannibalism in dire circumstances happens. You cannot control it, it's basic survival instincts taking over because that's what we evolved to do.

I wish you the best.

 

[cali22♡]

Peace should be protected just like anonymity