Why is CTB so gd difficult?

[DefinitelyReady]

I live in the US. 32/F. I guarantee I am the biggest loser on this site. The most worthless. Since I don't have money or resources, or live next to a train or high buildings, I am just so stuck. Why is it so difficult to CTB? I can't inflict my own pain. I really want to be an organ donor. It's the least I can do. I have no means? I had a brief moment to pull the trigger 10yrs ago, and I did, but my dumbass didn't know how to turn off the safety lock and I didn't want my sister/brother-in-law to know that I touched it and I had to put it back. So I'm not afraid of the actual act. I just don't want it to be botched and give me liver/kidney and cognitive issues etc. Im not a chemist and am afraid I'll eff up wasting what little money I could sponge up to make a gas. It shouldn't be this difficult. We fight for the right to be born into this world, but we have not rights to easily and peacefully leave it should we want to? I've wanted to die since I was a child... Who else is just, stuck here???

 

[UKscotty]

Our survival instinct will do anything to keep us alive, this is why CTB is literally the last resort.

Anyone who knows the secret to overcome the SI is no longer with us.

I think the mind just holds on to hope until all avenues are exhausted, once we are ready we will just know I guess.

 

[theboy]

SI

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Our survival instinct will do anything to keep us alive, this is why CTB is literally the last resort.

Anyone who knows the secret to overcome the SI is no longer with us.

I think the mind just holds on to hope until all avenues are exhausted, once we are ready we will just know I guess.

So if I were truly "ready" I would just be able to take the pain of hanging myself then? I can't hang myself because I know I would instinctually fight suffocating to death and the pain that comes along with it. However, if I were provided a gun (which now I know how to unlock) or offered an abundance of drugs likes morphine, fentanyl, SN, etc; or access to a super high ledge, zin other words something that is super quick. I would write my goodbye letters and say thank you to the help of ctb, and go.

 

[jacobryan]

So if I were truly "ready" I would just be able to take the pain of hanging myself then? I can't hang myself because I know I would instinctually fight suffocating to death and the pain that comes along with it. However, if I were provided a gun (which now I know how to unlock) or offered an abundance of drugs likes morphine, fentanyl, SN, etc; or access to a super high ledge, zin other words something that is super quick. I would write my goodbye letters and say thank you to the help of ctb, and go.

I understand what you're saying about not being able to cause pain/suffering to yourself. I have also considered asking someone to do it for me. Although it is unlikely to happen.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I understand what you're saying about not being able to cause pain/suffering to yourself. I have also considered asking someone to do it for me. Although it is unlikely to happen.

I found a freak who was willing to do this. He was actually my UPS driver. You never know people... but I had suffering animals to take care of and waited too long so he's no longer reliable. It sucks.

 

[jacobryan]

I found a freak who was willing to do this. He was actually my UPS driver. You never know people... but I had suffering animals to take care of and waited too long so he's no longer reliable. It sucks.

And you'd still ask someone if you could?

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so trapped in this existence, I really wish there's the option to just never wake again, in my case I feel stuck here as suicide is just so inaccessible, it's horrifying to me how trying to die can go wrong and lead to way worse suffering as a result. I certainly despise this hellish anti-suicide society where there's the absence of peaceful, guaranteed ways to die for all, to me it'd be such a relief to be able to die peacefully. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[unabletocope]

Our survival instinct will do anything to keep us alive, this is why CTB is literally the last resort.

Anyone who knows the secret to overcome the SI is no longer with us.

I think the mind just holds on to hope until all avenues are exhausted, once we are ready we will just know I guess.

Thanks for putting it like this, needed to hear this

 

[DefinitelyReady]

And you'd still ask someone if you could?

If anyone could help me I would take it. It's just there's no one willing. I don't how people find each other to make "pacts" that I've read about.

 

[jacobryan]

If anyone could help me I would take it. It's just there's no one willing. I don't how people find each other to make "pacts" that I've read about.

Do you have any chat apps? I can't message you here yet.

 

[Chelsea Leng]

I live in the US. 32/F. I guarantee I am the biggest loser on this site. The most worthless. Since I don't have money or resources, or live next to a train or high buildings, I am just so stuck. Why is it so difficult to CTB? I can't inflict my own pain. I really want to be an organ donor. It's the least I can do. I have no means? I had a brief moment to pull the trigger 10yrs ago, and I did, but my dumbass didn't know how to turn off the safety lock and I didn't want my sister/brother-in-law to know that I touched it and I had to put it back. So I'm not afraid of the actual act. I just don't want it to be botched and give me liver/kidney and cognitive issues etc. Im not a chemist and am afraid I'll eff up wasting what little money I could sponge up to make a gas. It shouldn't be this difficult. We fight for the right to be born into this world, but we have not rights to easily and peacefully leave it should we want to? I've wanted to die since I was a child... Who else is just, stuck here???

try mixing detergent if you live alone in a single house to produce h2s
or do it in a car but park in isolated place only

 

[DefinitelyReady]

try mixing detergent if you live alone in a single house to produce h2s
or do it in a car but park in isolated place only

Mixing it with what? All I could find what like mixing a pesticide with toilet bowl cleaner

 

[deathslament]

For me its finding a method that's somewhat peaceful at least and works guaranteed. that's my barrier

 

[kuniwan]

I think of doing it everyday but I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel so frustrated about it.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I think of doing it everyday but I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel so frustrated about it.

Maybe you're not supposed to then. Maybe you just want out of your circumstances and mental anguish and sick of living as you are now. Do you have a therapist with experience in SI? Meds? Spravato, ketamine, rtms, mushrooms, hollistic?

 

[Olisop21.]

I live in the US. 32/F. I guarantee I am the biggest loser on this site. The most worthless. Since I don't have money or resources, or live next to a train or high buildings, I am just so stuck. Why is it so difficult to CTB? I can't inflict my own pain. I really want to be an organ donor. It's the least I can do. I have no means? I had a brief moment to pull the trigger 10yrs ago, and I did, but my dumbass didn't know how to turn off the safety lock and I didn't want my sister/brother-in-law to know that I touched it and I had to put it back. So I'm not afraid of the actual act. I just don't want it to be botched and give me liver/kidney and cognitive issues etc. Im not a chemist and am afraid I'll eff up wasting what little money I could sponge up to make a gas. It shouldn't be this difficult. We fight for the right to be born into this world, but we have not rights to easily and peacefully leave it should we want to? I've wanted to die since I was a child... Who else is just, stuck here???

I am.

So if I were truly "ready" I would just be able to take the pain of hanging myself then? I can't hang myself because I know I would instinctually fight suffocating to death and the pain that comes along with it. However, if I were provided a gun (which now I know how to unlock) or offered an abundance of drugs likes morphine, fentanyl, SN, etc; or access to a super high ledge, zin other words something that is super quick. I would write my goodbye letters and say thank you to the help of ctb, and go.

I feel ready to die. The SI is so hard so to overcome. I don't get it. I keep getting scared. I just want to be done with myself.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I am.

I feel ready to die. The SI is so hard so to overcome. I don't get it. I keep getting scared. I just want to be done with myself.

What are you scared of exactly?

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

Courage will help you end your life.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Courage will help you end your life.

I have the courage; I just don't have the resources/means/money etc

 

[jacobryan]

I have the courage; I just don't have the resources/means/money etc

I'd help you if I could.

 

[Olisop21.]

What are you scared of exactly?

The sensation when I compress my carotids.

The sensation when I compress my carotids. Like I'm going to fall.