Venting Why I want to CTB

[BRBRB]

this year has by far been the worst for me.
I had a nervous breakdown and manic episode that caused me to lose my job with the help of my so callled bestfriend having the company fire me. I really wanted to kill her but instead I've been having SI because instead of blaming her I'm blaming my own mental health & breakdowns. I had to drive across country and move back in with my family which makes me feel even worse, some people in my family have treated me like complete shit. I'm sharing a room with my little cousin and sleeping in a bunk bed, I guess it's better than being 100% homeless but im basically 90% if it wasnt for my aunt. I tried to tell my family about my SI but they just think I'm being dramatic
I lost everything this year, my amazing job, my best friends, and myself. I feel like CTB is my only way to stop the bullshit I'm going through. My birthday is in 5days and I planned to figure out my methods and go for it. but the guilt of leaving my mom the pain im in is enough to try to stop me. I wish I had people in my real life that understood. this is the worst point of my life and I just don't want to be here anymore and I wish suicide wasn't so taboo in the eyes of people who are in my life. I don't want to feel bad for wanting to die but my life just sucks & I don't see a way things will get better

 

[Ghost2211]

Considering you're staying with family for now is it possible to find work and regain your independence? I can understand why you feel so trapped and hopeless.

 

[BRBRB]

Considering you're staying with family for now is it possible to find work and regain your independence? I can understand why you feel so trapped and hopeless.

I've been looking a lot but I think pride/ego tells me I'm not good enough to be hired and then I was making over $30/hr so I know there's not much here that'll be comparable I signed up for school but it's just so hard to restart after the trauma. I feel like my depression is just taking over more than ever

 

[NextSummer]

I lost my job and my friends due to mental illness and live back in my parents house. It took me a year to get over my grief. Now I still have a shitty life, but I am not suicidal anymore (even though I think about suicide at a later age). If you can live in that house for longer time, do it. If people put pressure on you, tell them that you are suicidal and that you are alive because you love your mum. I think you are still in grieving period. This will go away. Give yourself another year (if you can) and then reevaluate.

 

[BRBRB]

I lost my job and my friends due to mental illness and live back in my parents house. It took me a year to get over my grief. Now I still have a shitty life, but I am not suicidal anymore (even though I think about suicide at a later age). If you can live in that house for longer time, do it. If people put pressure on you, tell them that you are suicidal and that you are alive because you love your mum. I think you are still in grieving period. This will go away. Give yourself another year (if you can) and then reevaluate.

I dont Think that people understand the grief of losing a job thank you because it's been about 6months and I'm still in shock

 

[I screwed up]

Feel for u bro .. I m in a similar situation but living with my parents now really sucks. Am without a job and basically a burden on then again... I hate my life now but am too chicken to ctb ... I know what u feel ..

 

[DFFP]

this year has by far been the worst for me.
I had a nervous breakdown and manic episode that caused me to lose my job with the help of my so callled bestfriend having the company fire me. I really wanted to kill her but instead I've been having SI because instead of blaming her I'm blaming my own mental health & breakdowns. I had to drive across country and move back in with my family which makes me feel even worse, some people in my family have treated me like complete shit. I'm sharing a room with my little cousin and sleeping in a bunk bed, I guess it's better than being 100% homeless but im basically 90% if it wasnt for my aunt. I tried to tell my family about my SI but they just think I'm being dramatic
I lost everything this year, my amazing job, my best friends, and myself. I feel like CTB is my only way to stop the bullshit I'm going through. My birthday is in 5days and I planned to figure out my methods and go for it. but the guilt of leaving my mom the pain im in is enough to try to stop me. I wish I had people in my real life that understood. this is the worst point of my life and I just don't want to be here anymore and I wish suicide wasn't so taboo in the eyes of people who are in my life. I don't want to feel bad for wanting to die but my life just sucks & I don't see a way things will get better

last year I lost everything, really everything. everything i had so struggled to build is gone ... i just want peace now

 

[inflammed123]

t

this year has by far been the worst for me.
I had a nervous breakdown and manic episode that caused me to lose my job with the help of my so callled bestfriend having the company fire me. I really wanted to kill her but instead I've been having SI because instead of blaming her I'm blaming my own mental health & breakdowns. I had to drive across country and move back in with my family which makes me feel even worse, some people in my family have treated me like complete shit. I'm sharing a room with my little cousin and sleeping in a bunk bed, I guess it's better than being 100% homeless but im basically 90% if it wasnt for my aunt. I tried to tell my family about my SI but they just think I'm being dramatic
I lost everything this year, my amazing job, my best friends, and myself. I feel like CTB is my only way to stop the bullshit I'm going through. My birthday is in 5days and I planned to figure out my methods and go for it. but the guilt of leaving my mom the pain im in is enough to try to stop me. I wish I had people in my real life that understood. this is the worst point of my life and I just don't want to be here anymore and I wish suicide wasn't so taboo in the eyes of people who are in my life. I don't want to feel bad for wanting to die but my life just sucks & I don't see a way things will get better

tldr. hugs

 

[NextSummer]

A job loss can be devastating. In my case, when I lost my job, I lost a chance for a brighter future and gained a ticket for a poor life. My job was highly specific and perfect for me. When I lost it, I knew my life would suck and I had to work in lower paid jobs like if I never studied. I will probably end up working in an assembly line. But it wasn't my fault (mental health).

I thought a long time about death. First I wanted to die quickly like you and escape my grief. Then I thought: I will die anyways, this can wait. I want to wait and see how I feel after a year. Now I feel better and I prefer getting old. At least I will try my best not to suicide as long as my parents live. This is my sacrifice for them.

 

[BRBRB]

Feel for u bro .. I m in a similar situation but living with my parents now really sucks. Am without a job and basically a burden on then again... I hate my life now but am too chicken to ctb ... I know what u feel ..

I wish I had the strength to CTB on my birthday in 5 days I really want to but I also don't want my family to waste money on a funeral or other people to know I've died via Social media & family gossip

A job loss can be devastating. In my case, when I lost my job, I lost a chance for a brighter future and gained a ticket for a poor life. My job was highly specific and perfect for me. When I lost it, I knew my life would suck and I had to work in lower paid jobs like if I never studied. I will probably end up working in an assembly line. But it wasn't my fault (mental health).

I thought a long time about death. First I wanted to die quickly like you and escape my grief. Then I thought: I will die anyways, this can wait. I want to wait and see how I feel after a year. Now I feel better and I prefer getting old. At least I will try my best not to suicide as long as my parents live. This is my sacrifice for them.

That's where I'm at now with the job search and knowing I'll have to take bare minimum work & have shitty pay. I've been having the same feeling like "one day I'll be on a morgues cold table why am I rushing for the day to come" if it wasn't for my mom bring a single parent I would've done months ago

 

[BRBRB]

last year I lost everything, really everything. everything i had so struggled to build is gone ... i just want peace now

You're not alone man I feel like rebuilding is the last thing I want to do, just going from having my shit together to having nothing makes me depressed beyond reconciliation
I really wish I was able to pull off a fatal accident but my car's transmission is out so i need another way thinking SN

 

[DFFP]

You're not alone man I feel like rebuilding is the last thing I want to do, just going from having my shit together to having nothing makes me depressed beyond reconciliation
I really wish I was able to pull off a fatal accident but my car's transmission is out so i need another way thinking SN

I lost my physical health with incurable shit the doctors can't cure. So I have no hope of improvement ... BTC is my only way

 

[MariV]

I lost my physical health with incurable shit the doctors can't cure. So I have no hope of improvement ... BTC is my only way

same here...physical health. seems we are a minority here!